[A week later in the SME back-lot]

Mark leaned against the side of the building, catching his breath. He'd managed to loose Sakuya by the desperate tactic of running through the Youma food Larder. The Younger Jupiter had gotten ensnared in a couple of the semi-intelligent fungus plants that had been too sluggish to catch him. They wouldn't delay her for long, but long enough for Mark to make himself scarce.

Just then, Mark heard the sound of running footsteps from around the corner. *Now what?* he thought. Deciding that discretion was the better part of valor, he stepped back into a convenient set of shadows.

As he did so, Alan came flying around the corner, dashed past Mark's hiding place, and ran around the other corner of the building. Several Heartbeats later, Elder Mars and One of the Younger Jupiters charged into view. They both still looked angry, so Mark stayed in the shadows. The pair ran past Mark and disappeared around the corner.

Mark waited until the count of ten before he stepped out of the shadows. "This has gone on long enough," he muttered. He turned and strode purposely in the direction the chase had taken, ready to wield his considerable influence to halt this madness.

"In the name of the Moon, I'll punish you!" said a loud voice from around the corner. Mark stopped, puzzled. That wasn't Usagi's voice-She was still in the lunchroom. It wasn't Chibi-usa-He'd seen her running off in the opposite direction with a look of insane glee on her face less then five minutes ago.

He heard two sets of screams-Rei's and Sakuya-then the sound of two sets of footfalls rapidly approaching the corner of the building. Sensing something was wrong, Mark stepped back.

Rei and Sakuya came flying back around the corner and flew past Mark, a look of panic on their faces. They ignored him and ran off towards the lunchroom.

"After those Youma!" cried the same voice Mark had heard before, but closer this time. He turned to look, and his jaw dropped.

There were ten figures standing there, dressed as the original Sailor Senshi and Tuxedo Mask. Two things were immediately apparent to Mark's stunned brain. The first was none of the figures was more then a meter tall. The second, and more important item, was each of the figures looked like a teddy bear with small furry hands.

They spotted him and immediately went into defensive poses, just like the Senshi would. The one dressed a Sailor Moon, wearing an ill-fitting blonde wig, stepped forward and asked Mark. "Excuse me, is this the Dark Kingdom?"

At that moment, Mark's brain clicked back into place and he recognized the race of teddy bears. Hoka. A race created by Poul Anderson and Gordon Dickinson, two of the best known science fiction writers of today. Mark remembered that Hoka being described as bright and eager, but had a hard time telling reality from fiction. It was then he recalled Craig mumbling something about Hokas in fukus as he had walked back to the soundstage. Somehow, a small number of Hoka had slipped into the SME dimension, which meant trouble with a capital T.

While this important set of facts was running through his mind, the Hoka dressed as Sailor Moon said, "Mercury, Something's wrong. Scan him."

A black furred Hoka wearing a Mars Fuku shouted, "He's a Youma! Let me flame him!"

Moon turned around and bonked Mars over the head with what looked like a Moon Scepter. "Shut up until Mercury scans him!"

Mars rubbed her head and looked angry. "Come on, Moon," she moaned. "Let me flame him! Please?"

"Not until Mercury scans him!" Moon then stuck out her tongue at Mars, who returned the favor. While the tongue contest was going blast, a Hoka with blue tinged fur stepped forward and put on a pair of sunglasses that looked a lot like Mercury's visor. She then pulled out a small computer and stared at the screen for several seconds.

"Excuse me," said Mark, regaining his ability to speak.

Mercury held up a paw and continued to stare at the compact screen. With an exhale of breath, she put away the computer and removed the sunglasses. "He's not a Youma," she announced gravely.

"How do you know he's not a Youma?" yelled Mars.

"Yea," said a tall Hoka wearing a Sailor Jupiter fuku. "I say we pound him!"

"Burn him!"

"Pound him!"

"Do we have to?" asked Venus. "He looks kind of cute."

All of the Hoka turned and glared at her. Before Venus could defend herself, Sakuya strode around the corner of the building. She was in towering rage territory now, with bits of fungus still on her hair and fuku. Her eyes locked onto Mark, and the look wasn't friendly. Mark was desperate.

He pointed at the Younger Jupiter. "Youma!" he shouted. "Sailor Moon, save me from the Youma!"

Ten sets of eyes suddenly bore in on Sakuya, and it was then that she realized that something was wrong. Deep inside, an old nightmare about being stalked by her stuffed animals surfaced. The look of anger was replaced by fear and surprise.

The Hoka Senshi took several steps towards Sakuya. The Younger Jupiter took several steps back. The Hoka continued to advance, while Sakuya continued to retreat. Suddenly, the Hoka dressed as Sailor Moon shouted, "In the name of the Moon, I'll punish you!"

At this, Sakuya gave up any thought of standing her ground and fled. With a cry of victory, the Hoka charged after her. Mark watched them disappear around the corner. He slumped against the building and closed his eyes in relief. Now all he had to do was figure out a way to round up the Hoka and get them out of here....

"Excuse me," said a voice. "Are you all right?"

Mark opened his eyes. A single Hoka Senshi stood there, looking up at him in interest. From the fuku she was wearing, and the staff, Mark guessed she was the Hoka version of Sailor Pluto. Her fur was dark, with green highlights, and her eyes didn't hold the same fanatical gleam that the other Hoka Senshi had.

"Er...yes, I'm fine."

The Hoka nodded sagely. "And this isn't the Dark Kingdom?"

"No."

Pluto nodded again. "It seems Mercury made a mistake."

"She did."

"That wasn't a Youma the others was chasing, was it?"

Mark felt uncomfortable under the Hoka's stare. "No, it isn't."

"As long as she can outrun them, she will be fine." Pluto looked around. "This looks like a movie lot."

"It is." Mark made a decision. "I need to see someone about this situation with you and your team members. Care to come along?"

"I would be honored. What is your name?"

"Mark. And yours?"

Pluto sighed. "Setsuna."

"We'd better get going then."

"I agree," replied the Hoka. "The sooner we get back to our dimension, the sooner we can get back to dusting Youmas."

Mark sighed. This looked like this was going to be a long day....

[pan camera to around the corner...]

Peering from a shadowy corner of the back-lot, a cloaked and tormented figure looked on in horror.

*What! What are those furry, little bears doing here?!?!! I must escape before...before...* Sweat cascaded down the his brow as the figure strove to tear himself away from the scene of cute Hoka's bouncing around before him. The man managed to close his eyes, but the Hoka's piping little voices burrowed into his brain.

*Must resist overwhelming cuteness...Must resist overwhelming cuteness...Must repress alternate personality...Must repress ...Cannot...NOOOOOO!!* With a silent scream, the man dropped to his knees in a heap.

After a few heartbeats, the figure twitched and drew himself upright. "Yes, my pretties," rasped a voice that could curdle milk, "laugh and enjoy yourselves now. For soon, you will meet your Doom! You cannot not escape my inescapable wrath! Bwhahhahhahhaha... .hehehhe. ...hhehehee..."

Still giggling insanely, the figure slinked out into a nearby alley and the suddenly stormy night.

[pan to Jillian's sound stage ...]

After Rhiannon, Washu, and Cologne left, Becky furrowed her brow.

Twenty-four hour gestation period? What would she do until then? Beside that, how would she get the genetic material? And how would she end up telling Cologne and Washu that the cameos she promised them would take months to come.

Well, perhaps she could work on the first one by visiting Jill-chan. Becky had heard such an odd scream earlier . . .

"And that's a wrap! Take five, everyone!" Jillian hollered. She felt like grinning. *Gee,* she thought, *Doug is actually cool! I never would have thought of using Chibi-Usa as a Nemesite-calming device. Now if only Rubius would quit being a jerk, my life would be idyllic.*

The studio door clanged open. Security klaxons went off, blaring wildly; amber lights began flickering all over; and there descended from the ceiling a huge enveloping net over whomever had just entered the studio.

Jillian's eyes got wide as saucers. "SPECK!" she yelled. "What's going ON?"

The Fleaspeck, stage manager and general all-around nuisance, appeared floating in midair a la Zoisite. "you called, jill?" he inquired.

