Sailor Moon S(illy) Expanded

"Kaolinite-kun," Professor Tomoe said, as he slowly lifted the Daemon seed from the mess of glass and bubbling chemicals. His glasses shined, and the dim illumination from the seed was wasted on his rather ratty tie. His insane grin lit up his face. "I have created another Daemon seed. We must find the Talismans so that we may form the Holy Grail. Nah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" He stopped his maniacal laughter when he realized that something was missing. "Why aren't you chuckling, Kaolinite-kun?"

Kaolinite hesitantly took out a piece of paper from her lab-coat and reluctantly handed it over to the Professor. Tomoe quickly snatched the paper from out of her hands and read it. His glasses dimmed and his smile faded away. He looked at Kaolinite with horror written plainly on his still-completely-shadowed face. Which was a feat in itself but nothing to a true mad-scientist.

"No . . . no," Tomoe impotently protested.

"I'm afraid so, Professor," Kaolinite said gravely. "It seems that all your requests for new beakers have caused the Board to . . . threaten to revoke your tenure. Unless you . . ." She trailed off, unwilling to voice the terrible consequences.

"Unless I . . ." He gulped and went on. "Unless I start dealing with . . ."

"That's right; students."

"AAARRGGGHH!!"

[RAINDROPS KEEP FALLLING ON MY HEAD!MAMORU ACTUALLY DOES SOMETHING!]

"You know, Michiru," Haruka said as she stared at herself in a mirror, "I am too cool for words. I exude coolness. I have this whole James Dean `Rebel with a cause' thing going for me, as well as a sharply delineated jaw-line, high cheek-bones, long graceful neck, hair styled just so, and legs to kill for." She smirked. "I'm as perfect as anyone could hope to be."

Michiru snored in response.

"Humph," Haruka huffed, then she turned back to her mirror. "Yep, I am the coolest girl on Earth. I love me."

"It's weird," Titanite said, "that's all."

"What's weird?" Calcite asked, looking up from his newspaper.

They were twins, these siblings, though he looked to be in his mid-twenties and she still in her teens. It was but one of the many, many, many, many, many, many, MANY quirks and foibles that this rather unique family had. For they were the last remaining members of their species, wiped out by genocidal glitter. They were

DARK KINGDOM REFUGEES!

"Hey, where's that music coming from?" Calcite asked, turning his head this way and that.

"Oops, sorry," Azurite apologized, turning off her stereo. "I just wanted to listen to this CD I just picked up." She was rather happy about her purchase; while getting music from across the Pacific was a tad pricey, she rather liked Tom Petty, especially this particular song. Don't live like a refugee indeed. She wandered away.

"You were saying?" Calcite said, urging his sister to continue.

"Oh, it's just that I finally got around to watching `Shin Seiki Evangelion'; you know, that anime that made such an uproar," Titanite said.

"Yes, what about it?"

"It's just that the one character, Katsuragi Misato, well . . . you're going to think it's silly," Titanite said.

"Yes. But don't let that stop you."

"Bee-dah. Anyway, I swear that she sounds almost EXACTLY like Usagi-san. Even looks a bit like her. See?" Suddenly, Titanite pulled out a huge wall-scroll with a picture of Misato with a rather vacuous and cute expression on her face. "See?"

After a few moments of contemplation, he agreed that yes, indeed, that did look rather like Usagi would if she were animated. And older. And stacked. And drunk. And slutty. Um.

"And listen to this!" Titanite shoved a tape-recorder into Calcite's face and turned it on.

"NNNNNN-CHAAAAAA!!!"

Calcite did not respond beyond big-sweating slightly.

"Oh, never mind." She stalked away, small thunderclouds splitting the air with tiny lightning bolts and thunder.

Later, in the Refugee-Cave . . .

"Ah, yes, I see," Pyrite said, nodding his head thoughtfully.

"Well?" Titanite had just finished explaining her question, as well as going over the entire plot of Evangelion, from its angsty beginnings, to the rather funny episodes in the middle, the horribly depressing near-ending, the use of Ode to Joy, the rather twisted last episode, the movies, the scene that still made her blush in remembrance, and the utterly horrible final, enigmatic ending.

Pyrite smiled slightly, and a mad glint appeared in his eyes. He cleared his throat, and Titanite tried not to cry. He was going to start techno-babbling, a horrible prospect indeed.

"As you very well know, Titanite," Pyrite began, "all these so-called `fictional' universes exist, somewhere out there." He gestured towards the wall in a wide sweep. "And, in fact, we ourselves are fictional in regards to them. Try that for some existential angst."

