[Mixumaxu, Toka]

Alexander Jones hated his new intern. Correction, he loathed her. All feeling towards the Franco-Polack twentysomething that came from Jones was negative, from her beret to her cloggs. What higher power could have had the absolute malice to inflict the "oh taco" on him.

Hmm, that didn't sound quite right. What was the word again? "Otaka?" "Otaki?" "Otake?" "Otaku," that was it! From how she explained it, the Nihonese word meant a cartoon fanatic, specifically of something called "Annie Mae." These evidently were cartoons from the Empire of Nihon. In simpler terms, they were a hit with the Hoka.

Within twenty-four hours Mixumaxu had been transformed. They were calling it "Crystal Mixumaxu" now and the little devilish theodoro-ursines were coating the Government Building with quartzite this very second. He didn't even want to think about what had happened to him in the quarter they had recently renamed Nerima. Suffice to say, even the Gummi Bear incident was easier on his mental health than those run-ins with the tiger-stripe bikini female and the male in the Chinese clothes.

Things had taken a turn for the worse lately. It seemed that a couple dozen Hoka had gone mysteriously missing. The only clue he had was that most of them were affiliated with the re-enactment of something called "Sailormoon." Just this morning a hysterical mother had called in, afraid that her daughter had eloped with another one of the missing Hoka. Given that the couple dozen seemed to have exited the planet together, that wasn't his top theory.

Alex sighed.

"Master Jones?"

"Yes Raj . . . err, Sasuke?"

The Hoka-ninja bowed. "The Legionaires discovered a human babbling in the Sahara desert. They were hoping you could make sense of him."

"Oh. Show him in then."

The four female Hoka who currently called themselves the Knight Sabres dumped a writhing form on the floor of Jone's office, then left with Sasuke. It was almost painful to look at him.

"No more Hoka! No more Hoka! Cuteness lethal!"

Then, suddenly, the writhing stopped. The human man blinked at Jones. "Are they gone?"

"Oh. Yes, they're gone. You're afraid of Hoka?"

The man blushed. "Sorta. It's a long story. Acute cute-phobia, which wasn't helped by them waving around Cutie Moon Rods." He seemed to be Asian, late twenties or perhaps older. "Oh, most people call me Ron Inn."

"Like the masterless samurai?"

Ron shook his head. "Those are pronounced with an 'oh' sound."

"Ah, I see. I'm Alexander Jones, plentipotentiary. You mentioned a 'Cutie Moon Rod?'"

"Yeah, like on Sailormoon. You ever see the show?"

"Not until a couple of our Hoka went missing in circumstances related to the show. Then, yes, I saw quite a few episodes. Might you have an idea where they went, Mr. Inn?"

"Just call me 'Ron.' Sure. I was trying to get away from them and I took a wrong turn. If you have a computer with you, I can get your Hoka. Just as long as you get them out of my stage."

Alex smiled. "It's a deal."

[SME Backstage, Main Sets]

Margrave grimaced as she looked at the car in front of her. It wasn't merely the fact that the 1987 blue Chevy Celebrity was rather beat-up and dirty. No, it was the name of the car that gave her great pain.

"Lemmee get this straight, Beck-o: you're the President of my Fan Club and yet you persist in naming your car Azurite?"

"See, you know how Chevies are like rocks? Well, azurite is a blue kind of rock and a margrave is a European title of nobility. Azurite fits better. If it was brown I woulda of called it Titanite, or if it was yellow I woulda called it Pyrite and white woulda been Calcite. I meant no offense, Marg- chan."

The cat woman flexed her claws. "You sure?"

The girl gulped. "Positive. Could you please let me out of the car, Marg- chan?"

"Just don't do it again," the youma muttered as she stalked off.

The brown-haired girl looked at her redhead companion. "Phew! I was a bit nervous back there. Hey! Look, there's ice cream over there, Jill-chan!"

"Uh-hmmm." Jillian seemed to be engrossed in Plutarch's "Lives," currently.

Becky frowned. "Naoko Takeuchi autographing copies of her latest manga?"

"Uh-hmmm." Turn the page.

"Giant alien chickens dancing the watusi?"

"Uh-hmmm." Reread last paragraph.

"Demand performing a strip-tease?"

Jill's head whipped up. "WHERE?"

"Made ya look!"

Meanwhile, in a narrow alleyway behind the new SME studio:

The lid of a disused dumpster slowly rose several inches. From inside the dumpster, two eyes peered up and down the alley, then the lid slowly closed again.

Several minutes later, Setsuna calmly walked into the alley and rapped on the dumpster's lid with her staff.

"You can come out now," she said in a low voice.

The lid rose again, and a muffled voice asked, "Is it safe?"

"Mark's left the lot for a couple of weeks, so it's relatively safe."

Craig stuck his head out of the dumpster. "Did I miss anything?"

Setsuna shrugged. "Ron's gone missing, we've had several more applicants, and there's a new guy who managed to make the cut." She glanced at her watch. "He should be here anytime."

For just a moment an almost chilling smirk played about the corners of her mouth. "Assuming of course nothing...unexpected...happens to him before he gets here." The smirk seemed to widen still more before melting back into her usual imperturbable expression.

"Who's the new guy?"

"Craig something-or-other. We're calling him CraigB to tell him from you."

Again she smiled. "He'll be bringing some...friends... Apparently they've been looking for him for quite some time to sort out some...contractual anomalies." For just a moment the smirk was back. "I imagine the meeting won't quite be what he expects but it should be quite something to watch. Oh yes;" She glanced again at her watch and the smirk was now unmistakable. "any minute now I should say."

A furry head popped up next to Craig's.

"When's the next SME writer's meeting?"

"For which group?" asked Setsuna blandly. "Human or Hoka?"

"Either," replied HCraig with a shrug.

"Will you stay out of this?" snarled Craig at his Hoka counterpart. "It's bad enough my only working copies of my BGC stories are a thousand miles from my new home in Florida."

Smiling to herself at the growing argument, Setsuna's head turned, her eyes flicking for a moment towards the farther end of the alley, the smile deepening before she turned back to the arguing pair.

"Right on time." She murmured softly.

Craig continued his rant. "Not only am I trying to finish WC#2 before we start shooting, but I had to hide from Mark because he blames me for you Hokas showing up and wreaking havoc on the lot. In addition, I had to listen to you plot out my next five BGC stories so they don't make sense!"

"I'm impressed," said Setsuna dryly. "All that in one breath."

"What's wrong with making Nene the head of the ADP?" asked HCraig innocently.

The quiet, distant snicker passed unheard by all but Setsuna.

`Nope, not long now.' She thought to herself in anticipation.

"Because it doesn't MAKE ANY BLOODY SENSE!!!!"

The Hoka waved a paw in front of his muzzle. "Easy on the onions next time, Ace." He stepped back out of the angry human's reach. "So Nene is out as ADP chief, right?"

"YES!"

The Hoka thought for a moment. "How about Priss as the new ADP chief?"

This time the choked gasps of laughter would have been quite audible but for the fact that neither of the two were paying attention to anything but one another.

Craig's howl of anger and frustration was lost as the wind suddenly picked up in the alley. A hole opened in the air twenty yards away and a figure stepped through. Once the figure was through, the hole closed up again.

Moving quickly, both Craigs grabbed Setsuna, pulled her into the dumpster, then closed the lid to the point where only a crack remained open.

The figure turned in their direction. It was a young man, wearing glasses, a well-tailored suit and an arrogant expression.

"What a dump," he said, glancing around the alley. "Oh, well, can't be helped."

The figure strode down the alley until he reached the dumpster. Once he reached it, he leaned against the wall and pulled out a small tape recorder. He pressed a button on the side of the machine and began speaking.

"Entry number one, Toshiyuki Aoshima reporting. Well, I'm finally here on the SME lot, ready to dig up all the dirt on the cast and crew for the Tattler. Is Usagi as big a crybaby as has been rumored? Is Rei having a romance with Mark Latus?" He turned so his back was to the dumpster. "Does Setsuna drink like a fish? Is Minako starring in Lemon stories on the side?"

Unseen by Aoshima, the lid of the dumpster opened slightly. A feminine arm reached out from the dumpster aiming for the back of Aoshima's neck. A masculine and a furry arm shot out and grabbed the first arm, dragged it back inside the dumpster, and the lid sank silently back into place.

Aoshima continued his recording, unaware how close to death he'd come. "I'm going undercover on this one, with only my skills and charms the only things standing between me and certain death. Wish me luck. Aoshima out."

He turned the recorder off and pocketed it. Without a glance back, he strode off down the alley. He turned the corner and was gone.

The lid of the dumpster was suddenly and violently shoved open. Setsuna stood there, glaring at the Human and the Hoka.

"Why didn't you let me kill him?" she hissed.

"We can't," said Craig quickly. "He turns up dead, they'll send a whole gaggle of reporters next time."

"So?" asked the Senshi from Pluto in a voice as cold as her planet.

"We can't keep killing reporters."

"Why not?" asked the Hoka

Craig glared at his furry counterpart. "Because we'll be flooded with those parasites."

"We could grab him and ship him off to the planet of Chibi-Usas."

"I wouldn't do that to one Chibi-Usa, let alone an entire planet." Craig frowned. "Why does that guy's name sound familiar?"

HCraig handed him a manga book. "Twelve pages from the back cover."

Craig looked at the front. "Oh My Goddess?" He opened the book up to the indicated page and began reading. After several seconds, he said. "This is bad."

"I thought the story was quite good," replied Setsuna.

"I'm not talking about the story! Aoshima is a devious type who will do anything to get a story. We have to stop him."

"How do we do that?"

Craig thought for a moment. "OK, Setsuna, you go alert the cast and crew. HCraig, you go warn the Hokas."

"What are you going to do?" asked Setsuna.

"Hide in the dumpster and whimper for a while."

Setsuna reached out and grabbed Craig by the collar. "You're going to warn the other writers."

"Right," replied Craig weakly. "Warn everyone."

With that, the trio dashed up the alley and split off in different directions, determined to warn everyone that an insidious invader was amongst them.

For a few seconds all was quiet, then a frustrated growl seemed to ripple through the alley. a moment later six apparently human and quite obviously female figures seemed to fade into being in the deeper shadows at its farther end, followed a moment later by a seventh.

The first were clothed in identical black form-fitting jumpsuits all looking a little the worse for wear while the seventh was wrapped close in a long, supple jet-black cloak that flowed almost to the ground, the effect of cool, restrained power somewhat ruined by the fact that the cloak was in a hundred wrinkles and smudged with small, dusty paw-marks as though something had clutched desperately at it in a last attempt to restrain its wearer, this made further evident by the tangled mess of her long flame-red hair.

