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The "Bogosity" thread of the Sailor Moon Expanded mailing list were a series of "what if" jokes based on Mark Latus' "Titianite's Bogus Journey" and was started by Christian Gadekin when he first joined. Some of them were one-liners but still it is fun to imagine the zany twists the Sailor Moon characters might appear in. FDB 02/27/02 |
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The Continuing Bogosity of Titaniteby Christian Gadekin, Mark Latus, Becky Malsin and others |
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The Continuing Bogosity of Titanite Part 1 It was a rather dirty alley, the metallic ground and walls crusted with salt and grime. Above the low grind of machinery, a seabird could occaisionally be heard. Titanite frowned distractedly around as she walked towards one end of the alley. She appeared to be arguing with herself, or possibly with her conscience. "...no, I don't think I fooled her, I think she knows what I had in mind, but it's *true*, we *do* need to know what's out here, and I think I can take care of myself by now. There's just too much interesting stuff out here, and as long as everything's running smoothly I should-" A loud crash from outside the alley interrupted the monologue. Titanite paused, checked her appearance,(a human girl in jeans and a CTU sweatshirt) then cautiously sidled up to the corner and peered out. Beyond the corner was a wide, metal-floored plaza. At one side was a quartet of hardsuited women facing a huge, four-legged mech.. At the other was a twin-rotored helicopter, at the door of which stood a gray-haired man who was watching the armored figures with a frown. Titanite was also frowning. "Wait-that's not where I should be..." She squinted at the crab-mech. "And why does that thing say 'Polaris'?" One of the armored women stepped up to the "crab" and flipped up her faceplate. Titanite's jaw dropped as the woman pleaded, "Please, stop this before it's too late! He was your brother, but he was my love; we shouldn't remember him this way!" The cockpit opened, revealing another Titanite inside, wearing a yellow-and-white jumpsuit. She looked down, her face filled with regret. "I'm sorry Minako. This is all I have left." She looked across the plaza and snarled, "Quincy, my name is Titania Hobbes. You killed my brother. Prepare to die!" The hatch closed, and two Gatling cannon opened up, shredding the helicopter and apparently the man in front of it. The Titania in the alley was not surprised, however, when "Quincy" began bulking-out into an Extra-Large boomer. She watched a moment longer- Usagi's voice: AAAAAH!! IT'S SHOOTING AT MEEEEEEEE!!! Rei's voice: You airhead! Take some cover!! * then turned and walked back down the alley, pulling out the Gate Key Pyrite had made. She sighed. "I think I'll mark this one, 'No noticable difference,' and-huh?" She looked up just in time to see a bulky, black-and-white mech fall out of the sky onto the plaza. There was a chatter of weapons fire and a boomer scream. Mamoru's voice: Pull yourself together, Saber Moon! Fight the way I know-AAAAAARGH!! Titanite sighed again. "Yep. No difference at all." She fiddled with the Gate Key and vanished. TO BE CONTINUED... Date: Tue, 14 Jan 1997 10:47:00 -0600 (CST) The Continuing Bogosity of Titanite "Well, this looks a lot like home back in the 20th century, except everybody's got different names for some reaason. And if this is Tokyo, why are people speaking English?" TO BE CONTINUED... Date: Thu, 6 Feb 1997 01:34:43 -0600 (CST) The Continuing Bogosity of Titanite Part 3 Girl student: Mmmmmmmmm... Pyrite: Oh, my... Girl student: Oh, Professor..... [With a ZAP Titanite appears on a stage in one corner of the lab. Azurite drops her glamour and jumps off Pyrite's lap.] Azurite: Ti!? What are you doing here? Pyrite: She must have hit the emergency return....Ti? Are you all right? [Titanite just stands there a moment. Her clothes are slightly torn and she's holding herself stiffly, as if in some pain. Slowly, her eyes focus on Pyrite, then switch from a vacant gaze to a furious glare.] Titanite: You and that STUPID TV show..... A&P: Hah? [Ti walks gingerly over to a data display, fumbles around in her pockets a bit, then produces a data crystal and plugs it in. She fiddles with it a moment, then--] Titanite: This is the world I was in when I hit the escape. [The display shows a highly mechanized cityscape, stretching as far as the eye can see. The view pans around for several seconds, then jerks and whips over to focus on a blond girl