"Exi-what?"

"Never mind. So somewhere there's a universe where, umm, Star Trek is a reality." When he realized what he had just said, his mad glint turned even more insane. "I'll have to look in on that, just to make sure. And in this hypothetical Star Trek universe, there's something, possibly an animated show, called, oh I don't know, Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon. Now the question is, who created all of this? Did we create each other? Did the fact that we were written about in some other universe cause our existence? Did the fact that they were written about cause the creation of that universe?"

"Umm," Titanite said, when she it was safe to interrupt Pyrite's rant. "Actually, I was just wondering about Usagi-san and this character. Could we focus on that?"

"Right, right. Well, there are a few possibilities. Coincidence, for one."

"I . . . don't think so." Titanite looked at the picture of Misato again. "This is important, I know it."

"Well, then. Hmm. If we take the premise that these so-called fictional universe exist for themselves and the fact that the events of their universe are, in our universe, fictional accounts to be a side-effect of their existence, then . . ."

"Then what?"

Pyrite reluctantly finished his thought. "I know that this is fanciful and melodramatic, but since we happen to live in a very fanciful and melodramatic story, I think that this isn't all that far-fetched. It is possibly that this Evangelion universe is this universes' opposite. Our darker reflection, as it were. Like that episode in the Original Series when Kirk and the others, due to a transporter accident, ended up in that mirror universe. It's quite possible that if we are each other's opposites that there would have been some people in our universe and their universe that would bear a startling similarity. This Misato and Sailor Moon, for example. Possibly a few others, who may or may not have even been shown on screen."

"Wow." Titanite, most understandably, had a rather hard time untangling the techno-babble in her head.

"Indeed."

"And this is the proper way to laugh insanely. Follow me now, people. Nah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" Tomoe paused, then frowned at one of his students. If he had to be here, then by the great spinning pinwheel, they would pay attention. "MISUMARU-KUN! Pay attention!"

Misumaru, a purple-haired girl, blushed and said, "Hai" in a querulous voice. However, soon enough, she was distracted once again by one of the cute boys in the classroom.

He didn't deserve this, he really, truly didn't. Tomoe sighed, and tried to will away the oncoming headache. It didn't work.

His hands shaking, Tomoe's nerve snapped. He couldn't take it anymore. Students! This was a cruelty and indignity beyond all others! He snapped his right hand to the class and yelled out in a harried and very angry voice, "Give me all your life-energy!"

The silence was deafening; nothing had happened. Tomoe kept his hand in the air in the rather vain hope that it would work eventually. Finally, a rather brave student stood up and asked, very nervously, "Um, Sensei? Do we have to practice this too?"

An interesting side effect from coming from an utterly ruthless environment such as the Dark Kingdom was that, after a while, only the incredibly smart or the incredibly powerful were left around. Mostly the incredibly powerful, for the slightly incredibly smart didn't have a chance to make the incredibly smart before they demonstrated to the enraged incredibly powerful masses why they were only slightly incredible in intelligence.

Thus it was that Titanite found that she really did not need to study all that much for her upcoming test. Though she would not admit it even to herself, it gave her a rather smug self-satisfied feeling deep inside.

And so, she went where every teenage girl with time on her hands went: the caf!

"Ah, tea, mother-goddess of beverages!" Titanite said with a great deal of satisfaction, breathing in the nice tea fumes.

"Titanite-chan?" Titanite turned her head and looked up. A smiling beacon of good-will shined at her; Usagi was there.

"Usagi-san!" Titanite exclaimed, pleasantly surprised. "How are you?"

"Ahahaha," Usagi chuckled, her hand behind her head.

"Oh, you know how it is; study, study, study! Usagi must go into high school or parents will kill! Actually, I just came in to take a break from all that studying. I'm almost dead from all the work!"

"Please, sit down and join me," Titanite offered, and Usagi quickly agreed, sitting down opposite her. Rather quickly, a monstrously large slice of chocolate cake arrived and Usagi got down to serious masticating.

"Thank you, Titanite-chan," Usagi said between mouthfuls. "So how have you and the others been?"

"Oh, you know," Titanite answered slightly nervously; she trusted the Sailor Senshi implicitly, yet the others were still slightly wary around them, even after all this time. "Pretty good."

"That's great!"

"Say, where are the other . . . um, your friends and Mamoru-san?" Titanite asked, barely catching herself before saying "Sailor Soldiers".

"Oh, they're probably at Hikawa Temple. As for Mamo-chan . . . well, he got a job at on the bullet-train."