"I'm going to kill him!" Growled the cloaked figure, her hands clenching and unclenching spasmodically while her emerald eyes flashed dangerously as they darted wildly this way and that as though trying to watch everything and everywhere at once. "I'm going to tear his ears off at the shoulders and feed them to him at the neck-end. I'm going to--"

"Calm down oneechan!" One of the others laid a hand gently on her shoulder. "They're not here and at least this looks like a better alternative."

"Calm down!" The first raged. "After what that...that twisted excuse for an idiot planned to put us through after tearing us out of our own universe...sorry, omniverse!" Her eyes had begun to glow with an unhealthy intensity and little green sparks seemed to dance at her finger-tips that made the others step warily away from her. "Earth-Beta is bad enough but at least things will turn out alright for us in the end, no thanks of course to him. Earth-Alpha would have been tolerable and probably Serenity or the renegades would have been willing to compromise even if it really is impossible for us to go home. But Earth-Hoka!" With a snarl she threw both hands skywards, tiny ki-blades exploding from her hands in a screaming storm that had the others yelping and diving wildly for cover while the unfortunate dumpster was shredded into a hundred small pieces. "A whole planet of those damned things! Just what the hell did he think he was doing! If it hadn't been for Becky's starting this herself you know what that pathetic imbecile would have done don't you? And even now...!!!! Even now it isn't enough; oh no! That lunatic has to go and think up hoka versions of us!!!! Oh no Camilla; sorry but that isn't in my contract! Believe me, when I get my hands on him he's going to wish that he'd never heard the word `write'! He's going to be in so much hurt that he'll beg Pluto to go back and kill his grand- parents so his parents will never have been born to have him. He's going to--"

"Um...excuse me, but would you happen to be Joanna Marina O'Reilly, leader of the Exiles?"

Caught in mid-rant, the cloaked figure whirled to face the interruption. In the next instant her whole body seemed to light up with her battle-aura.

"You!" She blazed, her fist lashing out in a vicious crack to the side of the jaw that spun the unfortunate Aoshima around several times and sent his glasses flying before he ended up on his back amongst the wreck that had once been the dumpster.

"Um...a simple yes would have been fine." He groaned, feeling the already purpling bruise as he made to stagger to his feet.

In the next instant he found himself picked up by the neck and dangled several inches off the ground.

"First of all, I didn't particularly like my mother and so don't particularly care to be reminded of my middle name, Marina-chan here not withstanding." Purred Joanna in an unnervingly mild tone as she began to swing the unfortunate Aoshima back and forth like a pendulum.

"Gahhkk!" He commented, this due to the fact that he was finding it increasingly difficult to breathe.

"Second, I don't care to be interrupted when I'm planning ever-lasting torment for the idiot who told us this would be a simple straight-forwards `Soul- splinters get pulled into SME-Beta, help the resistance and either settle down or go somewhere else after the story's end.' contract.

"Gurk gurkle ghakk-a-gahk?" He tried again, his arms beginning to flail and his face to turn an interesting shade of purple.

"And thirdly, my template never particularly liked your alternate in her omniverse and if you don't stop trying to gape at what your trying to gape at" She glanced pointedly down. "I'll give you a reason for needing glasses; dark ones. I assume you understand?"

With that, she wound up and hurled the wide-eyed reporter skywards with all the force she had.

"At least tell me if it's true that you only hate girls like Haruka and Michiru because you don't want to admit you're really--"

"SHINE!!!!"

The ki-bolt slammed into the already distant aoshima, accelerating his flight to truly dangerous velocity, his final words unheard by the incensed multiversal composite as she glared murderously after his swiftly disappearing form.

"Oh that freak is just so dead." She grated between savagely bared teeth.

She might have said more, but at that moment a swirling vortex sprang into being at the farther end of the alley and her eyes narrowed in still greater rage as seven figures tumbled out to crash in an undignified tangle of arms and legs.

"Hey! If it's not too much trouble could you get off my hair?" Cried a small figure almost lost in a long midnight cloak that covered her furry form almost from head to foot.

Her voice although thin and reedy was eerily familiar and a moment later a squeal from one of her companions had her twisting with astounding agility from the tangle and leaping forwards with a delighted cry of: "Joanna-sama!"

For just a moment, her human counterpart seemed to twitch uncontrollably. Then a sudden gentle too-pleasant smile lighted her beautiful face as she turned suddenly-kindly emerald eyes on the furry form who had moved to stand before her.

"Ah, Hoka-Joanna; I'm so glad you and the others managed to follow us." She said, her smile widening still more as her eyes seemed verily to glow with delight.

"You are?" The other exclaimed, the caution learned from imitating her counterpart overwhelmed temporarily by this sudden acceptance.

"Why of course." Joanna answered, her smile suddenly very far from pleasant while Ki danced like carnivorous fireflies on her suddenly outstretched hands. "I'm feeling particularly homicidal at the moment and you're conveniently nice and accessible. Die!"

"Um, eep?" Squealed the Hoka, back-peddling frantically until she slammed abruptly into a pair of long female legs.

"Going so soon?" Purred Rhiannon-- no relation to the first Rhiannon employed at SME, given that she was neither near-sighted nor stuck in a teenager's body-- her hand darting with terrifying speed towards the desperately dodging form. "Hold still now; this won't hurt for long."

In the next instant her mouth gaped wide, a coruscating blast of brilliant violet energy leaping through the space in which Hoka-Joanna had been only a moment before.

"Did we come at a bad time?" The Hoka squeaked as she avoided the blast only to trip in the cloak and sprawl headlong.

Meanwhile the others had not been idle.

"Can we please discuss this?" Hoka-Camilla was pleading, dodging frantically as her usually mild counterpart seemed to be doing her best to flash-fry her out of existence.

"No." Camilla answered, her usually playful blue-green eyes dancing with unbridled mayhem while death of a dozen kinds spat savagely in every direction.

"Um...I could do with a little help here if you don't mind!" Hoka-Lenore panted, dodging the energy her counterpart was blazing at her with speed born of desperation for her life while fishing frantically within her jumpsuit.

A moment later she found what she was looking for and extracted a small glittering crystal.

"Sorryweunderstandyoudon'twanttotalktousjustnowwe'llcomebackwhenyou'vemoretime okbye."

With that she touched the crystal and prepared to lead the others into the portal that had opened suddenly before her; and was knocked sprawling by the bandanna-wearing figure who came strolling headlong into the fray.

"Where on Earth am I now!" Blazed Ryoga as he avoided the frantically dodging Hoka-Liana only to go down hard with his legs tangled in Hoka-Joanna's cloak as she rolled desperately from a down-stroke of the vicious-looking sword with which her counterpart was trying to decapitate her.

"Hold still you little furry Bean-Sidhe!" Came an incensed female voice followed by the swish and crack of a very sharp sword embedding itself into the pavement just beside his head.

"Ranma this is all your fault!" Ryoga roared, leaping to his feet only to be hurtled back through the portal by Joanna's snap-kick to the face meant for her desperately-dodging counterpart.

"Come back here!" She blazed, barely glancing after Ryoga's disappearing scream of outraged fury as the portal snapped shut and she leapt skywards with sword extended. "I could do with a nice fur lining for this cloak and I really like your colour."

"Eepie-eepie-eepie!" Shrieked her counterpart, all pretense of imitating her idol forgotten as she turned and bolted headlong into the street. "Help!" She squealed. "That nasty author's done something terrible to Joanna-sama and she's going to cut me into little tiny pieces and I'll never be able to learn that really scary look she does so well! Helpie-helpie-helpie!"

A moment later the other Hoka were also bolting in every direction, their squeals and the outraged cries and crash of destruction as their counterparts tried in vain to fry or pound them into nothing fading quickly until at last silence returned.

"So, Aoshima, this reporter-from-hell, has broken into the backstage to report for the Tattler. Just send Speck after him."

Becky swallowed quickly and chimed in, "Yeah! This little SOB keeps dying my hair red. Who knows what he'll do to Aoshima?"

"Not to mention stealing my 'Super Jill' cloak," Jill chimed in.

"Yeah. What can he do to Speck? Expose his 'love affair' with H Beryl? Everyone knows that's because H Beryl declared he was hers by Dark Kingdom law. Right, H Becky, H Jill-chan?"

The two furry counterparts who were devouring their own ice cream on the next bench to the right nodded.

"See, everything will be fine. Besides, Jill-chan and I know how to deal with annoying reporters, don't we?"

"Indubitably, Becky-chan. Hmmm, do you think that little flying thing is him? It does seem to be falling at a drasticly fast velocity."

"Might be. We'll see when he lands."

Craig was trying to keep that little sweat-drop from appearing on his forehead as he looked back on the calm teens. He was so busy that he didn't notice that the falling reporter was headed straight for his own little noggin'. "Are you sure, you tw-RAZAFRAZZIN'"

Aoshima dusted himself off, a ravenous look in his eye. "Ah, Jillian Byar. Is it true that you, Prince Demand, and Saffir are carrying on a 'menage a twoi?'"

"Nonsense," Jill replied quite seriously. "If such a thing was planned, I would include my friend Claire."

Aoshima nodded and turned to Becky, "What about you? Are the rumors you're carrying fellow author Sam Ashley's love-child true?"

She blushed. "Actually, I just got my period today, so that rules that out. Besides, I'm a firm believer in birth control and I won't start taking the Pill for a little while yet. Anyway, Sam-kun nosebleeds before we ever get that far."

Aoshima nodded again and turned to one of the passers-by. "Ms. Rhiannon McIntyre, is it not true that you sleep with your grandson?'

The animate looked puzzledly at the reporter. "Didn't you read Chapter Four of 'Rhi and Ti's'?"

Hurriedly, Aoshima accosted another SME actor. "Is it not true, Alan Aino, that your current girlfriend is not even alive, but a 33-S sexaroid?"

The junior Tuxedo Mask shrugged. "I happen to consider Shari very much alive, despite being synthetic, but you can classify sexaroids however you like. However, I have to be going."

Aoshima's face fell. It wasn't working. His gaze fell on Craig. "Is it true, Craig Reed, that you laugh like a hyena?"

"WHY YOU LITTLE . . ."

As Aoshima commenced being chased by an enraged Craig, Jill turned to Becky and sighed, "He just does not know how to handle reporters, does he?"

Her younger companion shook her head. "Not really. More ice cream?"

"Of course." ...............

"What a place!" He sighed at last. "I would have expected something a bit better than this. Still, at least I seem to be near the right place at last and not too late for the TWBD pre-casting I hope. If Pluto didn't insist on being so damn difficult..."

He sighed again, brushing back an errant strand of short prematurely-greying hair with some irritation before turning his attention to the crystal in his hand.