His eyes fell on the net. "ha!" he declared. "rubius and saffir and pyrite laughed at me when i said i could do it, but they were wrong!"

"Do what, Speck?" Jillian asked, eyeing him. She knew from experience that whenever the kawaii tiny redhead looked that pleased with himself, something was just about to go ballistic.

As evidence:

"JILL-CHAN!" hollered a voice, slightly muffled by the net. "What's going on? Lemme out of here!"

"Eep," Jill said. "Speck, you NERD. That's Becky! I said she had alpha clearence! Get her out of there, PRONTO!"

But the Fleaspeck, chortling madly in self-satisfaction, had already teleported back over to the backstage, where his yelled commands could be heard over assorted boos, hisses, and death threats.

Jill sighed. It did have to happen to Becky, too, her first friend at SME. She began helping Becky out of the net. At least all the alarms and whatnot had turned off.

"Well!" said Becky, once the net had been removed. "Is that your usual welcome?"

"Sorry about the Speck," Jill apologized as they headed over to the area that Jill (and Rudra) had claimed as their own. Rudra glared at both of them, then settled back down in a nap.

"I should've known better than to appoint Speck in charge of Security," Jill continued glumly. "He's already managed to annoy Ben, scare the life out of Sherlyn, and I think he put honey all over Matt's favorite jacket."

Becky winced.

"Yeah," Jill said. "That was my reaction. I should've just let Himself handle all of this; then maybe I'd get some more respect out of my actors. I'd like to see anyone give Himself any backtalk, even that jerk Rubius. Prima donna."

"Himself?" Becky said curiously. "Who's He?"

"Himself is - " Jill began.

"DON'T SAY HIS NAME," everyone hollered. Demand and Rudra sighed theatrically.

Becky looked more puzzled than ever.

"I don't get it," she said.

"Me neither," Jill said. "Here, sit down and tell me about your latest project. How's Mara's character development going? Have you had any interesting visitors lately?" Jill snickered. "We've had some interesting actors' riots around here; luckily, Doug and Chibi-Usa showed up. Then one of the Sakuyas ran through here chasing Alan, and Onyx got a black eye from THAT particular fracas. Then we had a Hoka Prince Demand show up, and I'm not even going to tell you what THAT did to my blood pressure."

Becky giggled. "Sounds like fun. What do you think about - "

But that thought was fated never to be finished; at that very moment, all hell broke loose over in the main set of the studio.

Becky and Jill looked at each other. Becky was the first to speak:

"Gee, do you suppose that Rubius has been acting up again?"

Jill sighed. "I dunno, but the sight of a ninja oughta cool him off. Would you mind, terribly, being officially Taking Notes over who gets to be dunked into Spring of Drowned Esmeraude? That's the worst thing I can think of to do to him."

[On Craig's Set ...]

Calcite moved to stand next to Pluto. "I have no objections. The last report we had was the intruder was on the thirty-first floor. If we teleport to the twenty-ninth, we can work our way up. Fair enough?"

Pluto nodded. Calcite turned to the other two Guardians. "I want you two to stay with the King and Queen. Azure, call Pyrite and tell him to forget the security system for now, and have him meet Pluto and me on the twenty-ninth floor." He looked at his sister. "Ti, stay here, and be ready for anything."

She nodded and reached for her transforming pen. By the time she shouted "Sailor Polaris Make Up!" Both Calcite and Pluto had teleported away.

"And CUT!"

Craig leaned back in his director's chair and relaxed. "OK People! Take Five!" He looked over at his temporary assistant, Nassis. "Has anyone found Alan yet?"

"Neg Boss," replied the short, thin faced Youma.

"Send out two more search parties. I need to find Alan for the second throne room scene."

"On it, Boss."

Craig felt someone tapped him on his shoulder. He craned his head and found himself looking up at Mark. "What's up?"

"We need to talk," replied Mark.

"Sure. About...." Craig looked past Mark. "Did you know there's a Hoka standing behind you, dressed as Sailor Pluto?"

"Yes. That's what I want to talk to you about."

"The Hoka?"

"Yes," replied Mark tightly. "There's a bunch of them running around the lot right now."

"Great," said Craig. "Do you think we can use them in a story?"

Mark's face redden. Several of the crew standing nearby decided to leave the area. Strangling the urge to strangle Craig, Mark said slowly, "Are you aware of the Discussion Matter Theory of SME space?"

Craig's face fell. "Er...no. But if you hum a few bars, I might recognize it."

The only thing that save Mark from throttling Craig right then and there was Setsuna gliding up to Craig's chair. "I need to discuss some things with...Hello, Mark."

Mark took a second to recover himself. "Hello Setsuna. How's it going?"

"Well, I finally have some good screen time...." Her voice trailed off and she stared past Mark. "Did you know there's a Hoka standing behind you, dressed as Sailor Pluto?"

"I know." A vein started to throb in Mark's forehead. He glared at Craig.

"It's your fault that the Hokas are here."

"Mine? How can it be my fault?"

"Because of the Discussion Matter Theory of SME space!"

"I'll bite, what's theory is that?"

Mark exhaled slowly. "In SME space, matters that are discussed for a long enough time, the space around this lot becomes mailable. With me so far?"

Craig looked uncertain "I think so."

"When the characters firm up and are accepted as part of the SME universe, the space links up with the closest dimension with a corresponding character. The characters are transported here for a screen test. If they're acceptable, they're signed on. If they're not, they can go back, or work as part of the stage crew."

"But I only mention the Hoka in one Email!"

"Which was one time too many."

Just then, the door to the outside flew open and Chibi-usa came running in, crying at the top of her lungs, "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

Mark spun and strode towards the short girl. "What's wrong?"

"SOME TEDDY BEARS STOLE MY KEY!"

"What Key?"

"THE KEY TO THE CHOCOLATE PLANET!"

"Oh boy," muttered Mark.

Chibi-usa wiped her eyes and stared past Mark in astonishment. "Did you know there's a teddy bear standing behind you, dressed as Sailor Pluto?"

"HE KNOWS!" chorused Craig, Setsuna and the Hoka, half a heartbeat before Mark could open his mouth.

Mark turned and glared at the three of them. "Do you mind?"

Just then, Jillian came running in, looking concerned. "Craig, I need - Mark, I'm glad you're here."

"What's wrong?"

"I'd better show you, then explain." She looked past Mark. "Did you know there's a Hoka standing-"

"WE KNOW!" chorused Mark, Craig, Chibi-usa, Setsuna, and the Hoka.

Jillian stood there, wide-eyed. "Oh."

Mark didn't bother with the glare this time. "Let's go see what's wrong."

They all trooped over to Jillian's half of the soundstage. Becky was kneeling next to an unconscious Demand, Sherlyn looking on in concern. Rubius was hanging upside down from a support beam, trussed up like an early Thanksgiving Turkey, with a look of sheer terror on his face. There was no one else on the soundstage.

"Mark!" cried Sherlyn. She looked past the group. "Did you know-"

"WE KNOW!" chorused Mark, Craig, Chibi-usa, Setsuna, Jillian, and the Hoka

"Glad to have you back," said Mark briskly. "Craig, Jillian, this is Sherlyn, another member of our group. Sherlyn, Craig and Jillian, two of our new members." He looked at Demand. "What happened?"

"The Hokas," said Jillian. "Sakuya came running through here twice, chased by the Hoka Senshi. The first time through, Onyx stepped into a Sailor Jupiter 'Thunder Punch' and got a black eye. Then we had a Hoka Prince Demand show up-I won't bother with describing THAT situation. After they left, we managed to get every thing sorted out and started to restage the scene. Halfway through, Sakuya comes charging back through, the Hokas hot on her heels. Demand wasn't in the best of moods to begin with, and this time, he lost it. He stepped in front of the Hoka and begins to scream at them. The Hokas stopped and went into Senshi defensive poses."

Craig pointed at Rubius. "Shouldn't we get him down?"

Jillian shook her head. "Not until he and I have a long talk about respect.

Where was I?"

"The Hoka went into defensive poses," said Mark.

"Right. So, Demand leans over and shouts in the Sailor Moon's face. She stands there for several seconds, then yells 'Moon Scepter Bonk!' and bopped Demand over the head with the Moon Scepter."