"I hate my life," Mamoru said, as he tried to will away the great pounding and, above all, reverberating headache he had. While he was, technically, very well off, he was mostly living off the interest so didn't dare to touch his principal. And so he went from part time job to part time job to get more pocket money. Besides, he now had a very high maintenance girlfriend, and she went through foodstuffs like nobody's business. The train squealed and his head spiked with pain.

Usagi would have gone on into serious chatting if not for the also sudden appearance of the wrath of Rei.

"USAGI," Rei intoned ominously. She grabbed Usagi by the ear and pinched. "You were supposed to be at the temple thirty minutes ago! I knew that you would be goofing off!"

"Oh, Usagi-chan," Ami said, shaking her head in slight disappointment.

"Ah, ease off, Rei-chan," Makoto said with a wave and a smile.

"Ooo, cake!" Minako said, sitting down in the booth and stealing some of Usagi's cake.

"Mina-chan!" the Sailor Senshi yelled.

"Mami?" Minako said, her mouth still full.

"Look! That's my cake!" Usagi said, pulling the plate away from Minako.

"That's not the point!" Rei said exasperated. "We should be studying!"

"That's right," agreed Ami.

"Oh, a little break won't kill us," Minako said negligently. "After all, all work and no play makes for a giant beanstalk falling on your house, singing golden tunes."

"That's not right at all," the rest of the girls muttered under their breaths.

"Um," Titanite said tentatively, "hello."

"Ah, hello, Titanite-chan," Rei greeted, blushing slightly from not noticing her. "Sorry about all this. I'll stop this Dumpling-head from imposing on you."

"Oh, it's no imposition at all," Titanite disagreed. "In fact, there's something that I'd like to ask you. Have any of you seen that anime series `Shin Seiki'-"

The world froze a single moment as the door to the café opened with a merry jingle.

Pastels? Titanite thought to herself, for indeed the frozen time did indeed seem to have turned pastel in color. And the air was filled with the smell of rose petals billowing in a fresh wind. Then time moved forward and she and the Senshi turned to look, instinctively, at the newcomers. This was a mistake on Titanite's part.

"AUGH!" she screamed in pain. "I'm blind! I'm blind! Help! Are my eyes bleeding? It hurts!"

"What is it, Titanite-chan?" Usagi said with deep concern, as the two newcomers went over to the booth to see what the trouble was.

"Th-those horrible colors," Titanite said with a shudder, as the pain receded. "It's awful. Those uniforms are awful!"

A pause.

"Yes, well, I'll admit that they're unique," Haruka said with a huff, "but aren't you being a bit overly dramatic? After all, what could look bad on me?"

"Now is not the time," Michiru chided.

Soon enough, Titanite recovered, and with a great deal of apologies, she beat a rather hasty retreat from the café, still shuddering slightly as the color scheme of those uniforms were burned into her eyes and mind.

Haruka and Michiru left to the other end of the café, after Haruka had hit upon the girls and the girls responded by blushing with Michiru smiling benevolently upon the exchange.

When their tea arrived, Michiru stared intently at Haruka from the rim of her teacup.

"The sea is a harsh mistress, given to sudden storms and treacherous tides. Yet it is also the source of life, filled to abundance with animals from of the lowest and the highest order, with beauty and horror in every part. Entire undiscovered worlds, separated only by depth, lie under the sometimes peaceful, sometimes violent blue waves," Michiru said with horrible significance in every word.

Haruka in turn stared at Michiru intently, her face grim. Finally, she said, "I have no idea what you're talking about," with a silly smile on her face, a slightly vacuous and embarrassed laugh, a hand behind her head, and a large bead of sweat hanging from her head. Michiru, blushing slightly with embarrassment, too sweated slightly. Though coolly.

The girls were silent as they enjoyed their tea and cakes. Minako and Usagi were digging into their food with gusto, with Makoto taking the time between bites to critique every aspect of the food. Ami was fretting slightly about the time lost for studying. Rei was pensive.

"I just had a thought," Rei said finally, looking up from her cup. Minako and Usagi did not stop their eating, but their ears twitched slightly.

"What's that, Rei-chan?" Ami asked.

"Well, you know what happens every time we meet someone new or when we see someone we haven't seen in a while or a friend of ours is doing something special and public?" Rei asked, trying to grasp something.

"Um, no, what?" Usagi asked, her mind split slightly because of the food still left on her plate. The others, however, realized immediately what Rei was implicating.

"Go on," Makoto encouraged.