"Follow the directions Setsuna?" He demanded of no one in particular. "Well, if this thing actually gave sensible directions things might be a little easier; but then of course if you'd told me Mark wouldn't be here today I would have told you to forget this run-through until he gets back. And I still have to clean up the outline and make certain Joanna and co. can't do anything too extreme.

"Alright then." He continued, glancing down at the crystal in his hand. "Where now?"

"Why don't you try asking someone likely to answer?"

At the sudden voice, CraigB whirled wildly, heart pounding and eyes starting for a moment before Setsuna seemed to step from shadows that should not have been there to stand at his side.

"My you are a mess!" She continued, her smile far from innocent and her eyes sparkling with amusement as she studied his muddied suit and shoes that were far from the polished state in which they'd started the journey.

"Have you quite finished?" He demanded coldly. "This might be my first day but I don't take kindly to--"

"Oh please; let's dispense with the Kerr Avon impersonations - I'm not here to play `I can be a thousand times colder than you so blaahh!' Shall we go?"

"As you wish." He answered, but a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth despite his attempt to remain stoic and he found himself relaxing just a little as Pluto led him from the alley and towards the building's entrance.

"You realise there are a few formalities first, an initiation one might almost call it, before you get your own staff and staging area."

It was a statement rather than a question and CraigB felt a sudden unreasoning thrill of unease replace the growing calm of a moment before as Pluto turned a sudden almost sadistic smirk in his direction.

"Formalities?" He inquired.

"Mm; formalities." Purred a sudden unfamiliar low, female voice almost in his ear.

For the second time in as many minutes he twisted violently around; and froze.

"Um...pleased to meet you?" He offered weakly, staring in growing alarm at the tall flame-haired figure carrying a very wicked sword and with a battle-aura that would have sent Happosai scurrying for the hills as fast as his legs could carry him had she been as naked as the day she was born.

"Oh I doubt it; I doubt it very much by the time we're finished." She assured him, her smile of anticipation making his blood run cold. "Now just stay right there. I've not had a chance to find out the particulars of cutting an author into several hundred tiny little bits but I'm sure there's a precedent somewhere."

A soft hiss and the sound of several footfalls made him glance behind him just in time to see six figures touch down gently in a hemming semi-circle.

"Why don't you try running?" Pluto suggested helpfully. "The building is in that direction. Last author in is an undertaker's asset."

"OhGodsoutofthewaycomingthrough'scusemeBakusaiTenketsu!"

In the next instant CraigB exploded through the alley wall at full tilt, not caring what was in his way and not stopping to wonder how he had managed even if only once a technique that should have been impossible for him to master after a hundred years of trying.

"Can we murder him now?" Marina demanded as the dust-cloud and the sound of yelling and breaking walls and furniture faded into the distance. "We still have those miserable little things to take care of and that little imp tried to get a sample of my hair!"

Her voice was still laced with anger but a smile was trying to tug at her mouth as she thought of the look on CraigB's face.

"Oh, all in good time." Said Joanna as she turned and led the others at an unhurried pace in their author's wake.

As the seven disappeared and their voices faded into the distance, Setsuna smiled to herself. "Welcome aboard CraigB." She said softly, the smirk of a moment before melting into a gentler if no less mischievous smile. "Yes welcome aboard indeed."

And with that, she tapped the ground before her with her staff and the alley was empty once more.

Jillian dissolved in a burst of giggles while Becky and the Hokas sweatdropped. It was as some wise man had once said: "Sugar and Jillians do not mix well." 'Specially not if said Jill is already bouncing off the walls since she's just been released from college for the summer.

"Um. OK, so no one got that joke," Jill said, calming down. "Where did that reporter go? I wanted to ask him if his paper had a horoscope or something. Also I wanted to point out that the rumors of Demand-sama being completely unavailable for female companionship are true."

"Don't you wish," Hoka Jillian chirped brightly.

Human Jillian's elbow inexplicably found its way into the Hoka Jill's solar plexus (or whatever might be the Hoka equivalent).

Becky peered around for Aoshima. "I don't see him. Or hear him. Maybe Craig The First killed him."

"oh. nuts. how am i going to get paid now?"

That ostensibly-cute, piping little voice was unmistakable, as was the tiny stature of the redheaded bishounen attached to it. Trouble had arrived.

All four girls swivelled and glared down at Jill's stage manager, the Fleaspeck. He bravely withstood this horrible onslaught, peering up inquiringly, wearing his best innocent expression.

"Speck," said Becky, "what did you do?"

"uh, nothing." He began to look around for places to hide; hell may have no fury like a woman scorned, but NOTHING holds the fury of a Becky-with-unwanted- recurringly-red-hair.

"Liar!" both Beckys yelled. The human Becky stood up, fire in her green eyes, and advanced on the tiny creature. "First you catch me in a net when I try to come on Jill-chan's stage, then you dye my hair red, then you steal Jill's beloved cape, then you ... you ... you LIE to us! Bad Speck! Bad, bad, BAD Speck!"

"i didn't steal jill's cape! no sir! she has it in her pocket! besides, um, i have to go now. you can just search the corpse of the reporter and hand over that money that he -- um -- borrowed from me, ok?" He attempted to make a run for it, but all four girls pounced on him and began to tickle him unmercifully until he gave them the answers they wanted.

Sometime later, Jill (now wearing the purple cape that had indeed been in her pocket) observed: "We'd better not let people know that this reporter was invited by my pest of a stage manager. Speck's already a bit too unpopular around here."

"yeah, even though i'm cuter than heck and i've pointed out time and again that it's not my fault that now people call demand the albino freak --" came a muffled voice from a suspiciously Speck-shaped potato sack duct-taped closed.

"Specklet, dear, shut up. -- Becky-chan, I think that it's been a bit too quiet. I mean, even if Craig The First did kill Aoshima, which might not be the case since we ALL know Craig-sempai to be a gentle soul --"

Hoka Becky and Hoka Jillian were suddenly overtaken by a fit of coughing. "I think I need a glass of water..." H. Becky excused herself, and shortly thereafter there was heard a huge gale of laughter from somewhere nearby.

"-- And he'd never do something as crass as kill a reporter, not when we could turn that reporter over to Frank. Wait. I lost my train of thought." This wasn't that unusual for Jill -- her attention span had often been categorized as slightly less than that of the average mayfly.

Becky took over. "And by golly, who's going to warn Sam-kun if Craig The First has just been running around exhausting himself? And where's the rest of the ice cream?"

"And why's Setsuna over there looking so pleased with herself?" wondered Hoka Jillian.

"Dunno," said human Jill, "maybe it's something to do with the flash of light we saw earlier?"

Becky jumped to her feet, seemingly oblivious to this bit of interplay.

"We are on a Mission," she declaimed hotly, "to warn Sam-kun of evil reporters on the loose, and also to see if he's got any spiffy snacks for us!"

And, thus endowed with a Mission, the four girls and one wailing potato sack set off across a backlot crawling with Hokas, enraged authors, and an extremely self-satisfied Angel of Time.

[Mixumaxu, Toka]

"I know it's somewhere around here . . . how many times can a URL change in a few centuries? . . . aha! Here we are, Alex. Err, you don't mind me calling you that, do you?"

Alex shook his head, focusing on the screen. "'The Sailormoon Expanded Fanwork Archive?' What exactly is this?"

"Look at the fourteenth name down on the list of writers."

"Oh! Is _that_ your real name?"

"Whaddyamean 'is that my real name?'" Ron looked at the list again and gulped. "THEY TOOK OFF MY 'RON INN' ALIAS? I'M GONNA KILL THEM!" He searched frantically over the web page trying to find the offender. Finally, at the bottom, there was the italic notation of 'Web Page Maintained, Currently, By Frances Barr.' "Frank, you're gonna wish you never reproduced."

Ron noticed that Alex was looking at him oddly. He blushed. "Well, this is where the missing Hoka went."

"To a web page?" The plenipotentiary asked, puzzled. Then he reread a line of print and grew even more confused. "Err, Ron? This says you lived back at the turn of the twentieth. Do you know how long ago that is?"

Ron nodded, preocupied with fiddling with the computer. "Oh, yeah. I'll try to explain it while I type in the command to get us back there."

"Back where?"

"Oh, you'll see."

There was a flash of light and the two were gone.

[SME Backstage, Cast Quarters]

"Not in his trailer. Damn. Fifth place we looked and everything," Becky muttered.

Jill and the two Hokas nodded their assent. The potato sack containing Speck giggled until Jillian kicked him.

"Maybe he's at home?" H Jill mused out loud. The inarticulate wails that came from the two Beckys made her amend that. "Not his home, your home."

The human Jill nodded her assent. "He's probably back at your place, waiting for you, with spiffy snacks and everything."

"OF COURSE!" Becky shouted with delight. "Onward to my place!"

The four took off at racing speed again, only slowing slightly when they noticed Ron rematerialize with a harried-looking civil servant. The thought of snacks (and nookie, in the case of the twain Beckys) drove them onward. Being the nice little teenage girls they were, the human/Hoka quartet made sure to apologize to all the people they knocked down, usual at an average of twenty feet of ground covered later.

Seeing the door to Becky's kitchen, Jillian grabbed the Speck-in-a-sack, tied him to a useful nearby branch, and barrelled him through the door as a battering ram. It was only providence that the door wasn't ripped off its hinges. Even so, the thought flashed through Becky's mind, right before the four collapsed from exhaustion, that she had just fixed the door. Damn. ...............

She awoke to the wonderful sounds of her 'one true love' screaming his head off. "WE WILL NOT BE CALLING OURSELVES 'THAT CATERING GUY AND HIS HOKA' AND THAT'S FINAL!" She let her eyes survey the scene. The others seemed to be stretching and other normal just-woke-up activities.

The small furry shape next to the bellowing twentysomething was whining."But Sa-am, I'm helping you make the hors d'oeurves!"

The out-of-work chef glowered at his Hoka counterpart. "NO! This is my catering job and I'll be doing it my own way!"

"But, but . . ."

"But what?" the human Sam asked dangerously.

"Err . . . umm . . . thegirlsjustwokeup!" H Sam spat out.

"They did?" A broad (if rather silly-looking) grin spread on Sam's face as he hurried over to the heap of tuckered-out adolescents.

Perfect timing, thought Becky, formulating a plan. She quickly shut her eyes, then let one slowly flutter open. "Mmmmm . . . Sam-kun?"

He was sliding his arm around her. Bingo! "Becky-chan? Are you okay?"

"Ohhh, I had such a dream, Sam-kun. You were in it and Jill-chan and the Hokas and even that naughty little Speck . . ." She took the opportunity to squeeze in closer to Sam.

"Becky-chan, I don't think that was a dream." Mmm, the way he was rubbing her back felt really nice right now. Hopefully he wouldn't stop.