"What?" asked Mark slowly. Behind him, Craig started to giggle.

Jillian sighed. "She rapped Demand over the head with her Moon Scepter.

He went down like a sack of rocks."

"He's lucky," said the Hoka Sailor Pluto. "If Sailor Moon or any of the Senshi had their full powers, he would have been dusted."

"Er...this is probably a stupid question," said Setsuna to her Hoka counterpart, "but WHY don't you and the other Hoka Senshi have your full powers?"

The Hoka shrugged. "Simple. We can't find a Moon Cat to give them to us."

"A Moon Cat?" asked Mark. "To give you powers?"

"Of course," replied the Hoka. "We know we're the Sailor Senshi, but until we find Luna or Artimis to complete the return of our memories and powers, we've had to improvise."

"I see," said Mark, the first signs of a major headache pounding across his forehead. He glanced at Sherlyn, who nodded and walk briskly off the soundstage, the task of warning the Moon Cats on the lot her first priority. Craig continued to giggle, though Mark wasn't sure it was because he find the entire situation funny or if he was well on his way to gaga land. He looked at Becky. "How is Demand?"

Becky opened one of Demand's eyelids and looked. "Still out," she announced. She looked closer. "Jillian," she said carefully. "What color are Demand's eyes?"

Jillian walked over to where Becky was kneeling. "Gray."

"Not anymore."

"WHAT??" screamed Jillian.

"Take a look for yourself. They're purple."

Jillian kneeled beside Demand and checked his eyes. "But-but how?"

Becky shrugged. "There's no way of telling in this dimension."

Mark turned to look at a red-faced Craig who had stopped giggling. "This is all your fault."

"MINE?" asked Craig in a loud voice. "WHAT DID I DO?"

"You mentioned them."

"In one Email!"

"That was one too many."

"There's only a few of them-how much of a problem can they be?"

Just them, five more Hokas walk onto the soundstage. The first one was a female Hoka, dressed in a green dress and a jeweled crown and trying to be slinkily despite her chunkiness. Three male and one female Hokas followed the first, dressed in simple gray uniforms. The leader walked up to Mark. "Excuse me," said the female Hoka. "I'm Queen Beryl of the Negaverse and these are my Generals. Do you mind if we set up are base right here while we plot and plan to eliminate Sailor Moon and the other Senshi?"

Mark looked at Craig. Craig looked back at him. "OK," said Craig. "I retract that last statement...."

Unmindful of blame or any possible consequences, Jillian and Becky stared at the Dark Kingdom Hokas, and promptly burst into giggles.

"Look!" Jillian gasped, pointing at the Hoka wearing the short blonde wig. "There's something I've always wanted to know about a furry Jadeite..."

"I don't think I want to know," Becky said. "This is getting weird enough."

Jillian, whose mind had been under considerable stress for the past few hours what with dealing with recalcitrant Nemesians and furry critters, went on: "Do you think he'd let me call him Jeddy-teddy?"

Becky considered this for a moment. "No, but I do think that you're nuts. That's about as cool as your idea of calling Sam-kun Sam-the-Ace."

Behind them, Mark and Craig were gesticulating wildly and going through a discussion which consisted mainly of Mark losing his temper in a few quite spectacular ways, and Craig abjectly apologizing for even mentioning the damn things.

The Fleaspeck, unnoticed by anyone save the Hoka Sailor Pluto, reappeared in his customary midair spot. He absently flicked Rubius' ears as a sort of hello, then his eyes widened at the sight of all these people invading what he considered to be HIS personal space.

This, obviously, would not do. The Fleaspeck didn't really mind Jillian hanging around so much, since it amused him vastly to see the teenager try to impose her will upon a crowd of Romans and Nemesians, but Speck didn't really cotton to a lot of other people around. Hmmph.

The kawaii tiny redhead descended to the ground, tapped Craig on the shoulder, and said casually, "hi there, sport."

Craig looked around in irritation.

"i'm down here."

Craig blinked and looked down. Staring up at him was a tiny bishounen with hair the color of Beryl's and eyes as green as poison.

The little tyke couldn't have been more than fifteen or possibly sixteen, but that wasn't what captured Craig's attention.

No, the real focal point about the redhead would have had to be the knives the kid was juggling.

"you're in charge of these furry critters?" the Fleaspeck demanded.

"Not really," Craig said.

"Sure he is," Mark put in, smiling strangely. He'd had his own runin with Speck.

"fine," said the Fleaspeck. "then you can get rid of 'em." He whirled around quickly, and pointed at the Hoka Beryl. "hey, you in the dress - knock it off! i saw you tryin' to pocket that copy of jill's script!"

"Gosh," said Jillian. "Thanks, Speck."

"don't thank me yet, jill," Speck said. "it's entirely clear to me that this back-lot needs my expert assistance to even run smoothly."

Mark winced. "Frank's not gonna like that," he muttered.

"You said it," Setsuna agreed. She was staring at the redhead in mingled disgust and admiration. Chutzpah would have been the Fleaspeck's middle name, that is if he'd had a first or last name to support it.

The Hoka Beryl and her Shitennou, meanwhile, had other ideas. H. Nephrite was poking at the still-unconscious Prince of the BMF, and calling loudly on the power of the stars. H. Zoisite and H. Kunzite were looking around for a dark corner in which to snuggle, and H. Beryl was locked in a staring contest with Becky. The prime Niichuan Ninja did not look best pleased at this turn of events.

High above everyone's heads, Rubius was sobbing, "I'll be good, I'll never never question the director again, I swear!"

Everyone ignored him, which was all right because Rubius was a jerk.

"Say," said Jillian, who had just recovered from her fit of giggles, "do you suppose Demand got amnesia from that nasty knock on the head? If it could change his eye color, it could've knocked him into forgetfulness..."

Mark, who recognized the look in her eyes, said, "Are you going to try throwing yourself into his arms again?"

Jill blushed. "I just like men in capes," she said with dignity.

H. Beryl decided that it was just about time that someone paid attention to her again; she was, after all, Queen of the Dark Kingdom.

"We need this space to set up our center of power," she said briskly, gesturing with her crystal staff. "So if all of you would kindly clear out...."

That did it. The Fleaspeck stiffened. "clear out? clear out? what? no way in heck!"

"How does he do that?" Craig wondered in an undertone.

"Do what?" Setsuna asked sotto voce.

"Speak in lowercase."

"I dunno," Jillian said. "It's part of his inherent Speckness, I think.

Like being cute and having red hair and knowing just how to bug people."

"Ah," said Craig. Something about that stirred his imagination.

Inherent qualities...

Just then, Sherlyn came back, followed by Pumice and Saffir.

"Bad news," Sherlyn said. "Pyrite's being besieged by Hoka Magnesite and Hoka Overlord Calcite."

"oh for madros' sake," Speck muttered. "do i have to do everything around here?" He stalked off, pausing only to point sternly at Saffir and order, "you, blue-haired freak, you're pretty sensible. you take charge."

"Me?" The Nemesian Savant looked startled.

"yeah. you'll do. just don't get between demand and jill; she's gonna try making a play for the albino three-eyed freak again."

"Oh, man," Mark said. He shook his head as all of them watched Speck go forth. "Is he for real?"

"Who, Speck?" said Jill glumly. "Unfortunately, yes. Just count yourself lucky that Himself hasn't turned up yet."

Mark's brow knitted. "Himself?"

"DON'T SAY HIS NAME!" everyone else chorused.

"Whatever," Mark said. "So does anyone know how we can get these furry pests out of here? I really would like to get some shooting done. It would make me feel so useful and fulfilled."

"Nice delivery," Becky said.

"Thank you."

"Got it!" Craig announced suddenly, snapping his fingers and absently bulling his way through Hokas Beryl and Kunzite on his way to the middle of the soundstage. "Sherlyn, you warned all the cats, right?"

"Yes," Sherlyn nodded. "All except Rudra and Ares; can't find them."

"Rudra's taking a nap in the corner," Jillian said, pointing. "I'm surprised he hasn't woken up yet."

"Speaking of waking up, what the hell happened to my oniiisan?" Saffir asked. "And please don't put me in charge; that's Demand-oniisan's job."