"Well, it's just that sooner or later, a Daemon tries to steal their Heart Crystal," Rei said in conclusion.

"How very . . . coincidental," Ami said, not believing it herself.

"And that means that," Makoto started, trailing off, a horrible implication popping into her head.

"TITANITE-CHAN!" they yelled in unison, hurriedly getting up from the booth.

"Huh?" Usagi said, her lips covered with cream. "Why are all of you getting up?"

"Oh, come on, Dumpling-head!" Rei said shortly. "And do try to keep up."

"It was horrible, Kaolinite-kun," the Professor said with a groan, though he was still smiling in the shadows. The smile, however, was noticeably strained. "All those . . . students." He shivered with the horror of the memories still fresh in his mind.

"Poor Professor," Kaolinite murmured sympathetically. "Once we get the Holy Grail, you'll never have to deal with students ever again."

"Yes . . . yes. No more students, what a wonderful notion. Nah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" laughed the Professor. He reached into his lab-coat and brought out the Daemon seed, and suddenly sobered as much as he could. "However, while in class, a thought occurred to me. Who better to have a pure heart than schoolgirls? And not just any schoolgirls, but anime otaku schoolgirls! After all, the boys are far too caught up in breast-bouncing to be pure-hearted, but the girls, ah the girls! They are very fanatical about true love and fate and star-crossed lovers and such romantic twaddle. So go, Kaolinite-kun! Follow the evil Macadamia nut to a girl otaku and bring me a

Talisman! Do not fail me!"

"I thought that it was a Pecan, actually," Kaolinite said sotto voce. "Um, that is," she began again, when she saw that the professor was trying to bend his mouth downwards, "Yes, Professor," Kaolinite said hastily and eagerly as she flickered out of the underground lab. Suddenly, she flickered back into existence and put on her red dress, which she had, in her enthusiasm, teleported out of. She teleported out again, all without a word spoken, though she did blush quite noticeably.

"Hmm," noted the Professor, "Kaolinite-kun needs to spend some more time in the sun. She's getting positively ghoul-like in her tincture."

"Oh, those were horrible colors," Titanite muttered to herself. She walked along Tenth Street to her video store, where she noticed that the huge building that usually had shogi pieces on it were replaced by ShiboYangcong-san pieces. "Cripple Mr. Onion? What a weird name for a game."

After spending many monies on horribly expensive anime tapes, Titanite walked along the street, her mind filled with the joyous, near-orgasmic pleasure of wielding her purchasing power. She hummed along the street until she spotted an empty bench just inside the park. Her feet being slightly tired, she decided to sit down.

"Let's see now," Titanite muttered, as she rummaged through her huge bags of videotapes. "Oh, I love it, I love it, I LOVE IT!" She squealed sharply, drawing the attention of a few dogs. "I'm going to put down serious roots this weekend!"

While Titanite was busily contemplating just how much mass her brain would lose over the weekend, the evil Macadamia nut (or possibly a Pecan) sneakily sneaked into her bag. However, Titanite did notice the odd beating noise.

"ANIMA!" came the shout and a bright, slightly tacky, light from one of her bags. With videotapes spilling on the ground there appeared the new Daemon, Anima.

It is necessary to herein describe Anima in slow steps. Imagine a girl. Now imagine a girl by way of Masami Obari; that is, a girl who, if she were human, would have trouble standing up and a spine bent like spaghetti. Pure sex, in other words. Or, that is to say, what people would like to imagine as pure sex, since pure sex is just a jolting of the brain and funny smelling fluids.

Ahem, now put this what-people-would-like-to-imagine-pure-sex-as girl into a very tinny tiny schoolgirl uniform. Or at least try since obviously such a . . . lush body wouldn't fit very loosely in a very fluffy quilt, though many would have liked to try. Give her coloring done by an Expressionist whilst very high and feeling extremely ironical, and a magic wand with which she could hold highly suggestively, and there is Anima, suitably (though not for youths) described.

Titanite felt herself blushing automatically as she stared at Anima.

"Ha!" Anima yelled triumphantly as she pointed her Steely Hard and Potent Mega Rod at Titanite, the tip glowing with throbbing power suppressed. "I'm going to take your Heart Crystal now, dear! Fan Service!" she yelled out, lifting the hem of her skirt and exposing her panties. Where there should have been a cute pink bow there was instead a black star. From the black star a black light emerged, piercing Titanite.

