by: Lady Shadow

The first thing to go may have been my titles, but the second change had far more of an impact. He dismissed both Clothilde and Lady Alainne; both from my service and from the Arcadien court. He wanted no hint of his actions to reach any sympathetic ears. Ostensibly, they were accompanying me to a remote lodge in the mountains where I was "to regain my emotional health after the death of our beloved father." That was the story he spread anyway. Indeed, later I discovered that I took a rather large retinue of servants up there with me; any servant that Mykel judged to be too loyal to me was conveniently gotten out of the way. To be honest, I haven’t the least idea where they finally ended up-- servants in the manors of one of Mykel’s toadies I presume. Or perhaps even dead; dead women tell no tales, after all. All I know is that after that day, I never saw them again.

Next, I lost my chambers. While Mykel could not dismantle it and give away my possessions, he certainly could deny me access to them. While the chambers appeared to be held in readiness for my future ‘return’ they were, in reality, given to Mykel’s mistresses. Of everything I lost during that long, cold winter, I missed my possessions the least. What need had I for toys and games and books when my father had died? What need had I for my bed and my rooms when I had no one to share them with? And what need had I for lovely clothes and jewels when my brother was determined to turn me into a slave? Indeed, I was too heart-broken and confused to miss anything at first and Mykel made sure that by the time I was healed emotionally, I had more things to worry about than fine dresses.

After Clothilde and Lady Alainne were banished, I became a servant. I remember the first night vividly. Mykel was cruel, a connoisseur of pain, both physical and mental and for all of his slimness, he was frightfully strong. Mykel came into my chambers late one night; the very last night I was to remain in my chambers, I discovered, after all of the courtiers had retired. He planned it well, my diabolical half-brother, that very day proclaiming a month of mourning for our father and banning balls and parties at the Palace. Under the cover of midnight, he crept into my room and woke me up with an expedient slap. I sat up quickly, looking about wildly for the intruder, but before my eyes could adjust to the darkness, I felt his hand entwine in the hair at the nape of my neck and jerk my head backwards. He placed a dagger across my throat and whispered hoarsely, "Scream, sister, go ahead. I will slit your throat from ear to ear before you can utter a sound." Hastily I expelled the breath I had been drawing and my shriek of fear died unvoiced.

He dragged me out of bed by my hair and threw me to the floor. In the pale shaft of moonlight that filtered in through my window, I saw he was dressed oddly, in rough peasant garb instead of his customary rich silks and velvets. I stared at him, eyes wide and liquid with fear, which he saw and smiled at. "You will do well to fear me, Beryl," he hissed. "The plans I have for you have been ten years in the making and you will spend the rest of your life reaping the benefits of a decade of creativity." So saying, he pulled my down coverlet off the bed and spread it on the floor. "Get on it." he ordered brusquely, pointing to the edge. In my terror I couldn’t move, I was frozen to the spot I had fallen like a rabbit in the gaze of a hawk. Mykel, seeing I hadn’t obeyed, walked slowly over to me. I cowered away from his approach, but even my abject state did not appease his anger. He picked me up, again by the hair and, once I was standing, moved his grip from my hair to my neck. "When I tell you to move, girl, you will move!" Every word was punctuated with a blow, but his hand around my throat choked off any cries of fear or protest. He flung me towards the outstretched blanket and this time, I made my body act. I crawled onto the blanket and tried to get my bruised throat to work.

"Lay down." he commanded. This time I complied with alacrity. Had I divined his plan, however, I might have tried to escape. Swiftly he knelt beside me and the proceeded to roll me up tightly in my own blanket. I began to struggle, but several swift kicks to my side, even though several layers of down, convinced to lie still. Mykel wasted no more time; taking several lengths of rope he had brought with him, he tied me tightly inside my cocoon, which he slung over his shoulder. Then, he quietly slipped out of my chambers, looking for all the world like a servant carrying a heavy rug away. The inside of my blanket was hot and stuffy, with little air, and a cruel tie around my middle effectively cut my breathing in half. Before we had even left the Royal Wing of the Palace I had swooned, not to be awakened until we reached the woods.