"Demand had a slight accident concerning a Hoka Moon Rod," Craig said. To his credit, only one hoot of laughter escaped him whilst delivering this speech.

"Whatever," Saffir said, kneeling by his elder brother and examining him. "What the - ? Demand's eyes are PURPLE!"

"Yeah," sighed Jillian dreamily. "Aren't they cute?"

Everyone sweatdropped. Saffir muttered, "At least she's better than Esmeraude."

Hoka Queen Beryl screamed, "I said, CLEAR OUT!"

Craig said impatiently, "Hold thy horses, madam, we're trying to figure out how to get rid of you people."

"Oh," said the furry Beryl, mollified. "That's all right, then."

Craig sighed in relief, then realized that everyone's attention was on him.

Doug staggered out of his office and blinked. He had been reading a rather large fanfic at home. Shrugging he blinked as he noticed a strange sight. Lack of sleep and the need to really find out caused him to make a rash decision. Walking, or rather staggering, towards the group he came up along side Setsune.

The fact that he didn't notice Mark, who was doing a slow burn towards Craig, wasn't about to help matter. "Ne," he said while nudging Setsuna, "Is it true that you're as much a sous as that story says?" Setsuna turned to look at him and gave him a puzzled look, "I mean, *eighty-million yen worth of 300 year old liquor?" Before Setsuna could respond to his question he noticed a strange site.

"All right!" he demanded, "Who the hells doing a DK filming with..." What the hell were they anyway. Craig sensing impeding doom babbled a shortened tale. Doug blinked and was silent for several seconds. "You're Majesty," he said to Queen Beryl, "May I have a word with you? She scowled at him but he seemed to be the only fearful one around her. Noding she wandered off witht eh strange fellow, the other author's watching nervously.

"What the hell his he up to?" mark muttered out, "This is not good..." His nerves didn't improve any when both Hoka and Helm glanced back at him.

"This is not good."

"Well, if it gets rid of them..." Craig began but trailed off as Mark seemed to loom over him.

"Look, this might not get rid of them. And I plan on brining this up at the weekly Author's meeting." Mark then gloomily thought, "If we survive that long."

Doug came back, still looking unsure of his bearing and said, "Well, I think that settles that. Her Majesty and Mistress of the Dark Kingdom will be leaving SME, on two conditions." Mark muttered a curse. "First, the Sailor Senshi have to be expelled before them. The second condition will remiand secret to ensure that SME Back-lot isn't comprimised but something worse..." he let that sink in for several seconds before saying, "Uh, there is a third but none biding condition." Helm looked extermely uncomfortable for a few seconds before saying, "Uh well, seems like Her Majesty is looking for a mate." For some reason all eyes turn to gleam menacing towards Craig.

"No!" He howls.

Clearing his throat, Doug waited for the others to turn back, "It isn't Craig." He briefly wondered what Craig had done but pushed it aside for the moment. "No, the own she wants is SPeck."

"Speck?" Jillian overheard, "Well, aren't you the lucky boy!" She nudged the miniscule trouble-maker. "Never thought we'd find you a bride, eh?"

"i don't see how you expect me to mate with someone that large," Speck responded primly. "she has to be almost two feet tall!"

"Speck-kun, I think I have a couple ideas on how you can mate," Sherlyn supplied, with a smug grin.

"hentai!" This naturally lapsed into a row.

While the war of words raged, Doug had started to look at the third of the gathered girls. Wasn't there something odd about her since the last time they'd met? "Becky, since when has your hair been red?"

The teenager stared at him, "My hair sometimes has red highlights, Dougie, but normally it's brown, and even, dare I say? mousy. Why'd you ask?"

"Maybe you should let it out of that pony tail."

He started a mental countdown. Three, two, one . . .

"Oh no! I must have caught it from Demand! Or maybe Laura from school 'cause she just dyed hers! What am I gonna do? And Sam-kun might not recognize me! Waaaaaaah!!!!"

"(teeheehee)Maybe (wheeze) it (snicker) was (chuckle) the (hoohaha)

Discussion (bwahahaha) Matter (hoo-heh) principle?" Craig guessed.

Speck was temporarily distracted by the wailing sixteen-year-old, "hey cool, your hair looks like mine, y'know? i kinda like it."

He was promptly swatted acrossed the room.

H. Beryl chased after him.

She tripped on the prone Demand.

And she decided to sue him.

The case was settled out of court.

Before all that happened, Becky's beeper went a-beeping. "Oh my goddess, I forgot about the time! I'll be back A.S.A.P. Ja!" The now red-haired Niichuan Ninja ran off towards a certain cauldron she had left to sit.

The other two females waved gaily "What was that all about?"

Jillian mused to herself.

"(giggle) Search (hahaha) me (snort)," Craig replied, or rather attempted to. Thinking him not serious enough, H. Pluto clonked him on the head with her staff. He blacked out.

Mark looked at the living teddy-bear with great big grateful look in his eyes, "Thanks. That laugh was beginning to annoy me."

Deciding not to risk another lawsuit, Mark, with the help of H. Pluto, dragged Craig into a corner of the soundstage. They covered him with a blanket, placed an electric fence around him, then erected a large sign that said "DANGER - UNDERCOVER IRS AGENT - DO NOT FEED".

Satisfied, Mark looked around. H. Beryl and Speck were engaged in something that looked like a cross between a dance, a swordfight, and Australian Rules Football. The four H generals were standing near by, alternating between cheering for the queen and placing side bets with each other on how long Speck could keep from being a smear. Demand was still out, Saffir was still unwilling to take charge, Jillian was cooing over Demand, and Setsuna watched Doug with a gleam of wariness in her eye.

"LATUS!" bellowed a voice from the soundstage door. Everything stopped dead. As one everyone (with the exception of Craig and Demand, who were still both out) turned and watched an angry looking Magnesite storm into the soundstage. Following right behind him was a Hoka, dressed exactly like Magnesite was-trenchcoat with fedora and matching suit.

There was a moment of silence, then Speck made a quick thrust with his dagger at H. Beryl, and everything went back to what it was before- complete chaos. Looking even more annoyed, Magnesite stalked towards Mark, the Hoka matching his movement like a furry shadow.

Mark starting cursing under his breath. Two of the H. Generals stopped betting, quickly pulled out notebooks and starting writing down what Mark was mumbling. Unlike Craig, Mark didn't have to be hit over the head to realize what had happened. "I can explain...."

"It had better be good," hissed Magnesite as he stopped in front of Mark and folded his arms. Behind the ex-Youma, H. Magnesite copied the move perfectly. "I want to know when you were going to tell me about him." He thumbed over his shoulder at the Hoka, who followed suit with thumbing over his own shoulder. "Why use a real teddy bear? A stuffed one isn't good enough for you?"

"That's not a Teddy Bear," said Mark, moving slowly to his right so he wasn't trapped between the electric fence and the angry Magnesite "It's a

Hoka, and -"

"I don't care what you Hollywood types call them, they're still teddy bears!"

Sherlyn slid up next to Mark. "Mark's not responsible for the Hoka..." She glanced at the trenchcoated Hoka standing behind Magnesite, "...situation."

"Then, who is responsible sweetheart?"

"Well, it's sort of -"

"It's his fault," cut in Mark, pointing to the small enclosure. "He didn't know about the DMT."

"That's not an excuse," snapped Magnesite. He glared at Mark. "When were you going to have the furball here take over my role?"

"I wasn't going to -"

"I don't believe you, Latus. You've been threatening me for years with using a Teddy Bear to replace me. Why should I believe you now?"

"Take a look around us," said Mark, pointing at the Hokas milling around them. "Do you think I'm going to replace EVERYONE with Teddy Bears?"

"I wouldn't put it past you. They probably work cheaper then the rest of us."

Just then, a couple of Hokas walked past Mark and the others. They were dressed in bright clothing, wore something that looked like Vulcan Ears over their own overlarge ears, and were carrying a tree in a large pot. One was carrying a flute, and Mark had a thought that chilled him.

"Hold it right there, you two!" snapped Mark. "Who are you, and what's with the tree?"