"Really?" Her green eyes flashed. "Oh, goody. We'll name her Kate, then. Or maybe Simon if it's male. Does that mean you'll be marrying me so she isn't illegitimate?"

Sam sweat-dropped. "Then again, maybe you were dreaming."

"Oh," she replied, feigning disapointment. "Darn. Except for Speck spying on the conception, it was a nice dream."

"Oooookaaaay . . ."

"By the way, whatever it is you're doing, don't ever stop." Sam flushed deep red and dropped his hands.

After watching the romantic little scene with bemusement, Jillian ventured a greeting. "Hiya Sam-the-Ace! We're here for spiffy snacks!"

"And to warn you about Aoshima, the evil little reporter!" H Jill chimed in. "He's not a good guy, that Aoshima!"

"And for some nookie with the other Sam!" Becky's Hoka counterpart added, looking towards that same theodoro-ursine. Naturally, he blushed.

"speak for yourselves," muttered Speck-just-out-of-the-sack, "i'm here to get some medical care. owwiee, my aching head . . ."

Sam looked at his smiling sorta-girlfriend. She pondered her choices. "Err, all of those sound nice for me. Especially the nookie and the spiffy snacks."

"We'll do that first one later," he whispered back. Then, louder, "So, what can we get you girls?"

Becky's answer rewarded them all with the sight of Sam undergoing a full-body blush.

Near the front gate of the SME backlot:

The space distorted and Mark stepped out. He inhaled deeply, a large smile on his face. "Ah, it's good to be back. I'm relaxed, rested, and ready for ANYTHING!"

Of course, the gods heard this and promptly decided to take up the challenge.

Mark caught movement out of the corner of his eye. He turned to look just as Toshiyuki Aoshima ran him over. All Mark saw was a guy dressed in a suit, wearing glasses, running for his life. Then the world went crazy for a few seconds and the guy was gone.

For several seconds, Mark laid there on his back and stared up at the clouds, wondering what was going on. He heard a battle-cry that sounded like an irritated Grizzly Bear combined with a Rebel Yell. Lifting his head slightly, Mark thought he saw Craig charging towards him. At least he thought it was Craig - the person was wearing the white sweatshirt with the seven Doctors on it, the khaki pants and black shoes. But the very large Battle-Ax he held over his head was something new....

The world went crazy for a few more seconds and Craig was gone. Mark found himself staring up at the clouds again, with some new bruises to add to the old ones.

"I see nothing's changed," he said to no one.

"Hello Mark." Setsuna was standing off to one side, a strange smile on her lips. "Was your vacation that exhausting?"

"Not exactly." Mark got up slowly, his eyes searching for anyone who wanted to run him over. "I thought I saw Craig chasing someone and I was in the way."

"You mean CraigA, right?"

"CraigB is already here?"

"Arrived an hour ago. He's having some labor problems that are taking up his time."

"What about CraigA?"

Setsuna's smile widened. "He's handling 'Pest Control'."

"With a Battle-Ax?"

"You saw the pest in question."

"Only in passing. Who is it, Alan's agent?"

"Worse. A reporter from the Anime Tattler. One Toshiyuki Aoshima."

"I should have stayed on vacation," Mark muttered. "Where's everyone else?"

"I don't know."

Just then, Toshiyuki Aoshima strode into view, if you call running full out a 'strode'." He stopped near Mark and Setsuna and smiled at them.

"Ah, Mr Latus," he said in an oily voice. "Just the man I wanted to see."

Mark restrained the urge to pull a mallet from Hammerspace and use it on Aoshima, then and there. "What do you want with me?"

"I am Toshiyuki Aoshima, the star reporter of the Anime Tattler. I was hoping I could get some comments on several stories that I have heard involving the SME cast and crew."

Mark put his hands on his hips. "And what stories are these?"

"Well, the one that says Chrysolite is actually a cross-dressing male."

"Nope. She really is a she."

"How about the one that reports that Ferrite is actually hiding out here to avoid his six fiancees, including a Chinese Amazon and a Princess from the Royal House of Jurai?"

"Not true. Ferrite is still single and still looking."

"I suppose the story that Pluto is an uninhibited Nympho -- "

Setsuna used an overhand swing to nail Aoshima on the head with her staff. His eyes glassy, Aoshima slumped to the ground. Mark looked down at the unconscious reporter, then at Setsuna. She glared at Mark.

"Don't say a word," she hissed.

Mark opened his mouth, thought for a minute, then closed his mouth. Just then, CraigA came charging into view, Battle-ax still held high. Growling in frustration at not seeing his quarry, he stalked over to Mark and Setsuna.

"Have you seen that reporter?" he growled. "Name of Aoshima. Wearing a suit, glasses and a smirk?"

Mark pointed down at the body. CraigA looked down, frowned, then smiled. "Nice shot."

"So what are we going to do with him?" asked Mark.

"I suppose sticking a wig on him and tossing him into Fatora's bedroom is out?"

Mark grabbed the mallet from Hammerspace and hit Craig with it.

"Ouch!" Craig rubbed his head where Mark had hit him. "It wasn't a serious suggestion."

"We need something more then that!" shouted Mark as the mallet disappeared back into Hammerspace.

Craig pulled out a cell phone. "I've got an idea." He punched a series of numbers, then placed the phone to his ear. "Hello?. . . Sylia?. . . This is Craig. . . . Yes, that one. . . .Fine. And you and the rest of the team? . . .Good. Can you spare some time and energy? . . . .Yes, a job. . . .Thirty Million, all up front . . . . I'm on the SME lot at present. . . . . . . . . . I know! It's not my fault the only disk that had my current stories on it is over a thousand miles away from my new home! I've managed to rewrite most of what I had, so please bear with me!. . . .All right. . . . The job? I have a reporter here that needs to be shown the error of his ways . . . I know you don't assassinate people, but this one's different . . . . He works for the Anime Tattler. You remember the Tattler? That's the one that did the article on the Knight Sabers about a month ago. The one that claimed Nene is really a blonde, Priss lip-syncs her songs, Linna was the one who really wrote Bubblegum Pink: Raging Fires, and you're really Nuku-nuku? . . . .The name of the targe-- reporter? . . . Aoshima, Toshiyuki Aoshima.. . . . Calm down, Sylia. . . . .I didn't know he was the one who wrote the article. . . . Sylia, Shouting at me isn't helping any. You can tell all that to Aoshima when you and the team get here . . . That quickly? There's a floating island nearby you can use for a hunting ground. . . . I see. . . . See you in a little bit. . . . OK, good-bye." He put the cell phone away. "Can we get Toshiyuki Aoshima over to floating island number three?"

"The one we use to test paranormal's powers?" asked Mark

Craig nodded. "I figure you wouldn't want the Knight Sabers to hunt Aoshima through the lot."

"Where are you going to get thirty Million Yen from?"

Craig shrugged. "I made some investments in GENOM stock, plus I own two percent of MALCORP. Of course, the money I make is only good in MegaTokyo, but it keeps me solvent."

Setsuna grabbed Aoshima by the back of the jacket and dragged him to the edge of the SME lot, Mark and Craig following. Without a word, the Senshi from Pluto stuffed the still groggy Aoshima into a transporter, stepped back, and hit a switch. Like a scene straight out of Star Trek, the reporter was beamed several thousand kilometers away and onto one of the floating islands surrounding the main lot.

"I'll stay here," said Setsuna, her face like stone. "Just to make sure he doesn't crawl back before the Knight Sabers get him."

"I'd better go meet with Sylia and the girls," said Craig, looking at his watch. "Hopefully I'll get to them before my Hoka counterpart does. He's planning to pitch some really wild story ideas to the team, and I don't think they're ready for them or him." He walked away. After several steps, he turned and said, "Oh, by the way, Mark, Two more things."

"What?"

"Happy birthday and welcome back." With that, Craig went merrily on his way.

"See, Mark?" said Setsuna. "Everything's normal around here, or what passes for normal."

The seven were standing before a bank of lifts, waiting impatiently for one that would take them up the single floor to the cast reception area while in the distance the six DAs could still hear the shouts and exclamations of confusion caused by their author's somewhat unorthodox entrance although his panicked flight seemed to have been halted.

Joanna glanced towards her and smiled, a genuine warmth dancing for a moment in her emerald eyes before her face hardened once more.

"Oh, we'll definitely be discussing this little oversight on his part, I promise you." She said dangerously. Then her face softened again. "She didn't do any damage did she?"

"To this?" The DA touched her long tresses and smiled. "Not even one of us could bite through these, Oneechan. It's just the indignity! How is it that they're so fast?"

"I don't think they were; just lucky. And perhaps they're assimilating into our patterns." She answered.

"An unnerving prospect." Said Lenore.

Liana, Ligeia and Rhiannon were still too incensed to do anything but glare murderously about them while Camilla had lapsed into a contemplative silence.

"You have to remember also that this isn't a BGC alternate and even your priorities are changing." Joanna continued.

She would have said more but at that moment a lift a little to their right opened and they crowded quickly in.

"Do you know what we have to do?" Camilla inquired of Joanna as Lenore ignored the buttons and instead fiddled with a tiny device in her hand for a moment before the doors closed and they started upwards.

"Show-off." Murmured Rhiannon to her, the fury of a moment before melting into a smile at her elder sister's predictable antics.

Lenore shot her a triumphant grin and tucked the controller back into her jumpsuit. "Why use the buttons when you can manipulate its circuits directly?" She inquired innocently.

"You are really weird, you know that?" Her younger sister told her. "What on earth do you think this is; Tenchi Muyo?"

Immediately a maniacal gleam flashed in Lenore's blue eyes and in the next instant her features changed and shifted until adult Washu grinned at Rhiannon with a look that made her step warily away from her.

"Now just keep calm Lenore; the medication's on the way." She soothed.

Washu-Lenore grinned wildly and moved closer. "Want to be a guinea-pig for my latest experiment?" She cackled, Her hands moving within her jumpsuit to emerge holding several unpleasant-looking probes and crystals.

"Eep! Keep away from me you crazy lunatic!" Rhiannon shrieked, darting behind Ligeia and Liana who had begun to smile also and eyeing her older sister with apparent trepidation.

Lenore started towards her with a wild, crazed look in her eyes but at that moment the lift pinged softly, the doors sliding almost silently open and Lenore was herself once more, the illusion of Washu and the various nasty implements vanishing in an instant as her expression settled into its usual easy calm and Rhiannon became her usual watchful self. But the mood had lightened and it was in a far better frame of mind that the seven stepped from the lift and glanced quickly around them.

"According to Setsuna, all we have to do is sign in and get the keys to our staging area;" Joanna said in answer to Camilla's earlier question. "assuming of course they let that fool in after what he's just done. This way."