It was the fresh, sweet air that brought me back to consciousness, but a cold dunking into water. Mykel carried me into the Royal Forest surround the Palace, and, once there, had untied the blanket. Giving my inert form a slight push, he let gravity unroll me out of the blanket, down the bank he had placed me upon and into the frigid waters of a small stream. I awoke with a choke and a gasp, while the water was not deep enough to drown me, it was enough to soak me to the skin. I cried out in shock, but Mykel only laughed. "Scream all you want, sister-mine," he said jovially. "There is no one to hear you. Except us, of course."

It was then I noticed Mykel and I were not alone. There was another man there, also dressed like a menial servant, holding two horses, Mykel’s magnificent stallion and an old, bony, ill-used pony. As I climbed out of the stream, shivering with cold, Mykel turned to his compatriot. "Bring her blanket back to her rooms and make sure you are not seen. Brush of any evidence that the blanket has been outside and place it neatly upon her bed. Then come to the Lodge." Dismissing the man, he turned back to me. "Oh, there you are, sister," he said, mimicking surprise and concern. "Why on earth did you throw yourself into the stream for? It is very chilly and you haven’t a change of clothes and we have a long way to go. I do hope you don’t become ill." He pointed to the nag and his voice changed, hardened. "Get on it."

Teeth chattering, I mounted the pony and groped for the reins. Although I was an excellent rider, my hands were shaking so badly from the cold that I could not grip them. "You needed bother trying, sister-mine," he mocked, "it wasn’t my intent to allow you that much freedom anyway." He bound my hands together, tying them around the pommel of my saddle. Next went a rope around my sore, abused throat, this he fastened to one of the dangling metal circles that decorated his saddle. "An incentive to keep up," he explained, malevolent smile twisting his face. It took him but a moment to mount his stallion, then we rode away, deeper and deeper into the trackless forest.

That ride was absolutely horrible. I alternated between tears of fear and grief and shudders of cold and terror. The moon could not penetrate through the heavy, interlocking branches of the massive trees above us and a bitter wind moaned all around us, whipping my sodden clothes and causing my teeth to chatter. I had never been in the forest so late at night before and never so deeply in. Wild beasts roamed these woods, almost free, and the winter hunting of the Court did nothing to decrease their numbers. Every odd noise, every creaking branch, every rustle in the brush around me heralded the presence of a bear or mountain lion, ready to pounce and feed upon my flesh. At first I thought that was what Mykel had in mind, to take me somewhere and leave me as bait, but as the hours rolled on and he showed no signs of stopping, I gradually lost that fear. However, a thousand more rose to take its place. I had no idea what Mykel had in store for me, but I knew it would be unpleasant. He had despised me since birth and now was granted free reign with my welfare. I was under no illusions about what my fate would be; as soon as he tired of whatever amusements he had in store for me, I would meet with a tragic "accident."

The stars were fading in the sky by the time we reached our destination. My hands and feet were numb and my skin was blue with cold. A large red welt encircled my neck, at one point in the ride, Mykel had entertained himself by spurring his horse into a run, thereby choking me until my tired horse could catch up. I had no idea how much longer we would be, nor did I much care. Indeed the cold, exhaustion and debilitating fear had turned me into little more than an apathetic lump on my horse’s saddle, and so I was taken completely by surprise when, after a sharp bend in the small game-trail we had been following, a great stone home came into view in front of us. At first I was frightened further by its appearance, who else but a witch would live out here in the woods, far away from civilization, but at the sight of the warm light shining through the windows and the tendril of smoke curling out of the chimney, I forgot my apprehension in anticipation of warmth.

We were met at the door by a groom. Mykel dismounted, giving his reigns to the groom and then came to help me down, by the simple expedience of pushing me off. Since he hadn’t untied my hands from around the pommel, nor the rope from around my neck, my arms were nearly wrenched out of their sockets while being choked simultaneously. Mykel laughed as I coughed and only untied the rope from his saddle after I had begun to turn an alarming shade of plum. He removed my hands from the pommel and gestured to the groom to lead the horses away to the stable. Only once the servant was out of earshot did Mykel address me. "Welcome to your new home, sister," he said cordially, taking up the rope around my neck and leading me inside with it. "You’ll be living here for quite some time. Unfortunately, you won’t have any servants or friends here to stay with you...but I’m sure we can find something to keep you occupied." His tone was very odd, as if he had made a joke, one that I was supposed to understand.