The two stopped, carefully put the tree down the one holding the Flute stepped forward. "I am Alan," he said matter-of-factly. He pointed to the other Hoka. "This is my sister Ann." He pointed to the tree, which looked kind of sickly. "And that's the Doom Tree. Do you mind if we set it up in a corner somewhere?"

Mark's headache came roaring out "Of course. Why not?" he said sarcastically. He pointed in a far corner off the soundstage. "Put it over there, and go discuss your plans with Queen Beryl. I'll see if I can find the Sailor Scouts, after which I plan to get sodding drunk."

H. Alan bowed. "Thank you." With that, the two went merrily on their way.

Magnesite snarled "What about-"

"LATER!!" screamed Mark, forcing the Bogart look-alike to step back. "Say one more word to me, and not only will I have you turned into a teddy bear, I'll send you back with the Hokas! Am I clear? GOOD!"

"Now what are we going to do?" asked Sherlyn.

"Hold the fort here. Don't let the Hokas or Doug out of your sight until I can get the Hoka Senshi back here. I don't care what you have to do, just keep them all here." With that, Mark turned and ran for the door.

"COULD SOMEONE PLEASE GET ME DOWN?" moaned Rubius. Below him, the H generals had wandered over and were now discussing if they should torture the hanging Nemesisian, and if so how. The loud discussion was split between making him watch an endless loop of "Hello Kitty", or have him listen to a CD of "William Shatner's Greatest Hits".

Jillian glanced around, her eyes finally lighting on Sherlyn. "Uh-oh," she said, looking anything but worried.

"What?" Saffir said suspiciously. A paranoid wee bugger, was the blue-haired Nemesian. But then, anyone who had had to put up with the idiocies and plots of Rubius, Esmeraude, Garnet, the Wiseman, and who knew how many other weird Nemesians probably would have been paranoid at that point, too.

"Sherlyn's eyeing Magnesite," Jillian said cheerfully. "Sherlyn-chan and Rae-chan have a thing for men in trench coats. If Ferrite were in here, too, Sherlyn-chan would be in heaven."

"Ah," Saffir said. "Sort of like you and oniisan and Kunzite. That stupid obsession with men in capes."

"Don't mention that," Jillian hissed, looking around furtively. "If Zoi-kun's still hanging around, I'm gonna get NAILED."

"Oh," Saffir said.

Anything further he might've said was cut off by Demand groaning. His eyelids began to flicker.

"He's coming around," Jillian said delightedly. She looked at the white-haired Prince, then at Saffir. "Hmm. Do you think he'll be disoriented for a few minutes?"

"Probably," Saffir said, still suspiciously.

"Good," Jillian said.

"Don't you try anything," Saffir warned. "Esmeraude doesn't like you as it is." He paused; Demand's eyes opened fully.

"Oh, c'mon," Jill said. "When am I ever going to get a chance like this again?"

"Dammit, Jillian, I SAID, don't try anything!"

Too late; Jillian wasn't listening to him. She was too busy kissing the life out of a very startled, extremely stunned Prince Demand.

Meanwhile, Sherlyn and Doug were placating a truly outraged Magnesite.

"- And probably Titanite's in on it, too!"

"No," Sherlyn said firmly. She guided Magnesite over to Jillian's director's chair and sat him down in it. His Hoka counterpart, faced with no other chairs in sight, elected to stand with its arms crossed in classic Bogey fashion.

"Look," Doug said. "It's just because Craig didn't know about the DMT. Be grateful he didn't suggest - oh - evil bloodsucking horrendously befanged and bescaled versions of the Senshi from Tau Ceti."

Sherlyn and Magnesite regarded him in some admiration. "Nice delivery," Magnesite said.

"Thank you."

"So I'm really not getting replaced by this sack of furry guts behind me?"

"No," said Sherlyn. She paused. "Although, if you were, that would free you for a few private - um - shoots with me or Rae-chan..."

Magnesite shook his head violently. "No, no, I'll just trust Latus and you guys on this. I guess I jumped the gun."

"I should say so," Doug said severely. He craned his neck, looking around. "Say - wasn't Rubius hanging from that beam just a few seconds ago?"

Actually, he had been; however, Speck had cut him down in exchange for Rubius' protection against the outraged H. Beryl.

The Fleaspeck admitted freely that it was a last-ditch attempt, but he would have been willing to bet that anyone in his same situation would've elected Rubius as the lesser of two evils, too. After all, one sadistic Nemesian is always slightly more pleasant than an insane furry teddy-bear queen who wants to make you her consort.

Besides, if H. Nephrite got his way and made Rubius listen to William Shatner, then Speck would go nuts from a terminal overdose of bad acting.

"not that i don't get enough of that anyway, from carnelian and esmeraude and whatsisname, the albino freak," he said, hiding behind Rubius' menacing bulk.

"Shut up, rodent," Carnelian said.

Esmeraude took a bit longer to figure out that she'd been insulted, but when she did, she immediately joined the fray on H. Beryl's side. Not only did she get a chance to settle that ancient grudge against Rubius, but she also got to whop Speck upside the head with her fan.

H. Beryl attempted to run over Rubius in her frenzy to get at Speck. "Come back here, you little tease!" she yelled, conveniently forgetting that shouting does not behoove royalty, not even Hoka simulacrums.

Doug looked at Sherlyn, who shrugged. "It's not MY soundstage," she said. "If Jillian likes this kind of nonsense, that's her business."

"I guess so," Doug said, wishing that Mark would get back. All these Hokas milling around were seriously annoying him. That had been his opinion even before H. Alan had bonked him in the noggin with a Cardian made out of Play-Doh, and it didn't look likely to change soon.

True to Doug's unspoken wish, the studio doors swung open, and Mark appeared, herding along a sullen-looking horde of Hoka-ish Senshi.

"I found them," Mark said brightly. Too brightly.

Sherlyn and Doug looked at each other. Jillian, who looked extremely pleased with herself, appeared behind them. "What's up?" She caught sight of Mark, surrounded by a positive sea of fukued teddy bears. "Hey, that's cute, Mark. What're you going to do with all of 'em?"

Mark paused in the middle of thinking up a suitably cutting reply to this blatantly stupid question.

He honestly didn't know.

In the darkened SME prop warehouse, a shadowy figure flitted between the massive isles of crates and boxes. Like a ghost, he left no evidence of his passage but his mournful whispering filled the air.

"Yes my pretties, you will get just what you deserve. Too pretty says I! Too cute says I! Well, we will remedy that, won't we, my pretties? Yes, like a doctor I will fix you says I. Too cute! Too cute! Can be fixed says I! heehehehehe ... hehhehehhe ... OUCH! Stubbed my toe! Who's the !#$@%!$^! who left that box there. #$^@$%@$#^@%^@ Poor toe!"

After his passing, the warehouse slipped back into its silent slumber.

The Voice of Doom was rather high pitched, "Ohayo, minna-chan!

Malsin's back! Cool, more Hoka! Guess what, I brought a present!"

"A present?" Mark asked, hoping that Becky would prove to be enough of a distraction to get the heat off him.

The teenager only giggled, but came into the light, tugging a little red wagon behind her. In the wagon was someone quite familiar to all of the veteran members. It was a pity that his warm brown eyes happened to be shut.

"Sorry about Sam-kun," she explained, "but he seemed to have nosebleeded a great deal. I guess the loss of blood made him pass out." Indeed, there were the signs of such a bloodloss, including a stupid grin on his face.

After the furor died down, Becky asked a simple question, "So, what are we gonna do with the Hoka?"

Mark groaned.

Before Mark could find a handy piller to bang his head against, there was a scream combined with a loud sizzling sound. This continued for ten seconds, then abruptly stopped.

"What was that?" asked Becky.

"P-chan in a microwave?" suggested Doug.

"I don't think we're that lucky," muttered Mark.

Someone shuffled out of the darkness. With wild hair, black smuges covering him from head to toe, and a look of sheer bliss on his face, Craig looked like Wile E. Coyote's stunt double. "What a rush," he mumbled.

Mark looked at H. Pluto. "Next time, We up the voltage." The Furry Senshi just nodded in reply.

"Hey, Guys!" said Craig cheerfully. "I had this great dream about these creatures called Hokas who...." He stopped, and looked around slowly.