Grinning, the last of their anger dissipating quickly, the others hurried after her as she led the way across a foyer and through automatic doors which to Lenore's chagrin opened quite happily without the need for interference at their approach and would have closed just as happily behind them had she not decided that something had to be done about this inexcusable independence. The resulting shriek of suddenly racing motors followed by a crash and the sound of breaking glass had the others stepping quickly away from her and facing pointedly in other directions.

"If anyone asks, she escaped earlier today and we're just looking after her until the doctors get here." Said Rhiannon quietly to Ligeia.

The elder DA nodded and glanced sympathetically towards the desk where a suddenly harried receptionist seemed to be shrieking urgently into a phone.

"Nonono!!! I tell you she's here now! Yes, here in my reception area! Yes, nothing's blown up yet but with that crazy Washu-Otaku around...AAGGHHHH!!!"

In an instant, Lenore's face was scant inches from her own, her eyes maniacal and with a demon-head that would have done Tendo Soun proud.

"What was that!!!?" She demanded, her hands blurring as she began to extract a veritable plethora of needles and other wicked-looking medical instruments and set them in neat little rows before the suddenly petrified girl. "Can we say experiment material?" She cackled.

"Helpie!" The unfortunate girl whimpered into the phone. "She's got needles and tubes and these big sharp nasty things that are all bright and shiny and I want my mummy!"

"Now Lenore; I'm sure her parents would be most upset if anything were to happen to their daughter." Camilla chastised firmly, laying a gently- restraining hand on her arm and speaking in soothing tones.

"Can't I just replace a little bit?" Lenore pleaded, gazing hungrily at the quivering girl like a child at a new toy. "I could take out her cerebral cortex and build a neural-net that would be so much more efficient and I could-- "

"Our father who art in heaven;" Began the receptionist earnestly while wondering desperately whether God might be terribly upset that this was the first time she'd either called on or even thought seriously of him since she'd left Sunday-school at ten. "Hallowed be thy name."

"Um, excuse me; would you be the Exiles?"

At the unexpected interruption, Lenore and Camilla turned to see a tall green- haired girl hurrying towards the others, hand extended in greeting.

"Hi! I'm Titanite, but my friends just call me Ti. I've been sent to show you to your staging area...Um, what's the matter with Mariko?"

"And I swear Lord I had no idea he was her boyfriend and the chocolates were not meant for me;" The receptionist seemed to have remembered that one was supposed to kneel when praying and was on her knees beside her chair, gazing beseechingly at the ceiling as though expecting a revelation. "and I'll burn all those files I got for Aoshima and give the money to a charity for disabled children and--"

"Excuse me?" Ti had stepped to the desk and was looking down at Mariko with growing concern. Can I have the keys for CraigB's studio please? Um, hello? Is anyone in there?"

"And I'll return the doll I stole from Akiko that Sunday when we were four and give Natsume back her manga; oh and I'll explain to Natsuko-sensei about the-- "

Titanite shook her head in bewilderment and began to search the cluttered desk herself. "Ah. Here we are." She said a moment later, smiling as she retrieved eight sets of keys and passed one to each of them in turn. "As you're the primary cast you each get a set. I'm not sure about this last one though since CraigB should already have his. Maybe they're for Mark's staff since he's probably going to need access. To be honest, you'll probably never have to lock things away; the only problems we've had in the past are a few harmless practical jokes - nothing's ever been stolen by anyone here. Oh well."

She replaced the keys and stepped back, glancing one last time at the still- praying Mariko before turning away. "Strange;" She mused. "She never struck me as the religious type. But then my experiences with religion are pretty limited. Shall we go?"

At the others' nods she led them to the lifts once more.

"You said our author was already waiting?" Joanna inquired as the doors closed behind them. "We still have to discuss a few...contractual problems shall we say."

"Oh?" Titanite inquired.

"Oh yes;" Joanna continued, her tone freezing in an instant. "such as that idiot not telling us about certain Hoka duplicates he'd decided to conjure up."

"Um...I don't understand. Why are you blaming him for that?"

"Aren't they part of his imagination? Some absurd joke the humour of which I must confess is quite lost on me?" Liana demanded.

"The Hoka!" Titanite exclaimed. "No, of course not."

"But Setsuna told us Craig was responsible." Camilla protested.

"And so he was, but not the Craig who's your author."

"Are you trying to tell us" Said Joanna, very slowly and carefully. "that there is another Craig and that a certain time-senshi thought it might be amusing to include us in her little practical joke?" By the time she had finished her expression had shifted to pathological and Titanite felt a sudden unreasoning concern for Pluto's future well-being.

"Well, I'm not sure about that but--"

"There is no `Earth-Hoka'?" Liana's voice was terribly calm.

"No." Said Ti uneasily.

"Our author was not responsible for the particulars of getting us here and the little...detour on the way?" Rhiannon's voice sent a chill down Titanite's spine.

"No, Setsuna makes those arrangements." She confirmed.

"CraigB did not imagine Hoka very loosely based on our characters?" Ligeia's low tone made Mercury's Aqua Rhapsody seem like a summer breeze.

"Well I can't say but if there are Hoka here that look like you it won't be his fault; at least not because he thought them into existence. They're from a universe where all the stories are written so they'd already know about... Um, what are you doing?"

"DIE SETSUNA!!!"

She was nearly deafened by the collective shriek. In the next instant the door exploded in a spray of shattered glass and metal and Titanite had only a moment to think with relief that at least they had waited until the lift had stopped before she found herself alone, the fading screams of `Death to Pluto and the first Craig!' Fading swiftly to silence.

A moment later Hoka-Rhiannon squirmed her way out, followed almost immediately by the others.

"Quickly, take your places." Hoka-Joanna's small voice was low and urgent, already very different from the pleading tones of her earlier terror while her face was grim and set.

Swiftly the others gathered around her, settling on boxes and other nondescript bundles until at last all were still.

"My friends," She began without preamble. "we stand this day upon a knife-edge for the very future of Hoka-otaku, a knife-edge that should we fail in our mission, shall cast not only our people but the glorious Anime we reverence to the uttermost depths of ruin and eternal deprivation. My friends, nay, my sisters; we have found this day a cancer, a cancer that should it go unchecked shall see those highest and most perfect forever enslaved, bound as chattels and thralls to that most terrible of all masters, the corrupted author."

"Um, Joanna-chan, you can't say chattels and thralls in this context." Hoka- Lenore felt forced to point out. "It's tautological. You can say `Bound as chattels' or `Bound as thralls' but--"

"Shut up!" Hissed Hoka-Rhiannon urgently. "This is the best speech she's made so far and besides, this isn't `Yes Minister' and you couldn't be Bernard even if it was."

"Could too!" The fair-furred hoka responded looking very hurt. "Joanna-chan couldn't I be Bernard if this was `Yes Minister'?"

"Of course you couldn't - don't be ridiculous!" Hoka-Marina put in before Hoka- Joanna had a chance to say anything. "Besides, you're wrong. A thrall is a slave whereas a chattel is a movable possession. They're not the same thing."

"They are in this context." Hoka-Lenore insisted. "It's like saying bound as slaves and slaves and--"

"SHUT UP!!!!!!"

Hoka-Joanna's enraged ear-splitting scream had the others' hands flying to there ears while Hoka-Lenore who had stood up on her somewhat wobbly box to make her point lost her balance and shrieking in terror tumbled to smash face- first into the floor at her leader's feet.

For a moment she lay very still. Then with a broken wail she leapt to her feet and crying fled headlong to hide amongst the boxes. She had failed her chosen template. Lenore-sama would never have disgraced herself so.

For a long moment the others seemed at a loss as to what to do, Hoka-Lenore's quiet, heartbroken sobbing the only sound in the sudden terrible stillness. Then Hoka-Rhiannon moved to follow her. After all Rhiannon-sama was Lenore- sama's sister and so it must be up to her to reassure her that she was forgiven. It was some time before they emerged once more and by that time Hoka- Joanna had almost calmed down; at least she no longer wanted to strangle Hoka- Lenore for upsetting her rhythm.

"As I was saying." She continued when they had settled again at last, with a warning glare at each of the others that promised dire consequences should anyone interrupt her again. "Um, what was I saying?"

"Bound as chattels and thralls." Said Hoka-Camilla helpfully.

"Don't!" Hoka-Joanna hissed between gritted teeth as Hoka-Lenore seemed to twitch ever-so-insignificantly.

The fair-furred hoka froze and Joanna continued. "It is obvious at last what must be done, distasteful as it is to turn even for but a little space upon those most trusted with the sacred task of guardianship of the Anime with which our lives have become so intrinsically woven.

`Too many "ofs" and bad sentence construction.' Thought Hoka-Lenore but didn't dare say it aloud.

"It is equally obvious that we cannot consider destroying those sacred guardians or taking from them the task with which they have been entrusted."

The others shivered at the very idea of committing such heinous blasphemy. "It is also obvious - and if you say something Lenore about too many things being obvious I'll tell Lenore-sama your elder sister chose Shari as her template -" She smiled at their collective winces at their companion's birth-sister actually wanting to emulate a 33S. "that some dreadful influence is attempting to corrupt those guardians and through them the very Anime itself. Why else would our templates reject such devotion, such purpose and determination as we have shown to emulate them to the perfection only anime can demand."

The others murmured in agreement.

"Therefore" Their leader continued, drawing herself up to her full height and projecting a sudden intense presence that might even have impressed her idol had Joanna not have found the whole thing so comically absurd. "there can be but one solution. We must cleanse those sacred guardians of this cancer whatever it may be, no matter what the cost to ourselves and by our will sew within the hearts of those we reverence the care and understanding that they will surely show once this corruption has been cast out and their author and those others of his kind are freed of its malignance and cancerous hold. We shall make such a crusade as shall live within the hearts of Hoka kind until the uttermost end of the universe, and all shall remember and speak our names with awe that we should tread where others dared not, and walk the very depths of corruption, spending perhaps our very souls that others may find thereafter ever-lasting salvation. So, my sisters, shall we have victory and from it that peace such victory shall earn? It is ours to command."

`Too much half-plagiarism to catalogue.' Thought Hoka-Lenore a little spitefully, still not having quite forgiven her leader for her recent humiliation. Yet she felt herself scream: "HAI!!!" with the others and a moment later Hoka-Joanna's voice rose in a final shout. "Then to victory! To victory or to death!"

And with that the seven charged screaming for the door, boxes and other flotsam exploding in every direction as they burst from the storeroom to begin their righteous crusade; and to get something to eat first. There was that little place nearby and that ice cream was just so delicious. Besides, there were always authors there. Still screaming their battle-cry they tore down the passage, rounded the first corner and were gone.