Upon entering the house, we were greeted by a lushly endowed lady, with thick black hair and glittering, violet eyes. Her gown was of the plushest maroon velvet, cut so low that her breasts were nearly exposed. Diamonds glimmered everywhere, on her hands, her gown, at her ears and throat and even some nestled in her elaborate coiffure. "Mykel, darling, I’m so glad you could come," she purred in a deep, throaty voice. She sauntered over to him, slyly fingering her necklace, thereby drawing attention to her breasts, not that they needed the advertisement.

"Druscilla." Mykel greeted her coolly, but his eyes were aflame. "I have brought you a gift, to show you my unspeakable regards." He tugged on the rope that bound me and I ungracefully stumbled forward, nearly falling into the woman. "She isn’t much of a servant, but I expect you will have no difficulty training her to your whims. In fact, I’d appreciate it if you were at your most imaginatively cruelest." He gave her a half-smile. "I would look upon it as a...favor." Handing her the rope that ringed my neck, he laughed mockingly noting Druscilla’s distaste to hold anything so coarse. "Had I thought about it, I would have used silk, of course. Will you accept her anyway?"

Druscilla sank into a low curtsey. "You honor me, Majesty," she said in her throbbing contralto. "You know I would do anything for your royal favor." She smirked up at him, invitation written in every line of her body. It didn’t take a genius to figure out just who this woman was to my brother. Then she looked at me, and her eyes hardened. "A scruffy little ragamuffin, isn’t she?" she asked, her tone bored. "I shall have to clean her up before she is suitable." She clapped her hands once, bracelets and rings jingling and immediately three servants entered the room. "Bring the King some wine and refreshments," Druscilla commanded two of them. Then to the third, "Bring this little waif upstairs to Ayella; tell her the girl must be bathed and scrubbed thoroughly before she is returned to my presence. This chit is willful and spoiled, Ayella is to be very harsh with her." Turning back to Mykel, she batted her eyes and asked, "Was that what you had in mind, Majesty?"

"Exactly. I knew I could count on you, Druscilla." He sank into one of the luxuriant couches that decorated the room, holding his feet up. "Before they take her up to bathe," he continued, "have her remove my boots."

I stood where I was, still not grasping my new status. Druscilla, interpreting my confusion for defiance grabbed hold of my tender ear and gave it a vicious yank. "I see what you mean, Mykel," she said, still twisting. "I will enjoy breaking her. Now girl, when your King demands you do something, you do it, hear me?" Sobbing, I tried to nod, but even that small movement caused a fiery pain in my head. Satisfied, Druscilla let me go and I sank to the floor. Still crying, I struggled to pull off Mykel’s boots, but my sore, numb fingers were no match for the wet, rawhide knots.

Rolling his eyes in exasperation, Mykel kicked me away. "Never mind, she is obviously useless. Send her away."

Gesturing to her servant to do as the King commanded, Druscilla knelt before him. "Let me do this, Majesty," she smiled coyly. "I take it as an honor and a privilege to undress you."

The servant took up my leash and silently led me upstairs and down a long corridor. I was tired, but not so tired that I could not marvel at my surroundings. Druscilla was very rich indeed! Her floors were all marble, shot with veins of what looked to be pure gold. Alabaster pots adorned the hall, with leafy, dark green plants and exotic flowers. Tapestries decorated with cloth-of-gold, threads of silver and tiny gemstones abounded, and, though beautifully made, they all depicted dark, haunting images of pain and suffering straight out of a nightmare of sinister caverns and unnatural beasts. I was brought into a small antechamber there, the servant told me in a low, quiet voice to remain standing while he went to go get ‘Mistress Ayella.’ I nearly wept with fatigue, all my poor body wished to do was lay down somewhere and rest. Fortunately Druscilla’s house was warm enough that my thin nightclothes had dried some and I was no longer in danger of frostbite or hypothermia, but I was still cold and hungry and positively drained. The velvety carpets cradled my bare feet and I knew that if this Ayella did not arrive soon, I was going to fall asleep where I was and damn the consequences.