with a number of black, insectoid-looking cybernetic implants.] Azurite: Hey, that's--! Usagi(on screen): We are Sailor Moon. You will be assimilated. TO BE CONTINUED... Date: Thu, 6 Feb 1997 03:34:43 -0600 (CST) [Sound effect of wind rushing past at VERY high speed] "Okay, I admit I should have anticipated this. It's not like it'd be HARD to guess that Cefiro's warp-point was 2000 feet in the air." TO BE CONTINUED... From: "Mark Latus" "Welcome back Ti, so how was it this time?" Titanite didn't answer Ami's question. She just shook her head, tossed the recorder to Pyrite and stalked out of the Dimensional Studies lab in search of a strong drink. The two scientists looked at each other for a moment in confusion then headed towards the playback console. Pyrite fastforwarded over the data readouts to the beginning of visual recording. A small 20th century town appeared on the screen and the view panned over a sign marked, "Frostbite Falls, Minnesota. Population 572". Then there were the sound of explosions mixed with evil laughter and the picture began rushing towards the source. Seven figures appeared on the screen. Two with a definite bad guy look, five in very familiar costumes. It was the sight of what was in the senshi outfits that made the picture shake. The leader in the white and blue fuku wasn't human. Instead it was some sort of anthromorphic antlered humanoid. Beside it stood a creature half its' size. A short, bipedal, glasses wearing dog in a Sailor Mercury outfit. Next to it was the group's first human, a boy unselfconscious in a Sailor Mars outfit with a height and glasses that mirrored the dog's. The fourth was a man wearing a red tunic over his Sailor Jupiter outfit who stood next to the group's only female member. The orange haired pigtailed woman in the Sailor Venus costume was leaning against him which was making him look uncomfortable. Facing them were a short man dressed entire in black and his taller companion, a woman in a very tight deep purple dress. She was talking, "Boris darling ..." "Shut up Fatalite. BAHAHAHA we've got you Sailors now! You saw the small bombs detonate. I have cleverly hidden a big bomb in this annoying little town. If you don't hand over the upsadasium map immediately Frostbite Fall's goes boom!" He did another of those laughs and offcamera Titanite was heard to mutter, "What the heck kind of accent was that?" The antlered sailor sounded puzzled, "Hmmm a decision. Does this require thinking?" In contrast the canine senshi's voice was firm. "Don't worry, these two never succeed." "That's right Sailor Peabody!" "I'm always right Sailor Sherman." Next to them the man said, "I think I should arrest those two in the name of the Mounted immediately." "You mean in the name of the Sailor Wardiers, Sailor DoRight! "Couldn't I arrest in the name of the Mounted for once Sailor Nell? I'm getting some funny looks back at the post prancing around in this outfit." Meanwhile the shrimp in black did another of those annoying laughs, "BAHAHAHAHAHA..." Which cut off suddenly when a great booming voice from nowhere bellowed, "STOP MESSING AROUND, BADANOVITE! JUST GET ME THE UPSIDASIUM MINE'S MAP OR I'M PUTTING WHIPLASHITE IN CHARGE!" "Yes, Mr. Big! So where is map?" The creature in the costume seemed to finally reach a decision. You could almost here the gears grinding it it's head. It rumbled, "Guess I got no choice!", and reached into a pocket in his costume. Suddenly a small pole bearing a minature american flag embedded itself in the ground. All eyes turned to the small figure balancing on the peak of a nearby roof. "Hokey smokes Sailor Moose! You can't give up map that easily. Think of your country." "Oh yeah. Thanks Rocky!" "Use the codenames Bull ... Sailor Moose." "Curses! Is Tuxedo Squirrel!" The small figure dropped down to join his team as Natasha managed to regain her collegue's attention. "Boris darling, didn't you say you set the bomb to explode at noon and hid it in a mailbox?" "Fatalite, don't say that sort of thing out loud!" "Sorry darling but ..." She pointed to the mailbox beside them. All eyes turned to the steeple on the town hall where the clock was ticking past 11:59. There was a loud boom and both villains headed for the stratosphere and eventual splashdown in Potsellvania. "Does that mean we won?" The picture swung away and headed for the town outskirts as Titanite decided to leave rather than witness the others explain matters to their dimwitted leader. Pyrite paused the playback and looked at Ami, "So what do you think?" "I think we'll add this one to the proscribed