This was originally posted to `rec.arts.prose', `alt.prose' and `alt.vampyres' in early '96 as a response to a seeming glut in the latter NG of some rather attrocious `all vampyres are just misunderstood and everyone is out to get them' stories combined with some particularly stupid and ill-informed comments glorifying Erszebet Bathori (Elizabeth Bathory), both the historical figure and the archetypal invention, an individual whose particular predilection I won't revisit here. Look her up if you feel a particular need to be sick. I conceived the following as both extremely obvious and intensionally very shallow but what was intended originally as a particularly sarcastic joke at the expense of the worst of those responsible for the aforementioned posts moved very quickly towards something much more serious and IMO far more worthy of effort. I had however, too much else to do at the time and as it's been several years it's unlikely ever again to be touched.