As if my thoughts had summoned her, Ayella appeared in the doorway. She was an old woman, with stringy gray hair and a wrinkled, craggy face. Her black, shapeless gown, nonetheless, was silk and she moved with dignity. Her eyes, however, matched Druscilla’s, cold, hard and uncaring. Her thin lips were pursed and she looked at me with undisguised disdain. "So, you are the haughty brat His Majesty has sent, hmm?" she asked, not expecting me to answer. "My Lady will have fun breaking your spirit, girl. She is a merciless one, my Lady is." Ayella’s face broke into a sour smile, and her voice warmed with pride. "You’ll learn obedience, just like the others." Turning abruptly she beckoned me to follow her into the adjoining room.

It was a bathing chamber, the most beautiful I had ever seen. Tiny jewelchips sparkled creating a mosaic on the floor, the ceiling and on each of the walls. The ceiling looked like the night sky, sapphires gleamed, while smoky quartz created wispy clouds, diamond stars shimmered and opal flecks formed a crescent moon. The walls were adorned with murals of the four seasons, and the floor below brought a forest to life. What once had been natural pond, fed by a hot spring, served in lieu of a bathtub, the sides and bottom covered in white brick. Steam rose from the surface and I yearned with all of my being to be able just to dive in and be warmed. Unfortunately, Ayella showed no signs of stopping to let me bathe. A small, wooden door, seemingly out of place amidst the grandeur of the chamber formed part of a tree trunk in the back of the room. Opening it, Ayella led me into a small room, little bigger than a closet. It was dark and low, though scrupulously clean. A wide copper tub sat in the exact center of the room, with a channel in the floor to let the used water drain away.

Once there, Ayella cut the ropes that bound my wrists and neck, and then handed a small iron bucket. "Go and fill this up from her Ladyship’s bath.

I was unsure exactly why I was supposed to do this. "But, there isn’t enough room in this pail to fill my bath with," I mentioned hesitantly.

"Then you’ll have to make several trips, then, won’t you?"

It took me a quarter of an hour to lug enough water to fill the copper bath to Ayella’s satisfaction. My back and arms screamed in pain, I was a princess, after all, and unused to doing physical labor. I never knew just how heavy a bucket of water could be, and I was in complete and utter sympathy for the chamber maids back at the Palace. Once the tub was full, I stripped and climbed gleefully into the tub. However, once inside, I discovered just how hot the water I had been lugging really was. It was a good thing I had been unable to carry a full bucket of water; the water was scalding hot and having it slosh all over me would have surely made me drop the bucket.

I screamed when the water touched my tender skin. As cold as I was, the water felt twice as hot. Ayella had no sympathy for me, however. Mercilessly, she dunked my head underwater, then pulled me back up, gasping and sputtering. Before I could get a chance to resume with another set of howls, she grabbed a scrub brush and proceeded to scour my entire body with it. The tough bristles left long, red weals in my delicate skin, and occasionally broke the surface and caused blood to well. Then she rubbed an astringent soap onto the brush and scrubbed me again. Every time I started to cry or make some noise of protest, Ayella pushed my head back under the water. At length, she pronounced my body clean, and set the scrub brush down. Weak with relief, I stood to get out.

"Just what do you think you’re doing?" she demanded harshly.

"Getting out. You said I was clean..." My voice trailed off into uncertainty. Ayella didn’t look as if she was getting ready to go anywhere.

"Your body is clean. Your hair is not. Sit down."

I sat back down, and Ayella brutally yanked my hairband out the sodden ponytail, pulling some hair out with it. She picked up the brush again and began scraping my scalp with it. That brush burned like fire! My hair was long and thick, untouched by scissors since the day of my birth, and it took Ayella a long time to get it as clean as she desired. More of the astringent soap was used on my head and dripped down into my face; and this time I welcomed the dunking I got when I screamed. At least it got that stinging soap out of my hair and eyes.

After that, Ayella allowed me to stand and get out of the tub. My flesh was reddened, both from the heat and from the pitiless scrubbing it had undergone. Long scratches lined my body, I looked as if I had been playing in a briarpatch. Ayella showed me how to empty the tub and then wordlessly handed me a towel to dry off with. It was stiff and coarse, made from cheap cotton and it irritated my skin all over. After I was dry, I wrapped the towel around myself and again followed Ayella. She had my nightgown and refused to return it to me, so I walked down the long corridor clad only in a towel that barely reached my thighs. I was grateful that I was only ten and my body had not yet begun its transformation into a woman; the protection offered by the towel was scanty enough.