worlds list under the "Very silly" category. But if we ever need to timetravel and Setsuna's unavailable at least we know where to borrow a wayback machine." End So anyone else out there like the Jay Ward cartoons? Yeah I know Mr Peabody would make a better Sailor Pluto but I couldn't work that it. From: "M. Gilson" mgilson@blue.weeg.uiowa.edu Titanite looked arround at the residential area bordered by a canal. "This looks familiar, somehow." Just then an approaching commotion drew her attention. She looked up to see a green haired boy with a pig tail running along the fence top, pursued by a blond girl on the sidewalk carrying a box lunch. "Calcite you jerk! You haven't even tried it! "C'mon Minako, I don't have to eat it to know it's toxic." A short haired girl pecking at a laptop as she walked said ,"My you love birds have started early this morning, sis." as they passed her. "What are you talking about Ami!" said the blond as she screeched to a stop. Then the ring of a bell was followed by the boy being run over by a bicycle ridden down the fence top by a cat featured platinum blond in a chinese pants suit. "Nihao, Calcite! You date with Margrave, yes?" "Get offa me Margrave!" "Calcite you pervert, stop hugging Margrave!" "Besides Margrave, Cal honey is helping me after class." added an attractive blue haired girl in a boys uniform. "Is that OK Minako?" "Why sould I care what that pervert does, Azurite." An effeminate boy in a gymnasts uniform scattered petals as he twirled a ribbon. "Oh-ho-ho-ho Calcite-sama, why spend time with these wicked girls when you could be with me?" "Hush, Zoicite, and waste not your time on such a cur. So says Kunzite, the Black Thunder of the highschool Kendo world!" "For betraying Minako prepare to die Calcite!" shouted a boy in a trenchcoat as he shattered the pavement with his umbrella. "Oh, hello Ferrite, it's good to see you again." "MI-mi-minako! Wha-wha-what a pleasant surprise!" A blond child with her hair in two pony tails ran up shouting,"You delinquents! I will punish you!" There was a flash and all fighting stopped. The child was now a tall regal looking woman. The girls bowed to her saying,"Good morning, Usagi-sensei." As a handsome middle aged man addressed as 'Chiba-sama' by the teacher and 'Daddy' by the blond and short haired girls joined the crowd, followed by a turquoisehaired woman and a goofy acting androgynous blond called 'Michiru-older sister' and 'Dr. Haruka' respectively, Titanite headed back to the pick up point. "Actually kind of fun," she mused,"but the others will say it's just too big of a head ache." "I wonder if I'm Cal's sister here, or does he turn into me?" From: Becky Malsin Bogosity? Inconcievable! Azurite and Calcite watched the data crystal that Titanite had brought back. Ti seemed to be at a cliff, a very tall one. Panning the camera down they saw a group of girls being pursued by a man in black. It seemed that Ti had rushed off to hide in some ruins. The girls reached the top and they got a better look at them. The first was an exceptionaly large version of Titanite. The second, who had just unstrapped herself from the other Titanite, was a hunchback who looked a lot like Ami. Thirdly was a version of Makoto that was wearing a tunic and carried a sword. She also had a scar on each cheek. Last of all was a Serenity who looked rather frightened and much younger than usual. She seemed to be the other's captive. After they had cut the rope on Ami-the-hunchback's command the Makoto with a sword said "He's still down there" "Inconcievable!" When this Ami was finally convinced of the man in black's survival she had their Makoto stand guard and fight the man in black. After a quick debate about which hand to use while fighting the others scampered off. Needless to say when the man in black, who was Endymion in a ninja uniform, reached the top he eventually fought a duel. First though he had to sit through a story about Makoto Montanya's (aka the swordslady) past. She evidentaly was looking for a six fingered man. After fighting and knocking out Makoto, Endymion then proceeded to immobalize Titanic (the Ti-like giant), who was his next challenger. After that he appearently killed Vizami (the hunchback) with something called "Iocane Powder". A minute later the transmission ended. The two Renegades shook their heads. The Immortal S. Morganstern was probably rolling around in his grave. |
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And it pretty much dropped off after Christain left. FDB 02/27/02 |
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