The battle between H Beryl and speck was now a three-way conflict, as H Alan and Anne had opened a second front on both sides. The Doom Tree standin was now a pile of dirt and broken branches, a victium of the battle's mobile nature. Playdough and other items were flying fast and furious in this three way fight. The H Senshi and the two Magnesites were off to one side, watching the fight. H Magnesite was trying to get a bet going with H Sailor Moon, who showed her opinion of the idea by bopping him on the head. H Neptune and Uranus were restraining a furious H Mars from joining the fight, shouting at the combative Hoka that everyone fighting were the bad guys.

Craig blinked. "So, it's not a dream...." He stared at what was happening in a quiet section of the soundstage. "What's Jillian doing with Demand? And why is Saffir trying to pull her off?"

Sherlyn glanced over. "She's giving him mouth to mouth," she said with a grin. "Saffir wants a turn."

"I don't think her technique is working."

"What makes you say that?"

"His face is getting as purple as his eyes."

Just then, the door to the soundstage opened, and several shadows stepped inside, closing the door behind them. "HOLD IT!" shouted a new voice.

The fight stopped as if a switch had been turned off. Everyone looked at the new set of shadows.

"NOW what?" snarled Mark.

"I don't think I want to know," said Craig in a low voice.

"I KNOW I don't want to know," replied Doug.

The shadows walked into the light, and Mark's eyes widened.

"NOOoooooooo!" he howled. "It CAN'T be!"

Sherlyn giggled. "It is."

"Frank's going to be irratated," said Doug.

"They're almost as cute as Sam-Kun," cooed Becky. All the SME authors (except Sam and Jillian, who were otherwise occupied) looked at her in surprise. "I said ALMOST."

The newcomers were Hoka, each dressed exactly like a member of the SME writers. One of them stepped forward. "Right, we're here. Sorry it took us so long, but Becky," he pointed at one of the Hokas who was pulling a small red wagon with another Hoka passed out in it, "insisted that we find someway of carrying Sam along. Do you know hard it is to find a wagon in this place?"

"I know this is going to be a stupid question," said Mark slowly.

"But who are you?"

The Hoka blinked. "I'm Mark Latus."

There was a dead silence in the soundstage for the longest time.

Then, Craig made a mistake. "Look at the bright side," he said cheerfully. "now you have someone to help you finish up 'Hurracane Season' ."

Sherlyn and Becky tried to grab Mark, but he avoided their grasp and jumped on top of Craig, knocking him to the ground. He began to throttle Craig, screaming incoherently.

While Sherlyn and Becky tried to pull Mark off of Craig, H Mark tapped Doug on the leg. "Is he having a bad day?"

Doug glanced down at the Hoka. "You could say that."

Just then, the main doors of the sound stage blew inward and fell to the ground with a great clatter. Dust obscuring his vision, Doug covered his mouth with his shirt and wondered what _else_ could go wrong.

As the dust cleared Doug saw a cloaked figure walking forward among shattered remnants of the doors and backlit by the light of a gibbonous moon. "Nice entrance," he murmured.

When the mysterious man reached the center stage, the cloak fluttered to the ground to reveal ...

"Ron?" Craig croaked out to distract Mark from strangling him.

Ron was dressed in a skin-tight black outfit with a stylized icon of a skull on his chest. A bandolier with water grenades was slung from his shoulder. Every kind of water-pistol and super-soaker known to man was holstered, strapped or velcroed onto his body.

"Hear me, Hokas!" he yelled as he held up a water-ballon bazooka. "I have come to put an end to your and everyone else's suffering ... The Doctor is Inn and will start treatment now!" Ron whirled around to point his bazooka at H Sailor Moon. "Starting with you!" Then he fired.

Like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming Suburban, H Sailor Moon froze in place. At the last instant, H Endymion threw himself in the path of the oncoming water-ballon to save her.

"Hit the dirt!" yelled Doug as he pulled Sherlyn and Becky to the ground.

Absolute chaos reigned as Ron let loose with a volley of water grenades and started mowing down Hokas with a Super-Soaker 4000 in his right hand and a water Uzi in his left.

"What is he using? Jusenkyo water?" yelled Sherlyn.

Becky looked in horror at H Endymion. "He's melting!" she exclaimed.

H Sailor Moon was in tears and cradling her fallen hero.

Doug crawled his way to H Endymion and then held up a fist full of H Endymion's fur. "It's much worse," he grated out with impotent fury. "It's NAIR!"

Ron stopped his manical laughing and shooting for a second and said in a eerily rational voice, "Whoops! Sorry, Mark. You should have ducked."

Mark glared at the Nair Rambo. As he did so, hair fell off his head in small clumps. Craig, along with H Magnesite and H Pluto, had managed to make cover behind a large section of scenery. Most of the other Hokas also scrambled for cover, as did all the Nemesisans with the exception of Diamand, who was still lip locked with Jillian. Jillian waved a hand in Ron's direction, but otherwise, she ignored him. The other three Human SME authors took the sudden break in the action as a signal to get out of the crossfire, which they did quickly, dragging a furious Mark and a still passed out Sam along with them.

The only ones still out in the open were the H Senshi, with the exception of H Pluto. H Magensite hissed at the furry Senshi. "Aren't you going to go out and help your comrades?"

"I'm not suppose to interfere," replied H Pluto stiffly. "I could alter the timeline."

"Could I point out that the Nair Termanator is right now altering your comrades' hair situation?"

"He's right," said Craig, peeking around the corner of the scenery. "Unless we stop Ron's rampage, we are going to have a whole lot of furless Hokas on our hands. I'm certain Mark won't like that."

Ron had finished reloading the Super-Soaker 4000 and the water Uzi and was now advancing towards the Hoka Senshi. "The time has come to meet your Doom! You cannot not escape my unescapable wrath! Bwhahhahhah haha ... .hehehhe. ... hhehehee ..."

H Mars stepped in front of the others, eyes blazing. "Hear me, foul defurrer of Hoka! I am pretty Soldier Mars, Guardian of Fire and Honey Wine! In the name of Mars, I will Punish you!"

Craig looked at H Pluto. "She writes her own diologue, right?"

"We all do," replied Pluto with a shrug. "It saves time so the SME authors can concentrate on the inportant details."

Craig rubbed his forehead. "I'm begining to understand why Mark tried to strangle me...."

Ron looked at the short cute teddybear-like creature, and laughed. "YOU

DARE CHALLENGE ME!! hehehehe ...hehe... ..hehehehe.. "

"Let's see you laugh this off!" H Mars made some famillar motions and shouted "FIRE SOUL!"

"I can't watch," muttered Craig as he closed his eyes. "We are going to have a hairless Mars..."

A sudden scream opened Craig's eyes. He looked around the corner, and his jaw dropped opened. "I don't believe it...."

Ron had dropped the half melted Water Uzi, and was blowing on his hand. "Owieowieyouburntmy....littlehandowieowieyouburntmy.. ..littlehand."

H. Mars looked somewhat shocked. She stared at her hands, then at Ron, then at her hands again. Her eyes widen in understanding. She again made the famillar gesturess and shouted "FIRE SOUL!"

A lance of flame lepted from her furry fingers and struck the Super-Soaker 4000, melting the barrel. Ron dropped the water rifle, and started blowing on the hand that had held it. "That's not fair!" he cried. "You're.... cheating!"

"Let me try!" shouted H Jupiter eagerly. "SPARKLING WIDE PRESSURE!"

A bolt of lighting shot from the Hoka's hand, and Ron had to dance to the side to avoid it. Unfortunely, he move directly into the path of a combination of "WORLD SHAKING" and "DEEP SUBMERGE", which knocked him down. Before he could get up, H Mercury dropped a "SHINING AQUA ILLUSION" on him.

The other human SME authors (With the exception of Jillian and Sam), along with their Hoka counterparts, watched the sudden shift in the battle with amazement. "How did that happened?" asked Becky.

"Don't ask me," repled Doug "Unless...." He looked at Mark, who was dousing himself with several buckets of water in an attept to remove the Nair. "Mark, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"That if we ever get out of this, Craig should be forced to watch an endless loop of the Dubbed Bubblegum Crisis videos?"