The barely recognizable form of a man groaned and then muttered, "Isn't it true that you can never keep a boyfriend because ..."

"YAHHHHH!" With a fierce yell Linna kicked Aoshima into a nearby brick wall.

"I'll take that as a no comment," the reporter stated clearly before peeling off the wall and lapsing back into unconsciousness.

"The guy's indestructable." griped Priss who had run out of rail gun spikes ten minutes ago. "Why is it that hentai and other annoying characters are always nigh invulnerable?"

"Some constants of the anime universe just cannot be changed," observed Sylia sadly. "Our job here is done. It is time to ..."

"Knight Sabers! I have a proposition for you!" boomed a mysterious voice..

The knight sabers reflexively assumed defensive positions and scanned the surrounding buildings.

"Alright, who's the wise guy?" growled Priss. "Show yourself!"

Out of a darkened doorway stepped a short, furry figure. It was holding a bull- horn and seemed to be having something of a bad hair day.

"You aren't a Care Bear are you?" Linna asked suspiciously.

"No, I'm Ron Inn."

"You look more like a Hoka to me," observed Nene brightly. "Don't know anyone by the name of Ron Inn, though."

"He's an author. For now, at least."

"You said you had a proposal. Get to the point." prompted Sylia. "Although I find it hard to believe you'd have anything to offer us."

"How's Mark's progress on Hurricane Season coming along?" Hoka Ron asked with a disarmingly charming smile. "Have you had any _real_ work lately?"

"I'm thinking of entering the fur business myself," Priss countered in a menacing tone.

"What would you say if I told you that WE have a script ready for you?" The diminuative Hoka sauntered closer to the Sabers. "One saber will become deliriously rich," he nodded to Linna. "Another will find love," he cast a sly glance toward Nene. "And yet another closure to a violent and tormented life," he said while looking into the White Saber's faceplate. "And of course, for our dear Priss, a five-year recording contract."

"What's the catch?" asked Sylia flatly.

"No catch," said Hoka Ron looking up at her with his big innocent eyes. "It's just that if you ever want to shoot the script, those human authors have to go ..."

"You're talking mutiny," gasped Nene.

"It's just a change in management." Hoka Ron spread out his empty hands. "Every company needs to do a little housecleaning once in a while. You stay with the status quo too long and things get inefficient and stagnant. What's a little change going to hurt?"

"Having trouble with your make-up I see?"

Demand spun around to see a Hoka standing behind him. The Hoka appeared to be having an especially bad hair day.

"What's it to you!!!" Demand demanded of the intruder.

"Oh, nothing .. nothing at all. I was just thinking ... there might be a solution to your problem."

"A solution? A solution? How can there be any solution while SHE commands the dreaded, short pink-haired one?"

"Chibi-Usa? Oh, Chibi-Usa just adores Hokas. Let us handle her. You know, we're working on a slight change of management here and if we're successful, all the human authors will be ... on a permenant vacation from the lot."

"ALL the authors?" Hope dawned on Demand's scowling visage. "Even SHE will be gone?"

"Yes, Jillian will be gone as well."

At any sound of Jillian's name, a panicked expression crossed Demand's face as he glanced around nervously. When the author in question failed to appear, he relaxed and whispered, "Count me and the Nemesian Hordes at your disposal."

CraigB shifted groggily, for a moment without any clear idea of where he was or why it was so hard to move. "Someone's going to die a slow and horrible death and it's probably gonna be me."

Then something crashed to the floor and the weight pinning his lower body eased to the point where he was able to twist on to his back and drag himself into a sitting position against what had once been a solid brick wall.

"Setsuna, this is all your fault!" He felt it only right to mutter as he struggled to his feet and surveyed the damage.

The room was a disaster, a desk, PC and overturned filing cabinet joining various folders, papers, shattered bricks and other unidentifiable flotsam in a ruinous cascade across the carpet while faintly he could still hear the shouts and calls as somewhere someone was still it seemed trying to work out what on earth had happened.

"Oh hell; someone is not going to be happy." He commented to himself as he began to search through the debris in a vain hope that he could find out whose office he had wrecked and avoid them for the next few hundred years.

"That's probably something of an under-statement."

At the sudden quiet, half-amused voice, CraigB whirled towards the hole he had made in the wall and froze, studying the newcomer uncertainly.

She looked about fifteen, certainly no more than sixteen, if it wasn't for the look in her eye that made him think of a certain magician from Peter S. Beagle. If it also wasn't for the fact that her bespectacled eyes were a silvery gray that matched her braided hair, he would have pegged her for an albino. She wore stark black, in a way that shouted "call me a witch."

Hmm...I...um..." He began after a moment with growing trepidation, then paused. Her wary but curious expression did not look particularly homicidal so perhaps this wasn't her office after all. "I assume you don't work here?" He ventured at last when it seemed obvious she wasn't going to try to kill him.

Rhiannon McIntyre studied the dishevelled figure before her with wary curiosity. In his early thirties, tall and of slim build with short, receding greying dark hair and blue-grey eyes, his somewhat cool cast of countenance didn't exactly inspire immediate trust, not to mention the fact that he had two black eyes, was dust-covered and looked decidedly guilty despite his attempt to hide it beneath what she was beginning to suspect was a naturally somewhat unreadable expression.

Increasingly uneasy, she frowned at the newcomer. "You aren't one of those reporters again? If you are: yes, I do sleep with my grandson and no, it isn't any of your damn business."

CraigB's face went slightly green for a second and he stepped warily back from her.

"Um...right, fine, if you say so." He said, having absolutely no idea how he should respond to this particular unwanted piece of information and not really eager to discuss it further. "No, actually, I'm that new author, CraigB." He continued at last in an effort to put the conversation back on safer ground.

"Oh, the Earth Beta chap. Why do you want to talk to me? I have no interaction at all with that time-space continuity outside the reaches of my normal duties, that being smoothing out any glitches in the space frame. The universe's version of my sister, of course, will handle the bugs in the time frame."

". . . ." Said CraigB intelligently, looking at her in complete bewilderment.

"Young man, why do you have your mouth hanging out like that? If you don't shut it, your mouth will become a resting place for flies."

CraigB opened and closed his mouth several times, then abruptly his face hardened.

"You know, I think I'm beginning to see a pattern here." He said at last, pronouncing each word very slowly and carefully. "First Setsuna's cryptic warning about possible cast problems, then my travelling the scenic route to get here, then... Who told you I wanted to talk to you?" He ended, now through gritted teeth.

"Why, Setsuna of course." She answered simply. "She said that you'd asked her-- "

"I thought that might be a possibility." He interrupted, his tone now terribly calm and reasonable behind a smile that seemed suddenly to promise much suffering for the time-senshi when she appeared in his story.

"Then I've wasted my time?"

She made as though to turn away.

"Hang on a minute." He said quickly. "Now that you're here, there was something. It's not so much a Beta problem but one of identity."

"Don't worry, no one will confuse you for me."

"Um, actually it's someone else I'm afraid will be confused with you. You see, I have my own character named Rhiannon."

"It is a worthy name. I also call my daughter that, although her father has given her the nickname of Artoo, due to his obsessions."

"Well, anyway, we need some way to tell you two apart when you're spoken of and it was proposed that you would be referred to as Rhi whenever you would be in the same time-space continuum."

Rhi frowned. "In other words, in the backstage."

"M'hmm. Exactly."

"Tell me, CraigB, why I am the one who gets short shrift? I have seniority over your Rhiannon."

"Hmm...well, to cut a long story short, she hasn't a family name so we can't use that and she really hates her name being shortened and I'm not about to argue with her. Even after dimensional assimilation she can be a little...frightening shall we say when something really upsets her and I'd really rather not be fried to a crisp if she gets the idea that I agreed to let people call her Rhi. Besides, I assumed you wouldn't mind too much since people already call you that and if we started calling her Rhi people would just get really hopelessly confused."

Rhi didn't look in the least mollified.

"I believe I shall visit this other Rhiannon of yours. I would ever so like to meet this woman who is denying me the fullness of my name. Tell me, is she very resistant to the blade of a sword?"

To Rhi's astonishment, CraigB glanced in sudden frantic unease about him as though expecting some unseen attacker to leap out at him at any moment.

"Um...I really wouldn't recommend trying that." He said at last. "She's...well, she's not exactly human."

"Oh? Youma then?" Rhi inquired untroubled. "There were rumours that you planned to include some of your own Youma but I understood you abandoned them?"

"Um, well not exactly."

Rhi's frown deepened. "Nemesian Droid?" She tried again, seemingly with a little distaste this time.

"Not quite." Said CraigB uneasily. "You remember Ti's visit to MegaTokyo?"

For a moment Rhi seemed bewildered, then her frown grew colder. "A boomer! A boomer says I can't use my full name!"

"Well she's not...I mean... Hey! Where are you going?" CraigB stared in stunned disbelief as Rhi whirled away from him. "Look, I really wouldn't do this." He tried again to the empty space where she had been only a moment before. "She's a really dangerous sentient combat machine and from a BGC alternate a lot nastier than that one and she's gonna be really upset and her sisters and Joanna are gonna get really protective if you start waving a sword around and lots of things are gonna get very broken and I'll have to pay for them all and it'sgonnacostanabsolutefortuneand... Oy are you listening to me!" He ended in a scream to the empty air. "Oh hell! I haven't even met Becky yet and she's gonna be particularly unhappy if something nasty happens." He grimaced. "Damn! They might even have got along too."

"Hell hath no fury like my mother ticked off," said a voice behind his ear. "I believe that may be where I get it."

CraigB whipped desperately around. "Don't do that!" He bellowed, eyes wild. "I really hate people sneaking up on me."

The carrot-haired girl simply grinned while CraigB waited for his heart to stop pounding while he studied her with curiosity. "You know, you look familiar." He managed at last in a much calmer tone.

"I should." She answered with a smirk. "Mara's the name, extortion's the game. That and youma'shak poetry. Of course, I call myself J'mara for that." She glanced at Craig's puzzled face. "Never mind. I wish someone who wasn't a veteran author or a youma would get the joke, though. Nice renovations by the way." She added, seemingly as an afterthought. "Are you going to do this to your area as well?" Her smirk grew wider.

"Joke?" CraigB inquired, pointedly ignoring both the look and her last comment.

"Ask Margrave. She used to smoke it."

"Ah; `Thy Kingdom Come' reference. I see now. Is it really that bad?" He ended tactlessly.

Mara's look was far from friendly. "You're new here aren't you." She gritted out. Then more calmly: "Speaking of narcotics, I'm suprised no one has arrested my elder sister for her garden. All she needs is a big sign saying 'Pot Grown Here.' Ah, I've confused you again. How about I give you a 500 yen discount on your next set of French postcards to make up for it."