"AAAUU!" Titanite yelled out, as she felt something slowly rip away from her. As the pain intensified, she felt something other than the pain; a sort of growing apathy blossomed. Why anime? Why not just movies or even, dare she say it, books? After all, they were, on a minute per yen basis, cheaper and mostly lasted longer on the whole. Yes, it all seemed so clear now; she would get her entertainment from other mediums, for anime was bad and awful and filled to the brim with sex and violence. Murp.

Then a golden energy flew through the air, skimming the ground occasionally, and hit Anima full on as she was admiring her newly acquired Heart Crystal. She slammed a few yards away by the force of the blast, though no true damage came of it. "Ow," she said piteously from the ground.

Then there was the sound of violins, and two figures high above began to introduce themselves.

"Invited by a new age, Sailor Uranus, appearing maliciously."

"Invited by a new age, Sailor Neptune, appearing . . . prosaically."

The leaped down and Uranus gently took the Crystal from the air and examined it for just a few moments.

"Well, someone's been watching `Hair' too many times," Anima commented to no one in particular.

"It's not a Talisman," she said, her voice carefully neutral, trying to keep the relief from showing. While, yes, they wanted to save the world, and, yes, there would be many, many, many sacrifices along the way, it wasn't as if they relished it.

Beware of people who can call for sacrifices to be made for future happiness, for they are rat-faced politicians who are snickering behind their backs. But beware even more of those who would reluctantly call for sacrifices, for they while they are outwardly cold they are inwardly very soppy people given to depressing monologues about the meaning of happiness and life and the future and what's it all mean, seriously, when you get down to it. The first kind at least give interesting speeches filled with fire and blood.

Neptune nodded once, and then smiled at the Daemon and was immediately hit in the face by a stream of energy. Down she went.

"Neptune!" Uranus said in concern before she too went down under the force of Anima's . . . wand.

"Ha! Who wants some! Who wants some! I've got enough for the whole world!" Anima yelled out triumphantly, waving her wand about recklessly.

"Stop!" came the cry from high above. Silhouetted by a mysterious light, there were still more Sailor Soldiers.

"For perverting an innocent girl's simple enjoyment of animated stories, I cannot forgive you!" declared Sailor Moon as dramatically as she could. "I am the Pretty Sailor Soldier of Love and Justice! In the name of the moon," she said, and in the others chorused with her, "we will punish you!" However, before she could do anything more, she too was hit in the face with a stream of energy and fell onto the ground with a loud thud.

"Hey!" Moon said angrily from the outrage. "You can't do that while I'm making the speech! The speech is sacrosanct! C'mere, you!" And she angrily ran towards Anima, mayhem in her mind.

"I never knew that she even knew that sacrosanct was a word," Sailor Mars said with wonder, as she watched Sailor Moon trying to shove the Cutie Moon Rod down Anima's throat.

"You go, girlfriend!" Sailor Jupiter yelled encouragingly. "Kick ass and take names!"

"Yeah! Kick her to the curb and give her bus fare!" Minako chimed in.

However, Anima was able to bring her wand into play and blasted Sailor Moon away from her. After a short flight through the air, she was caught by a rather surprised Sailor Mercury, and down they both went with cries of pain and surprise.

"Right, that's our cue," Sailor Jupiter said. She concentrated slightly, and crackling lightning gathered into her hands. "Sparkling Vital Pressure!" she yelled out, and released. It had no effect other than causing pain to Anima.

"Have at thee, bitch!" Anima yelled to Jupiter and fired her wand. Or tried to at least. For her wand had run out of steam, sagging slightly in her hand. "Damn."

Jupiter smiled nastily, and cracked her knuckles with anticipation. "What did you call me?" she said pleasantly, though her expression was too wolfish for her to be sincere.

"Uh, uh," dithered Anima. She looked around desperately for an escape route, but Soldiers, some recovering from her blast and getting up and feeling very . . . distraught, covered every direction. This was a bad time to be a Daemon.

"Oh, for god's sake," came an irate voice of salvation from above.

"Kaolinite!" Uranus yelled in recognition before blasting at her with a World Shaking. It slammed uselessly against her force field.

"Can't you Daemons do anything right?" Kaolinite asked. She then tossed a vial to Anima, which shattered and the contents were soaked into her. Kaolinite then floated to a rather safe distance and said with a put-upon expression, "Do try to take care of this."