"Not that!" hissed Doug. "The skirt effect!"

The other Humans looked at him in shock.

"skirt effect?" Speck said with interest. "weird."

Craig looked at him accusingly. "Don't you be calling names, Speck.

You're the one who got the Dark Kingdom Hokas throwing things."

"as if that's my fault, that h beryl has good taste," Speck protested. "besides, explain about the skirt effect. more specifically, dude, explain how we can circumvent it so i can get all you maniacs off my stage."

"YOUR stage?" Becky repeated, eyebrows raised. "I thought it was Jill-chan's."

"right...." Speck said unenthusiastically. "sure it is."

Ron, who seemed to be recovering from his temporary attack of Weirding Out, chirped, "Basically, little redheaded maniac, all the Skirt Effect means is that since the Hoka believe that they're Senshi, and the non-Senshi Hoka believe that the Senshi Hoka are Senshi, and that - " He paused, and reorganized his thoughts.

"Well, since they believe they're Senshi, and have the fukus to prove it, they've also got the Senshi powers."

"nuts," Speck muttered.

"You said it," Becky said cheerfully. She checked on Sam, and sighed.

Honestly; nosebleeds shouldn't take THAT long to come out of...

H Sailor Moon was still crying rivers of tears over H Endymion when Sherlyn came to comfort her. "Don't cry," Sherlyn said softly as she knelt beside the diminuative Hoka. "He's not hurt. He's only lost a little fur ..."

H Sailor Moon stopped bawling enough to say tearily, "I know..." Taking a deep breath before collasping back into sobs, she squeaked, "But now he just looks ... so UGLY!"

"Uh, right ..." Sherlyn backed away as she fought off the strong urge to face fault.

Over in the back corner, Jillian sat back with an extremely stupid grin on her face. "Thanks ever so much for cooperating, Demand-kun," she said sweetly.

"I was unconscious, then groggy," Demand muttered. "And don't call me Demand-kun. It's undignified."

Saffir, who was quietly having hysterics, said, "I really don't think your dignity's been all that high lately anyway, oniisan."

"Shut up, Saffir."

"Yes, oniisan."

Jillian, who had understandably been a bit behind all the events happening on her stage, peered around with interest, and spotted the "How the Heck Do We Get Rid of Actual, Albeit Pint-Sized, Senshi?" convention over yonder. She bounced up, and, grabbing Demand's arm, hauled the (greatly annoyed) shiro no oji over.

"Oh, hi, Jill-chan," said Sherlyn, motioning her into the huddle. Mark, who was still frantically trying to rinse off all the Nair before his eyebrows went the way of the Great Auk, said hello distractedly and went back to sort-of paying attention.

"i say we summon Himself and have teddy bear flambé," speck offered.

"Who's Himself?" Sherlyn asked.

"Don't ask," Jillian said hurriedly. "And don't say His name." To Speck, she added, "Bad idea, Speck. Bad, BAD idea. Don't you remember how grumpy He gets on short notice like this?"

Sherlyn stared at both the redheaded teenager and her redheaded stage manager, then shook her head in bemusement. It figured that all of this silliness was taking place on Jill-chan's stage, then...

"I say that we dose 'em with Nair again," Ron said, waving his squirt gun for good measure.

"What good will that do?" Becky asked reasonably.

"Yeah," Doug said morosely. "Then we'll have a bunch of ticked-off Senshi."

"Why not fight fire with fire, and get the actual, real, human Senshi in here?" Jill said brightly. She subsided as everyone just stared at her.

"Well, if you really want your stage to look like ground zero of a missile attack," Doug said at last.

Demand was seen to grin at this, and mouth, "Can we leave Jill inside when it happens?"

It should be noted that Jillian still hadn't released her death-grip on his arm, which would've ticked anyone off, much less someone as notedly short-of-temper as Demand.

"Is there some sort of size limit on power?" Mark suggested. "I mean, these guys are only two and a half, three feet tall. How much power can they have, anyway?"

"two feet tall," Speck muttered, looking like he would burst into tears.

"does everyone have to rub it in?"

"AS IF he would burst into tears," muttered Sard, over in a corner. Everyone told him politely to shut up; as some brilliant dude once remarked, nobody likes a smart alec Nemesian grammarian.

Sherlyn, glancing around, noticed that the stage had gone eerily quiet while they were debating. She had a bad feeling about this.

"Uh, guys?" she ventured. "Wasn't there a battle, a very NOISY battle, going on just a moment ago?"

"Yeah," said Mark. "So?"

"So, it's - um - not there anymore..."

The dead silence was finally broken.

"Jillian, will you PLEASE let go of me?!"

[Some time later. somewhere deep underground... ]

Rachel Herndon, community college student and sometime SME author, bent over her laptop,(1) typing furiously. "Ha!" she chuckled evilly. "One final down! Three to go! And it's only 4 AM!"

"Excuse me." said a familiar-sounding voice from behind her.

Rachel turned with a gasp, to see a small fuzzy creature with short brown hair and glasses dressed in earth tones and sporting a pair of Birkenstocks. "The hell? It's a Muppet me! What are those guys getting up to on the lot...? Forget it, I don't even *want* to know." Rachel shook her head.

"I'm not a Muppet!" Hoka Rachel protested.

"No, no, of course not. Why are you here?"

"Well, I thought I'd just kick around, waste some time, maybe not update the Fanart Page for a couple of months..." Hoka Rachel explained earnestly.

"Holy cow! It *is* me!!" Rachel stared, wide-eyed, then held out a box. "Candy cane?"

"Sure." said Hoka Rachel pleasantly.

After that, Rachel and Hoka Rachel got along just fine. A couple of hours later, though, as they were hanging out in Rachel's underground lounge, Rachel realized something. "Wait a minute, if you're sitting around here loafing, and I'm sitting around here loafing..."

"Taking advantage of the SME Lot's free cable to catch up on some quality TV programming-" Hoka Rachel interjected.

"Well, it just seems kind of like a waste of resources." Rachel thought for a moment, then looked up as a message-in-a-tube(2) hurtled downward towards her. Opening the little hatch in the tube, she pulled out a canister and extracted the message. "Oh, look, it's from Frank. And there's a picture from Anna inside."

"Cool!" Hoka Rachel opined.

"Yeah." Rachel said, standing and looking guiltily at the large pile of Sherlyn-art sitting unattended on the coffee table. "Hm. Well, if you've got the vegging-out attended to..."

"All taken care of." Hoka Rachel saluted jauntily.

"Well then, that frees me up to do some work on the Fanart Page." Rachel said, picking up and dusting off her toolbox and hammer.

"Bring back more candy." Hoka Rachel told her, settling into her recliner comfortably.

"Yeah, yeah." Rachel squinted over her shoulder at Hoka Rachel as she walked away. "...darn Muppet."

"I heard that!"

Bubblegum Crisis : Hurricane Season

by Mark Latus

There was no denying Sylia Stingray's life was a real mess. All her friends had died, been reincarnated as superboomers and (except for Nene) resented her resurrecting them. In fact Priss was skirting a major breakdown and her own mental stability was very questionable. Add in GENOM poised on the verge of total global domination and her with no idea how to stop them and it was no wonder her sanity was near the breaking point. So it was no wonder that she screamed, "This can't be happening! It's all some crazy dream!"

And then she woke up.

Her heart pounding and bathed in sweat Sylia found herself sitting up in her old bed in her MegaTokyo apartment. Cautiously Mackie eased the door open and looked in to ask, "You okay Sis? You were yelling like a banshee."

"Mackie, I had this terrible dream! The Knight Sabers were dead and ... it was a dream, right?" Nene joined Mackie in peeking through the doorway.

"Do I look dead?"

Nene looked both alive and human. "No, of course not. Just a nightmare, I dreamed Daniel betrayed me and wiped out the Knight Sabers ..."

"That's ridiculous, you two are crazy about each other. Even Priss came around after he ousted Quincy peacefully and took over as CEO then got them out of the arms business."

"You're right, it's just pre-wedding jitters. But it seemed so real ..."

Before Nene could answer her cel phone rang. "Hello?"