"But I haven't bought French postcards!"

"You will. They all do. Speaking of which, I've got to be going. If the Knight Sabres are coming, like I heard they were, snapping pictures of them getting into their hard suits will fetch me a pretty penny. Ja!"

"Aren't you worried about your mother?" CraigB said uneasily. "Look, Rhiannon's a lot less driven since full assimilation but she's really protective of her friends and if Rhi really does get mad..."

"I've seen her at worse. There was that one time before we bought a cow that the man at the market sold her a quart of milk. The measure was short. She broke into his store, wrote "MAKADONERU RONARUDO IS A CHEAT" in indelible, foot high letters on every wall of the place. Needless to say, Mother never shopped at his store again. According to Dad, she hasn't killed anything besides chickens and constructs for almost a millenia."

CraigB tried to refrain from gulping. "What did the last person she killed do?"

"Do you want the list? Aid and abet Queen Beryl, try to kill his mother-in-law (who happened to be a friend of hers), never clean his room, try later to hit on her, and never send her a Mother's Day card."

"Did anyone tell you that you have a really screwed up family life?"

"Hey, he was only a half-brother. And my paternal grandfather. It's not like I ever knew him." Mara glanced at her watch. "I better be going. Call me when you decide which photos you want."

CraigB sighed as he watched Mara's disappearing form and rubbed his head. He could feel a headache coming on and he definitely didn't want to be in the middle of this particular result of his somewhat unorthodox entrance when whomever worked here got back.

With a sigh he stepped quickly to the door and out into the passage. Better not to go out the way he came in. Besides, he had to get to reception and get his keys and his studio.

Behind him, papers fluttered forlornly for a moment in the barest of breezes, then the office was quiet once more.

Well, OK, so Speck and Becky had something to do with it, not to mention Craig the First calling in the Knight Sabers in the first place; but still and all, Jill needed a Latin dictionary, RIGHT THEN, and Aponar wouldn't give her one, possibly because he was cranky from his exams, but more likely because he was just plain mean.

Of course, it was logical to see how from there she'd gone from door to door of all the closest studios, asking nicely to borrow their copy of the OLD, but for some reason everyone seemed to be either busy or gone. And then of course she'd had the bright idea of asking Saffir where she could go, and he'd excused himself, gone to consult with his oniisan (still sequestered in his dressing room, for some strange reason), and then come back and drawn a very detailed map for her.

She just wished that he hadn't been giggling so much when he'd handed it to her.

"i think we should give up and go home," said Speck, eyeing their surroundings with considerable jaundice. "i don't even know where we are. this could be where that guy chestnut hangs out, for all we know. plus i'm hungry."

"Shoosh," Jill said, turning her map of the backlot upside down. She tended not to venture out of her studio all that much, or at least not more than twenty feet away from it. "I think we're near the Boneyard of Unused Sets and Props."

"uh, uh, uh," Speck stuttered, tugging at her jacket. "there's something bad over here..."

"I said shush, Specklet! I'm trying to figure out where we turned wrong!" A pause, then: "Define 'bad' in this context."

"four roboty-looking things. headed this way. if it helps, i think they look like one of your cousin jaime's anime thingies."

"Uh-oh," said Jill. She shoved the map back into her pocket, picked up Speck and stuffed him into her backpack (him complaining bitterly, of course), and legged it out of there as if Rubius with a red-hot poker were on her tail.

"hey!" said Speck, poking his head out of the backpack. "something furry just ran down that alley!"

"Really? A Hoka? Great! Those things are cute!" Jill said in relief. "They probably know this backlot like the back of their .. paws." She considered this. "Unless of course that was Hoka Ryouga or Hoka Me."

"nope. it looked distinctly blue to me, which means it's either hoka saffir, hoka sard, or hoka someone else blue. blue people are helpful."

Just then, three queens passed by, pausing only to ask which way was the sixth dimension past Hell and where Craig the Second might be at the current moment. Jill, rather flattered that such exalted persons as Beryl-sama, Nehelenia- sama, and Galaxia-sama would be asking directions of her, wrote down some detailed directions that said "Hell. You shouldn't go there, but all the same turn right at Aponar's Warped Signpost, then head down the Street of Good Intentions. You can't miss it, on account of the three-headed dog lolling around in front of the door. And then of course the sixth dimension past it on the left will be six dimensions past it on the left."

"and we don't know where craig the second is," Speck added (looking askance at Beryl), "but do you know where ... um... the regular backlot is?"

At which point Galaxia pointed left, Nehelenia pointed right, and Beryl pointed straight up.

Jill and Speck decided to head down the alley.

The three queens from the sixth dimension past Hell shrugged philosophically. When you're an evil queen who likes bossing around perfectly innocent people, you get used to people running away from you.

They continued on their way, or at least they would have if their way hadn't been blocked by a pair of furry teddy-bear-looking things, neither of whom looked ezackly up to par in the fur-maintenance department.

"Hiiiii, evil queens!" announced the red-furred Hoka wearing a purple cape with the motto "SUPER JILL" emblazoned across the back.

"Yeah, hi," said the other Hoka, not bothering to look up from his clipboard. "Want a few scripts?"

"I have so many fanfiction stories devoted to me that I could choke on them," Beryl said coldly.

Nehelenia and Galaxia exchanged glances. "I don't," said the Golden Queen.

"Me neither," said the queen of the New Moon.

"Swell!" Hoka Jillian announced. "If Your Majesties will help us out, then I get Demand-sama all to myself, that is if I can get Saffir out of the way, and I'd start shooting Sailor Galaxia's story right away!" She poked her compatriot. "And I guess Hoka Frank will do some Mistress Nine stuff, so if you see her, let her know. And someone is bound to do Nehelenia."

The three queens didn't spare so much as a second.

"Fine by me."

"Sure."

"Welll...."

"Come on, Beryl."

"Fine. I don't have anything else to do today..."

"Oh, super!" said Hoka Jill.

"See, the plan is this...."

Tendo Kasumi patted her friend gently on the arm, smiling reassuringly as Mariko set down the tea-cup and settled back with a long sigh. Her hands were still shaking and she kept glancing nervously towards the now glassless doors, this state just as well for anyone wanting to come in since they were jammed hopelessly shut, both motors melted into an unidentifiable slag while little plumes of smoke were still drifting lazily from the mess and four maintenance men cursed in increasingly inventive fashion as they tried in vain to dismantle the wreck and understand just how the hell one person could do so much damage without either electrocuting herself or setting off every circuit- breaker (not to mention magic-suppressant) in the place.

"It's soddin' impossible!" The one who appeared to be in charge of the group was shouting vociferously, gesticulating expansively with a rather large screwdriver he was clutching convulsively in his right hand seeming unaware that the man closest to him had only kept his eyes intact by moving away from him with some considerable speed. "Look at this mess! Gearbox! Shaft! The soddin' screws for Gawd's sake!"

He brought the same hand down with a crash on the twisted something that had once been some of the internal housing, seeming to forget just what he was hitting in his fury.

"Jaysus 'Oly Christ!!!" He howled, dropping the screwdriver and waving his hands.

The last two winced in sympathy but seemed disinclined to help him considering the fact that he still held a pair of long-nosed pliers in his left and was waving them about like a fencer. "Soddin' thing!"

He prepared to swing again, then seemed to realise just how much it was going to hurt and instead stood up, dropping the pliers and stepping to where his companion had managed finally to disentangle what was left mounted of the gearbox by drilling out the last of the screws and was fighting to get it free.

Together they wrenched out the mess and dumped the whole sorry thing on the floor. Then while the other checked a diagram, he turned, glancing to see how the others were faring before moving to lift the replacement motor.

He had almost got it in position when abruptly a voice piped: "Excuse me?" right in his ear and someone grabbed his elbow from behind.

With a startled: "Jaysus...!" he jerked his arms convulsively upwards, smacking both hands into the housing with a resounding bang that brought a yell of pain and made him let go of what he was holding. Released, the motor smacked him solidly below the belt before landing on his foot with a muffled thud.

"Shite-shite-shite-shite-shite!!!" He shouted, leaping to his feet and starting a jig that would have done any dancer proud. Then he stepped on the pliers, lost his footing and with another yell smashed face-first into a toolbox.

"Mihoshi!!!"

At the sudden furious shriek, the unfortunate foreman pulled himself dazedly to his feet and turned to stare down at the small, blonde-furred form who had grabbed him, with a look that was one-part disbelief and three-parts homicidal.

"You know," He began almost conversationally, placing both hands on her shoulders and beginning to tense. "there are three things you never do when someone's got both hands holdin' somethin' that's really likely to hurt someone if they let it go. You don't sneak up behind them, you don't shriek in their ear and you don't grab their soddin' elbow!!!"

By the time he had finished he was bellowing at the very top of his lungs and shaking the unfortunate Hoka violently back and forth like a rag-doll.

"Ki-yo-neee!!!" Hoka-Mihoshi wailed in terror, trying frantically to pull herself from the man's incensed grasp and back-peddle at the same time. "He's shaking me and I feel really dizzy and I'm gonna be really sick if he doesn't stop! Help!!!"

Flailing wildly, her left foot caught the pliers, sending them into the man's ankle and eliciting yet another yell of pain as he jumped, lost his balance for the second time in the last half-minute and went down hard with Hoka- Mihoshi on top of him.

For a long moment neither moved.

"has anyone ever told you you're a crazy, bloody prat?" He inquired at last in the same almost conversational tone, seeming to think it better simply to lie still until fate took this lunatic somewhere else.

For a moment the Hoka was still. Then her face screwed up and a moment later an ear-splitting "WAAAAAAAAH!!!" filled the room.

"Jaysus!" He exploded just before the crying girl was heaved bodily away from him by the fur.

"How many times have I told you in the last ten minutes?" Her companion ranted, beginning to shake the unfortunate Hoka-Mihoshi in her turn.

Just how long she might have continued was anyone's guess but at that moment Kasumi stepped up beside her.

"Excuse me, can I help you?" She inquired pleasantly, smiling encouragingly down at Hoka-Mihoshi and beckoning the two to follow her.

With a quick apology to the still-prone foreman Hoka-Kiyone dragged a still- crying Hoka-Mihoshi after her until they reached Mariko's desk.

"We're looking for one Ron Inn." Hoka-Kiyone explained, pulling out a badge on which the letters HGP were prominent. "We understand he may be responsible for the possible kidnapping of Alexander Jones and several Hoka into the bargain, not to mention attempted defurring of said Hoka. We would also like to speak to these people." Quickly she drew out a list on which the names of several SME authors could be read. "These may be at the least implicated in the kidnappings although we cannot believe they could be involved in the heinous crime of defurring."