Anima's wand had stiffened, and Anima smiled triumphantly. She raised the wand above her head and yelled, "Anima Daemonic Power, Armor Up!" The wand gave off an extremely bright light, so harsh that all the Sailors had to look away, and it engulfed Anima. When the light went away, leaving green spots swimming in the eyes of the Sailors, Anima was in a garishly colored, formfitting armor. "Ha! Face my wrath! Anima Armor-Piercing Enema!" and panels popped up from her armor and out came a great number of guns and cannons like spines in a porcupine, all pointed at a Sailor. The Sailor Soldiers felt the uncomfortable sensation of having a laser painted on them and knowing a bullet was not far behind.

"I'm not impressed," Uranus said, though the twitching of her eye gave her away.

"Scatter!" Mercury yelled, who had the good sense to run and find something to shield herself from the coming storm. The others readily agreed, and right behind them came the bullets and missiles.

"OH-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO!" Anima laughed joyously, as the sounds of explosions and ricochets destroyed the world around her.

They had all taken cover behind a low, crumbling wall, and they knew that as soon as Anima got off her power trip and focused her fire power to the wall, they would be a large, thing wet smear across the pavement.

"Shit, we're pinned down like rats," Uranus cursed. They should have gone while the getting was good, she thought angrily. Now she and Neptune couldn't run without being so full of holes that Swiss cheese would be envious.

"I've been analyzing Anima's armor," Mercury said, her visor alive with the information scrolling over her eyes. "And I have a plan."

"Great," Mars said though a bit low-key, trying to gently slap Sailor Moon out of her noticeable daze and confusion. "What's the word?"

"Nothing less than using all of our power at different points and with Sailor Moon using her attack aimed at her, umm, chest will destroy Anima," Mercury informed.

"Where's Tuxedo Kamen-sama?" Sailor Moon asked pitifully.

"Yeah, where is he?" Rei asked as well. "He should have been here a long time ago."

"Damn traffic," Mamoru cursed as he tried to maneuver to the battle through the heavy streets of Tokyo. "Damn, damn, damn. Usako is going to kill me."

"Well, never mind that," Jupiter said. "Ok, so we just go around her in a ring and blast her at the same time, right? Simple."

"And as soon as we stand up, we get blasted. Good plan," Uranus said as sarcastically as possible. "I was tired of life anyway."

They became aware that the shooting had stopped. This was not a good thing. A very tinny voice from inside the armor kept on saying, "Locking on target". There were a lot of guns, so there were a lot of repetitions. Anima was not taking any chances of missing.

"She's right," Venus said, startled at her strained voice. "We need a distraction."

"Huff, huff, huff," gasped out Artemis, running to them. When he had gained his breath, he asked, "Man, I wish I could drive a car, even if the traffic is hellish, at least it's better than killing myself. So, what'd I miss?" He blinked when all those eyes looked at him so calculatingly. "What?"

"AAUUUUGH!" Artemis yelled as he was tossed at Anima. He frantically tried to slash at Anima's face with his claws, but it was useless on the armor. Anima rather casually tossed him against a tree, hard. Before he lost consciousness, he vowed bloody vengeance.

"Go, go!" Mars yelled. As one, they leaped over the wall and around Anima. Immediately, before she could recover from her surprise, they unleashed their attacks.

"Burning Mandala!"

"Sparkling Vital Pressure!"

"Shiny Aqua Illusion!"

"Venus Love Me Chain!"

"World Shaking!"

"Deep Submerge!"

"Now, Sailor Moon, now!" Mars ordered, while at the same time keeping up her attack. All their foreheads were beaded with sweat from the effort they were exerting at grounding down Anima.

"Ok," Sailor Moon said with a nod. She started up with her wind up. "Moon Spiral Heart At-aaaaccck!" Sailor Moon fell down, her hair tangled up around her legs, tripping her.

The backlash, as all the Sailors stopped their attacks from shock, knocked them off their feet.

"No!" Mercury said horrified.

"Oh, yes," Anima said with delight. "Prepare to die, Sailor Soldiers!" As her guns started to build up power, all the Sailors silently made peace with the world.

Then, just as Anima was about to fire, Anima herself was blown off her feet, a single rose sticking out of her head.

"Tuxedo Kamen-sama!" yelled all the Sailor Soldiers, even Uranus and Neptune though they were instantly mortified.

"Attacking something, something, something, is wrong, something, something, will not forgive you, something," Tuxedo Kamen muttered hurriedly, not really in the mood to go all out with the speech. Besides, sometimes his actions spoke even more eloquently than he could. He quickly leaped off the lamppost and down to his beloved.

"Are you all right, Sailor Moon?" he asked with deep concern, turning her around and lifting her head. He gasped at how quickly her eyes were spiraling.