"Hey Nene, Linna here. I just found a new ice cream place that's doing an opening special. Interested?"

"Oh boy, Let's all meet up for ice cream!"

So they did and Sylia forgot her nightmare. She married Daniel Dumas and under their combined leadership GENOM became the most eco-friendly and benevolent company on Earth laying the foundations for the peaceful transition to a united global govenment. Nene and Mackie were married the following year, Priss and the Replicants recorded their first gold disc to be followeed by two dozen more and Linna became richer than she had ever dreamed as part of the new and improved GENOM.

And they all lived happily ever after.

The End

Mark Latus stopped typing and printed out the the story. All done, just run it by the proofreaders then ship it off to alt.fan.bgcrisis and rec.arts.anime creative. Finishing up had been a lot easier than he had expected but no one could deny he had taken care of all the plot threads. A job well done. Then the pages were snatched out of his hands and he looked up to see another Mark Latus glaring down at him.

The second Mark stared at the title then read through the pages with disbelief. The first Mark asked, "So what do you think?" By way of answer the taller Mark tore the pages in half, crumpled them up and tossed them into a recycling bin. The shorter Mark adjusted his glasses nervously and ran a paw through the red fur that covered his scalp (and the rest of his body) and queried, "What was wrong with it?"

Mark glared down at his Hoka counterpart and considered violence but remembered that despite their small stature Hokas were tough and sturdy. So he took a deep breath and as calmly as possibly bellowed, "It invalidates all my other BGC fics."

"I know but they were pretty depressing so I thought a little lightening up was called for. People don't want to feel like slitting their wrists after reading fanfic."

"He's got a point ..." Mark turned to see a contingent of Hokas bearing a strong resemblence to his fellow authors. Hoka Berk continued, "Chrysolite's been through far too much trauma so she's going to find out her sister Twilight's alive, they'll make peace with one another and reunite with their father." Hoka Frank nodded, "And Ferrite's going to stop being such a gloomy, driven guy, be reborn as a Yuuchiro lookalike and settle down in Crystal Tokyo to marry Rei and sweep up the temple." Hoka Sherlyn chimed in with, "How many of you think Hotaru shouldn't be dead but just turn out to be in suspended animation and wake up rejuvinated again just as Princess Usagi returns from the twentieth century?" Every furry paw went up and Hoka Sherlyn beamed. "Okay, that's settled. Time for another rewrite."

The original Mark wandered away to the sounds of plans being made to bring back and rehabilitate all the Generals, resurrect Umino, restore everyone killed in the Great Darkness and Black Moon Wars along with fixing up Earth Beta and its Senshi during "Decade". He needed some aspirin, too much sweetness and light really grated on his innate cynicism. As he walked he muttered, "This is all Craig's fault" over and over as a kind of mantra. An act of small minded vengeance seemed very attractive and he had a few ideas in mind once his head didn't hurt quite so much.

Becky stared at the living teddy-bear. That it resembled her was an understatement. It was dressed like her, it had the same semi-kawaii green eyes, even the color of its fur was the dead-leaf shade of her own. She grinned. "Ohayou, Hoka Becky!"

"Ohayou, Human Becky!" the Hoka grinned back.

They giggled simultaneously. Anyone who might have been watching them would be very disturbed.

The taller Becky was the first to speak, "You know, I always wanted Sam-kun to be my teddy bear." She blushed and looked lovingly at her wagon.

The other Becky didn't seem fazed. "Want to trade some time?"

"Maybe . . . so, how should we try to wake them up?"

H. Becky pondered that for a second, "Remember 'Briar Rose'?"

"Oh-hoho, I see what you're getting at. You first?"

"How about we do it at once?"

The first thing Sam realized was that he seemed kissing Becky right next to a pair of lip-locked Hoka. The second thing he realized was that the living teddies looked familiar. He tried to say something but it wasn't exactly coherent.

Becky figured that it was time to regretfully break it off.

Noticing that her furry counterpart had yet to do so, she coughed politely.

The other shrugged, "Do you know how long it's been since I last did that?"

"The same amount of time as for me?"

Sam tugged on her sleeve and whispered, "Becky-chan, why do these Hoka look like us?"

"They are us!" she whispered back. A little more loudly she added, "Isn't this great? Now you really _are_ my teddy bear!"

Sam and H. Sam looked nervously at each other.

After hours of feverously toiling away, Ron was almost finished. Bits and pieces of props, computers, a spare warp core, a Tardis or two, and a few toasters littered the lot next to the prop warehouse. Ron took a step back to admire his handiwork.

"Not a Picasso, but it work," he sighed. Actually, the arch before him looked more like 'Pee Wee's fun house mets Blade Runner'.

"Now I can finally escape this Hoka Madness," he told himself trying to supress a mad giggle from escaping his lips. With a flourish, he pushed the big red button labeled "ON".

Nothing happened.

Ron pushed it again.

Nothing happened again.

With animalistic cry, Ron threw himself back into his creation; pulling out and replacing parts in frenzy and pushing the button at seemingly random intervals.

"Work! Work, you big hunk of junk! Why won't you #$%!#^@%$@ work!!!"

Some time later Becky came gliding by on rollerblades. Noting Ron sobbing at the base of his creation, she said, "Hey, you haven't seen Sam-kun around anywhere?"

With a glazed look on his face, Ron pulled himself together enough to shake his head.

"Oh well, I'll keep looking." She started off down the lot before calling back over her shoulder, "You know, you might want to try plugging it in."

"Plugging it it?" The thought took its own sweet time to register on Ron's fried mind. "Plugging IT it?" Ron scrabbled around to find the extension cord. It wasn't plugged in. "PLUG IT IN!" he cried with a vengence as he plugged it and pushed the BUTTON at same time.

The arch sputtered and sparked and then slowly came to life.

"Yes! Yes! YES!" Ron cried as he could make out the shapes of sand dunes on the other side of the arch. He had sucessfully created an interdimensional portal to a beach planet and now had solved the problems of Hokas, lack of a set and lack of surf in one fell swoop.

With a laugh of total glee, Ron ran through the arch into the dunes. There was sand, sand, sand and ... more sand? Ron paused as he considered this. This looked more like a desert. Maybe it was a beach ... oh, 3 million years ago.

On the other side of the arch, Hoka Becky came wandering around, looking for her Hoka Sam. Upon spying the arch, she shook her head. People should conserve energy and not leaving things running like this.

Ron looked back at the arch in time to see Hoka Becky pulling the plug.

"Wait! NOOoooooo!"

The arch faded away.

Ron slumped to the ground as his only escape from the desert vanished.

Then there was only silence, broken only by the howling of the wind.

Ron counted grains of sand while he tried to calm his mind. * OK, this is kind of a bad situation. But at least I'm away from the Hokas.*

Off in the distance, Ron spied something moving. It was big. It was brown. It was trapazoidal; Trapazoidal with treads. * Where have I seen that before? * he mused as he ran toward it.

In the hour it took Ron to reach the dune-crawling vehicle, he had figured out where he had seen it before. * I must be in the Star

Wars universe * he grinned, * What luck! I won't even have to wait until the summer for new movie to come out! *

As Ron approached, a door creaked open revealing short figures in robes babbling to each other in a quick, incomprehensible tongue. A worn, rusted ramp extended to touch the sandy ground.

"Hey guys, got any job openings? You won't find anyone quicker with a solder gun west of the Antares sector!"

Ron's perspective employers ignored him as they wheeled out their wares. One was a short human-shaped droid with gold body-panels, but why did it have fur sticking out of its joints? Ron's hands started to tremble. A second droid rolled out, looking just like a garbage tin on wheels, when it hit a rut and tipped over.

The lid of the droid flipped off revealing ... a Hoka.

In a storage shed on SME back-lot, Craig inclined his head and cupped his ear. "Did you hear that? It sounded like someone screaming!" he whispered to his companion.

Hoka Craig shot back, "Keep quiet! You want Latus to find us? I'm sure it was just your imagination."

Craig shrugged and went back to twiddling his thumbs. He hoped Mark would cool off in time for tomorrow's shoot. Had it not been so dark in the shed, he might have noticed that his furry counterpart was smiling.

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... well anyway sometime soon.