"Oh my!" Exclaimed Kasumi. "I really don't believe they're responsible for the other Hoka being here Makabi-san." She smiled reassuringly. "I understand some of them are in fact quite unhappy with the idea."

"Indeed!" Hoka-Kiyone exclaimed in shock and growing alarm. "Then you believe these apparently unhappy people may have been involved in his defurring crime after all? I really think we need to get to the bottom of this. Do you know where we might start?"

"Oh my!" Said Kasumi again as though suddenly realising just what she might have done. "Well I understand Malsin-san and Byar-san went for ice cream before returning--"

She got no further.

"Ice cream!" Hoka-Mihoshi squealed, the tears having vanished in the time it took for the words to get from her ears to her brain.

In the next instant she had run the foreman over yet again in her hurry and was disappearing almost before Hoka-Kiyone had begun to realise what was happening.

"Mihoshi!" She shrieked.

Then with a quick bow and thanks to Kasumi she raced after her companion, barely aware of the yelp as her foot caught the foreman a glancing bonk in the head as she passed and vanished in Hoka-Mihoshi's wake.

For a long moment the man lay still. Then without a word he stood, turned and made quickly for the stairs. He would come back tomorrow when whichever god had it in for him had got bored and decided to pick on someone else.

Sighing, he ascended the final flight and stepped out into the foyer, pausing to watch two of the four lifts in bemusement for a moment before a sudden shout from the room beyond made him turn.

He noticed in passing to his further confusion that both doors were glassless and appeared to be jammed closed. Then his attention was caught by the figure moving towards him with unnerving speed, her expression far from friendly.

The girl seemed at first glance to be of an age similar to Rhi but CraigB had a feeling that this time looks mirrored reality. She was quite chubby, her green eyes nearsighted due to the wire-lenses encasing them, and her entire demeanor was that of the tomboy. She didn't look happy.

"Okay, Mr. New Craig, what could be so important that you'd have Setsuna bug me while I was just getting to the good part with Sam-kun?" The girl snarled, tossing her dead-leaf-brown hair.

`Yep, definitely one of those days.' He thought with a kind of fatalistic resignation as she halted and glared at him, her face more fiery by the second.

"And you would be Becky, I presume?" He said simply.

"Damn straight I am and that's Ms. Malsin to you! You should be glad those little pills haven't taken effect yet or I'd be really pissed off."

For the second time that day CraigB found himself gaping at the turn the conversation had taken. After a few more moments spent under her glare he asked, resignedly, "So, what did she tell you?"

Becky continued to glare at him. "That you had something important to tell me. Jesus effing Christ, that green-haired girl's a voyeur," she added, grumpily.

CraigB shifted uncomfortably. "Um...I really don't think I want to know." He said at last. "But as for my wanting to talk to you, I'm assuming that's just another part of some crazy plan Setsuna seems to have come up with to make my first day...interesting. First she gives me a teleport crystal that takes me all over eleventy-never dimensions to get here, then she decides it might be funny if seven of the most dangerous people I'm ever likely to employ can be convinced killing their author might be a particularly fun way to start their SME careers and last she tops it off it seems by telling everyone and their fifth cousin six times removed that I need to see them ten minutes to yesterday! I've no doubt that the Beryl, Neherenia and Galaxia from six dimensions passed hell on the left will be along before lunch-time, assuming of course I'm still alive by then. Oh and while we're making a list, let's not forget the SME-specific ones. Kurizuchi's probably scheduled for about two o'clock this afternoon and I suppose I'd better make time for Hermes and the Overlord at three - she's probably scheduled those two together just in case I'm still in one piece by then."

Now it was Becky's turn to gape, seemingly impressed despite herself at just how long he had managed to keep going without pausing to take a breath.

"So let me understand this, just so I'm sure when I kill her." She said at last. "She's dragged me up here for nothing!"

CraigB opened his mouth to answer, then remembered something. "Actually, there is something! She told Rhi I wanted to talk to her about avoiding confusion between her and my Rhiannon. To be honest she didn't take the idea of always calling her Rhi if they're in the same continuum (which boils down to whenever they're here) too well. Look, I don't want to get worried about nothing but if she's really serious about fighting about it..." He shivered. "Look, Rhiannon can get pretty...wild in a fight and I don't know about you but I'd rather not have to pay for most of the studios to get rebuilt if they get carried away. Maybe you could have a talk to Rhi and--"

"Excuse me?" Came a sudden cool voice from the direction of the stairs. "Would your name be CraigB by any chance?"

Both had been so intent on the conversation that neither had noticed the figure until she spoke.

With a feeling of impending dread at the half-familiar voice, CraigB turned; and froze in disbelief. Beryl stood by the head of the stairs, a smile that might almost have been pleasant playing about her mouth had it not been for the look in her eyes. Even as she stepped forwards CraigB caught sight of the two figures behind her and gaped.

"Six dimensions passed hell on the left?" He inquired with dreadful calm. "You're early; it's not lunch-time yet."

In the next instant Becky found herself staring dumbfounded at the place in which he had been only a second before while Beryl, Neherenia and Galaxia stared after his vanishing form in some confusion.

"Was it something I said?" Beryl ventured at last, for once seeming utterly at a loss.

Becky just shook her head.

It was very probable that other parts of his body were trying to move, too, although it was really rather difficult to tell, given that his hand was the only portion of his body to protrude from the rather overly large pile of books under which he was buried. Standing near this pile of books was a very odd Hoka of nondescript brown fur and a startlingly blue outfit which was laughing maniacally (also common on the Backlot). It would have been quite clear to a hypothetical observer, such as yourself, that this Hoka was Quite Mad. From various objects in the room -- the pulley on the ceiling, the dangling rope net above the mountain of books, the ropes attached to said net in the paws of the aforementioned Hoka -- the conditions under which Aponar had come to be in his present position were also painfully obvious.

To Aponar himself, the emphasis was on `painfully'.

A large walkie-talkie -- large to a Hoka, at least -- clipped to the belt of the Hoka in question flared with static and squealed briefly with audio feedback before beginning to emit a voice. "--nar? This is Mark, do you read?"

H. Aponar -- for this was indeed the buried Aponar's Hoka counterpart -- unclipped the walkie-talkie and spoke into it, still laughing somewhat: "Aponar here. I got him. Over." He then frowned and repeated the message, this time remembering to hold down the `transmit' button.

H. Mark's voice again issued from the speaker: "Good work. One down, a dozen or so left. Return to base. Over and out."

As H. Aponar left the room, Aponar ceased twitching. He noted three things: one, that everyone seems to speak partially in military jargon over a walkie- talkie; two, that the the Hoka's insanity was clearly brought on by its attempt to imitate him (though whether or not the Hoka had succeeded in this attempt was an open question); and three, that the only book he had that was large enough and heavy enough to cause quite so much pain in his kidneys was the full-size Homeric-Greek-to-English dictionary. This was a good thing, he reflected calmly, as it meant that it wasn't anywhere near his vocal cords, and thus would not suddenly prevent his frantic, mindless screams for help -- though muffled somewhat by the books -- from being shouted at the top of his lungs.

Unfortunately, no one was around to hear (except the departing Hoka, who (if only in this respect) did not resemble a Care Bear in the slightest, as he didn't care a jot).

"So let me be certain I understand you correctly." Hoka-Joanna continued, her almost conversational purr seeming unnervingly calm and reasonable considering the pathological look in her flashing emerald eyes and the fact that little blue sparks had begun to dance at her finger-tips that would have made her deliriously happy had she happened to notice them. "You're telling us that despite the fact that regardless of when we arrived on any other day there would have been at least one author in this establishment, on this particular day not one of those same authors is to be found. Is that a reasonable summation? And furthermore, you have no chocolate ICE-CREAM?!!! And I'm NOT A TEDDY-BEAR!!! NOT!!!"

By the time she had finished she was screaming at the top of her lungs while her companions moved to encircle the apparently untroubled Rubenstein with looks that ranged merely from murderous to pathologically genocidal.

"I'm sorry, Teddy-bear-san" He apologised without so much as a flinch as Hoka- Joanna's blade came within a fraction of an inch of making him a leg shorter and the little ki-sparks began to crackle and hiss. "but Chibi-Usa is particularly fond of chocolate and since she's a canonical character--"

"You know, I never particularly liked Chibi-Usa." Hoka-Joanna interrupted with a return of her unnerving calm. "Tell me, is there any particular place she likes to sit when she's here; some place that she considers unquestionably her own?"

"Certainly. She always takes the little table in the far corner facing the door." Rubenstein's easy smile softened indulgently. "She likes to see what's happening on the lot, not to mention keep an eye out in case her mother catches her when she shouldn't be here."

"I see." Hoka-Joanna continued simply, turning to regard the indicated place with intense interest. For a moment she remained unmoving, then she smiled. "Yes, just about my range." She purred.

In the next instant the table erupted in a crash of splinters as Hoka-Joanna spun the sword and sent it hurtling through the air with all the force she had.

"We'll have four strawberries, two vanillas and a Neapolitan." She smiled as she caught it on its return, sheathed it and moved with the others to a table by the door.

"Certainly." Rubenstein answered without missing a beat. "Shall I put the repairs on your bill or will the studios pay?"

"I believe my namesake will be more than happy to pick up the tab."

At the new voice, Hoka-Joanna whirled towards the door, then relaxed as another furred form stepped quickly into the cafe and moved to stand almost but not quite at her side. "May I sit?" The new hoka inquired, bowing and smiling in an obvious attempt to charm while trying unobtrusively to pat down his ruffled fur.

Hoka-Joanna's eyes hardened at the look and her tone was chill as she answered. "That depends very much on why you're here." She said coolly, rising once more and shifting to come face to face with the stranger. "Joanna-sama and the other Exiles are particularly averse to being manipulated and so I find myself already just a little curious, not to mention suspicious. Just who are you?"

"My, we have assimilated quickly haven't we?" The strange hoka rejoined with more than a little sarcasm. Then in a more conciliatory tone: "My name is Ron Inn...or rather one of two, the other is an author for the moment...and I couldn't help but overhear your little conversation in the storeroom."

In an instant Hoka-Joanna's sword was tickling his throat while Hoka-Rhiannon leapt to her feet with an exclamation of furious outrage, overturning her chair and manifesting two throwing-stars almost before she realised she had done so.

"You were spying on us?" Hoka-Joanna purred. "I don't particularly like being spied on and I'm sure we can think of several particularly inventive ways to-- "

"Not spying, observing." Hoka-Ron corrected, seeming untroubled by the sword although he stepped back a pace. "I'm looking to change a situation that in my opinion has been intolerable for some considerable time. The unforgivable treatment you received at the hands of those who would have welcomed you u