"Congratulations on the baby, Mina-chan, Calcite-kun. Oh, he's not doing any real harm, Rei-chan, so leave him alone. What do you mean that the Deathlord was trained at our university?" Usagi muttered dazedly, her mind temporally dislocated by the fall. "Badges? We don't need no stinking badges."

"Uh," groaned Anima as she slowly got up. "Damn rose," she said, as she pulled the rose out of her head.

"Sailor Moon?" Tuxedo Kamen said, shaking her slightly. "Usako? Are you alright?"

"Always look on the bright side of life," Sailor Moon sang.

"We can't use our powers," Mars gasped out. "It's up to you!"

Tuxedo Kamen stared at Anima, who was standing shakily, and nodded fiercely. "Right."

It's up to me, he thought. Bottom of the ninth, bases loaded, and two strikes. Time to bring in `da noise, bring in `da funk.

"Ha," Anima said, "that was just a lucky shot. What can a spindly little pretty boy like you do against the raging machine that is the sexy Anima-sama!" She started training all her guns upon him, though she didn't bother with targeting. Dead reckoning would be good enough for him.

"I don't think so," Tuxedo Kamen said with his own nasty smile. He lifted his cape and nothing happened.

"You're joking, right?" Anima said, starting to enjoy this.

"Wait." Slowly, a low roaring noise started to come from nowhere. It got consecutively louder and louder, occasionally punctuated by two loud blasts of a horn. Two white spots appeared on the red of Tuxedo Kamen's cape.

"Eh?" Anima said, puzzled. Then she realized what was coming. "Oh, shoot."

A pause.

"Shiny?" Anima yelled out when the train hit her.

Toot, toot, went the horn as it passed them.

Everyone was left speechless, save for Sailor Moon, who was currently muttering about how boring it was being queen.

"How . . . how did you do that?" Mercury asked, finally. "That's impossible."

Tuxedo Kamen smiled enigmatically and said, "Just think of it as a trick of the light."

"But, but, but," Mercury sputtered.

"Shouldn't you be looking after Sailor Moon?" he said archly.

"Oh, yes, of course," Mercury said, blushing, as she got up from the ground.

"Hey, where did Uranus and Neptune go?" Venus asked, looking around.

"Ungrateful tarts," Jupiter said darkly.

"Well, that was embarrassing," Uranus said, as they both ran across the rooftops after Kaolinite. For some reason, which they were not about to question other than to vaguely wonder whether it was a trap, Kaolinite had not teleported away and was merely flying very quickly away. Uranus frowned as a thought occurred to her. "Say, wouldn't it be ironic, don't you think, if we were the ones that had the Talismans?"

Neptune did not even bother to give the matter any thought. "Unlikely," she said, rather too harshly in her ears, "we don't have hearts that pure."

"Heh," Uranus smiled slightly bitterly. "You're right. Ucha!" With that, Uranus leaped forward, bridging the gap between Kaolinite and herself, and started choking her with her forearm. "Hi there! I'm feeling really angry right now and I've decided to choke the life out of you and pop your eyeballs so that this day isn't a total loss. Don't you feel special?"

Kaolinite began to learn that spreading the joy could get very ironical.

"So how did you do it, Mamo-chan?" Usagi asked, stars in her eyes. Her prince was just so dashing!

"It's a secret, Usako," Mamoru answered for the fiftieth time, still with that smile on his face. "After all, where's the mystique in knowing how the magician got the rabbit out of the hat?"

"Oh, all right," pouted Usagi.

"Hey, why don't I treat all of you to a celebratory meal?" Mamoru suggested hastily and, it would soon become clear, unthinkingly.

"YAY!" went the thunderous response.

Kaolinite, finally able to activate her subcutaneous teleporter, flickered away from her tormentors and back to the dubious comfort of the laboratory. As she arrived, she heard: "-No, Eudial, I am not getting you a `Suburban Assault Vehicle'," the Professor said over the phone. "For one thing, the streets of Tokyo are too narrow. For another, the budget is already strained as it is."

"Pro-Professor?" Kaolinite croaked out. The Professor froze and sweated slightly. He quickly recovered, however.

"Um, that's right, two orders of Noodles with fishcakes and two orders of sweet and sour pork. Thank you, Shanghai Chinese." He put down the phone and turned around. "Ah, Kaolinite-kun. I see that you failed once more."

"I need a vacation," she answered just before she collapsed.