We made our way to Druscilla’s bedchamber. Ayella knocked once, waited for permission to enter, then opened the door and pushed me in. Druscilla was at her vanity, brushing her long black hair, a self-satisfied smile on her face. Her jewelry had been removed and she had changed into a deep rose bathrobe, made of silk so sheer I could almost see her skin through it.

"Is he gone?" Ayella asked.

Druscilla rolled her eyes. "Yes, thanks be. He is so tiresome." She sniffed, and then her eyes met mine. "But I can forgive him tonight, since he was kind enough to bring me a new plaything. e knows of my distressing habit of breaking my toys before I’m done using them." She rose with the same sinuous grace she had displayed down in the receiving room. She sauntered towards me, smiling ferally when I shrunk away from her. "Look, she’s frightened!’ She gave a small, throaty laugh. "Don’t be frightened yet, darling. We haven’t even begun to play." Reaching out she caressed my cheek with the back of her hand, and then slapped me when I jerked my face away. Ayella placed both of her hands on the side of my head and held it immobile as Druscilla continued her perusal.

She cupped my chin, raising my face towards the light, examining me. She tore the towel out of my feeble grasp and inspected my body with the same lingering thoroughness she had my face. I didn’t know why, but the look on her face sent a more intense fear through me than I had known the entire night. "Soon," she whispered, more to herself than to me. "She still has the body of a child. But not for long." Then, she separated a waist-length lock of hair and scrutinized it. "A lovely color, like fire," she mused. "And a fine texture too. Silky and full, without being stringy." She wound the lock around her hand, forcing me to come closer. "I think I shall enjoy you, little Beryl. Much more than your idiot brother thought I would." She smiled down into my upturned face, then brought me forward and kissed me. Not gentle kiss, Clothilde had given me when I was small, but a full, hard kiss, mixed with passion and fury. Her tongue snaked into my mouth, and the pressure of her lips pushed mine against my teeth. In a moment it was over, and she sat back, contemplating. "Not bad. In a few more years Beryl, oh yes, in a few more years..." I didn’t find out what she meant then, because she turned away from me and addressed Ayella. "Shave her. I want the princess bald before she retires for the night." She smiled at my cry of shock. "Get her some clothes too. Can’t have her running around naked and risking temptation, now can we?"

I cried when Ayella cut my hair. She was unexpectedly gentle, but it didn’t matter. I had loved my hair, it had been my one vanity, my last remaining visible connection with my Papa and Druscilla had callously ordered it gone. She told me, as I sat, tears rolling down my cheeks, that she intended to make a pillow out of it. during the shaving, a servant entered, carrying a small bundle of cloth, the same material as the discarded towel. Even through my tears I saw how skittish the servant was around Druscilla, the barely controlled panic in his eyes when she moved towards him and how he nearly jumped when she touched him. When she finally dismissed the man from her room, she smiled at the haste with which he left. I wondered what she could have done to make him fear her so...and I wondered what she was going to do with me.

Finally the deed was done and I was indeed bald. My red locks lay in a careless pile on her floor. I was allowed to dress myself, in a thin cotton tunic and scratchy cotton pants. I had no shirt nor undergarments, and the coarse material chafed me terribly. Before I was allowed to retire, I had to pick up every strand of hair and place it into a bad Ayella held. When the floor was cleaned to her satisfaction, Druscilla nodded to Ayella. "You may show her to her room now. It is daylight and I am exhausted."

Bowing, Ayella dragged me out of the room, leaving her mistress to go to sleep. Again I was led down halls and stairs, this time to the kitchen. There, in an out of the way corner near the stove, was a thin straw pallet. Ayella shoved me towards it, and needing no encouragement, I dropped wearily down upon it. A ragged blanket was folded near the foot, and I wrapped it around myself. Fortunately, the stove retained some of its heat and, even though the kitchen was cold, I was not too uncomfortable. Once I laid down on the pallet, I was instantly asleep and knew nothing until later on that day.