"What a weird day," Titanite said as she stared up at her ceiling. She hadn't mentioned the Daemon attack to the others mostly because Calcite would never let her out of the house if she did. That, or put her on such a harsh training regime that she'd die. The fact that she was utterly embarrassed by being taken out so easily when she could have fought and destroyed that Daemon and really impressed the Sailor Soldiers didn't figure into it. Oh no, certainly not. However, that was not the reason why she was staring so pensively at the huge poster tacked onto the ceiling.

"I never got my answer! Why IS Katsuragi Misato so like Usagi-san?" she yelled out.

"Well, sometimes the story doesn't have to tie all the loose ends," Hagbard Celine said. "Sometimes, especially when the writer is feeling lazy, (s)he just leaves things dangling. It's one of the things you have to deal with."

"But that's silly!" Titanite protested.

"Hey, the writer's allowed to be silly. (S)He's just some guy/gal, you know? Care to toke of the fruit of divinity?"

"No, thanks."

"Fair enough."

"All right, so sometimes things stay unresolved. But does this one have to?" Titanite said plaintively.

"One explanation's as good as another," Hagbard said with a shrug. "And sometimes none`s better than all."

Titanite frowned and pouted as cutely as she could.

"Alright, you piece of jail-bat, you, but only `cause you pout so nicely.

Titanite beamed, flushed from even this little victory.

"It's like this: there has to be a hell to give meaning to heaven. Like your friend said, maybe the two of you are mirror twins: one that will go onto paradise, the other which was given the boot. You know: heaven has no meaning without hell and all that. And maybe, because of that, there has to be some people who are of the same mold, superficially. To show what could have been so that it becomes all so damned poignant that you can't breath for the melodrama."

"That's depressing," Titanite commented. "I . . . I don't think that I could watch Evangelion any longer."

"If you want. Want to have sex?" he asked hopefully.

"No."

"Fair enough."

The scene fades, the props are put away, and only the last player, the diabolus ex machina remains.

"Oh, and what would you have me say? That the only significance was that the creators wanted to be cute and referential? That would have been anticlimactic. Besides, it's only a story, and a silly one at that. Relax, will you? Besides, I am a great liar in every sense of the word and how could I go against my nature? In fact, the explanation that I gave you just now could be a lie. Think on that."

"Hey!" Titanite yelled out, outraged and red in the face. "Who the HECK was that?!"

Not the end but an ending

OR: The Alternate Ending if you're not in the mood for a mindbender!

"What a weird day," Titanite said as she stared up at her ceiling. She hadn't mentioned the Daemon attack to the others mostly because Calcite would never let her out of the house if she did. That, or put her on such a harsh training regime that she'd die. The fact that she was utterly embarrassed by being taken out so easily when she could have fought and destroyed that Daemon and really impressed the Sailor Soldiers didn't figure into it. Oh no, certainly not. However, that was not the reason why she was staring so pensively at the huge poster tacked onto the ceiling.

"I never got my answer! Why IS Katsuragi Misato so like Usagi-san?" she yelled out.

"Do you really want to know?" came a voice from the doorway.

"Wha-?" Titanite said, shocked. She quickly turned to the door and started unconsciously to charge up her power. "Who . . . who are you?"

"Oh, just an interested party," said the woman with the elegantly long green hair and the stylishly tight violet dress. "Not an enemy, though."

"Oh." Titanite lowered her hand and straightened herself on the bed. "So, what is the answer to my question."

"I'm not going to tell you," said the woman with the green hair. "I don't think that you really want to know. You might ask that friend of yours, but I doubt that she would tell you even if she did know. Even if I knew, I wouldn't tell you."

"You don't know?" Titanite said, shocked, for the woman before her gave out such an aura of eldritch wisdom that even if she didn't know something, she could quickly find out.

"I have . . . theories," the woman admitted. "That one that the smart one gave was a good one. I think that if I knew the real reason, I would lose my sanity. So just . . . pick one that you like and live with it. That's what the rest of us do."

"The rest of who?"

"Oh, you know, us. The `Them'. Those people. You know." And, as suddenly as she appeared, within the blink of an eye, she was gone, no showy flash of light or shimmer in the air, just simply . . . gone.

"No, I don't know!" screamed Titanite in extreme frustration. When she had had one question answered, or rather told that the answer was not known to anyone which was sort of an answer, she had another one popped into her head. "Who are They!"

Then the others popped into her room, ready to kill to defend, she had to do a lot of fast talking to explain what had happened and to stop them from destroying her stuff. She was then scolded slightly about not scaring the others half to death, leaving her feeling quite crummy.

This was, on the whole, not one of the better days that she had ever had.