Notes (with spoilers):
1) Premiss:
Since I can't ever imagine doing more with this, here's some additional info. Some time in the near future of that universe vampyres gained control of Earth and for a space, non-initiate humans were slaves. Their's being an archetypal Judaeo-Christian reality, all the limitations expected of traditional western vampyres in such a universe applied (e.g. an inability to speak the true name of religious personages, aversion to garlic, religious symbols, holy water, no reflection (the reason Jerrin and Ferrazind believed the reflective properties of the shield to be magical, since there are no mirrors in the caverns) etc.) and the vampyric metaphysical mutation was homogeneus (i.e. there were no vampyric subspecies). The ruling imperial family, realising the danger in Judaeo-Christian worship, sought to stamp out all religion save their own, failing to realise that the moment of the death of the last Judaeo-Christian (perhaps a thousand years after the beginning of their rule) would signal the second coming and the beginning of Armageddon. The prologue details the end of that battle, when the followers of the White Lord (called that because in such a universe a vampyre daring to speak his true name, that of God etc. would be a particularly spectacular way to commit suicide) defeated their oppressors and took back their birthright. The whole thing was sketchy and shallow to the point of absurdity as in the beginning it was treated far from seriously and the entire thing was conceived and dashed off in a day. It's shift to a serious tale would have seen the background undergo very extensive revision had I bothered to continue.
Story Basis:
The story-proper is set in a sub-dimension, the known sum of which is the Caverns, to which the survivors of the losing side in the battle fled at its end. Just how the caverns came to be would have had to be determined but I suspect them to be a pseudo-reality created of the subconscious desires of the last surviving daughter of the founder of the original empire during the opening of the moon-gate. Thousands of years have passed and the respite the Vashar-Kindrêa (a corruption of `Vampyre Kindred') have gained by their escape is at last approaching its end as the waters rise and the habitable regions diminish. Further, the truth of the cavern denizens' biological relationship to humanity is known only by those few still living from the days of the defeat and the progression that sees all children born human but destined without exception for Vashar immortality is accepted as natural. Furthermore, the Vashar can be physically sustained by natural food but need blood to control the primal hunger that would eventually drive them into a frenzy without it. For this, animals are kept: it is immediate execution for any Vashar who would dare attack a child of the caverns. Only during initiation is this taboo relaxed and only under very controled conditions and by chosen vashar (family or (for an imperial child) the queen or the high priest or priestess).
The tale would have centred around Valînia, youngest daughter of the realm (a strange child with fair hair and blue eyes as opposed to the jet-black hair and jade-green eyes of every other cavern denizen) and the three peasant children central to her journey of discovery. Part 1 would have ended with their escape alone to the real world, and the story as a whole either in the caverns' (and the rest of their race's) final destruction or the four being their kind's salvation and return to humanity (in a very literal sense). In hidsight, a good deal more would have been needed to make it an engrossing story but IMO it could have been done, with care.
2) Terms and Language:
For the most part, cavern language remained the English of the time of the defeat, however, for the curious, the following derivations are included:
Term Derivation Cavern Meaning
-a Female suffix
-em Male suffix
-i Plural suffix
Angêla(/em) Hezhêsu
Angel of Jesus A mild curse if directed at a child but
progressively more insulting after each step
towards adulthood
Baþîra Batori The peninsula's name was a play on `Batori'
but the reference was a left-over from the
initial concept and would not have remained
Flêda(/em)-Vashar
Fledgling The time between adult initiation and proof
that the new Vashar can keep the primal side
of his/her nature in check. Those who cannot
are killed - there can be no rogue elements in
cavern society
Hevêni Heaven The domain of Hezhêsu
Hezhêsa(/em) demon (again, mild if directed at a child but
progressively more unforgivable after each step
towards adulthood)
Hevêni Zërêpha(/em)
Heavenly Seraph Some of the worst swearing a cavern denizen can
use (no doubt Rennia heard it from her brother
when very far from their parents' hearing.
Neither would have any real idea what it
meant - even Jerrin would really get it from
his parents for using this one)
Hezhêsu Jesus Supreme Vashar evil divinity (the word is a
corruption both to allow the Vashar to speak
the name without the word killing them and
intended to turn that name into something that
sounds harsh and evil; however in a strangely
dichotomous twist he is also considered the
guardian of the Waters of Life (which being a
river, of course no Vashar can cross) and so
feared and respected
Humêda-Kinêdra Human-kind To be re-conquered and returned to their proper
place as slaves when the Vashar retake their
rightful home etc. etc. (such a goal is as much
ritual now as anything else)
Infanda(/em) Infant Child from birth to ten years
Kërmla Carmilla Supreme vashar divinity (one of my sarcastic
digs at the particular A.V posters mentioned
above <come on, did you really expect a
corruption of Dracula?! That would really have
been obvious.> ^_^ This one might even have
survived a re-write)
Përflêda(/em): pre-fledgling The five or so years between childhood and
initiation (years 10 to 15 or so depending on
physical and mental maturity)
Sun-Time The twelve hours of light when a Vashar's
influence is limited. The term is a relic
from the past when the sun could kill a young
Vashar and even the most powerful were still
very limited even with the protection of an
amulet. There is no sun in the caverns but the
walls glow with magical sunlight for 12 hours
in every day which lets crops grow but cripples
all Vashar preternatural abilities
Terradêm Terra (Earth) Their former home (male because cavern
religion acknowledges it as the White Lord's
domain as a reminder of their failure)
Tie of Reaching A Vashar soul-link to an inanimate object that
lets a trained Vashar use it for spying or to
an animate lifeform in order to influence it at
a distance
Vashar Vampyre an adult cavern denizen (all save the oldest
have no concept of vampyrism as anything but
the final stage in the natural progression to
adulthood and know nothing of the word itself
or its negative connotations)
Veshêra(/em) Child of the imperial family (prince /
princess)
3) Religious matters:
Certain religious connotations within this work may at first glance seem unnecessarily offensive. I assure you that, although not myself a Christian, I intended no discourtesy to it in any shape sense or form. One only need read my other work to see that, although not an adherent, I regard it (and in particular Roman Catholicism) in general with a good deal of respect. To a Graeco-roman pagan who might take offense at my giving of Vesta's name to such an unmitigated termagant, I apologise. The goddess is, so far as I understand, a far gentler creature than the harpy portrayed here.
4) Inner meaning
There is none. The story itself is neither allegorical nor topical, both of which I tend to dislike. It does, however, express my views concerning the kind of changeless, soul-destroying immortality promised by vampyrism in any form. Is this a kind of allegory? Perhaps.
5)
Finally, as I said, I doubt I'll ever touch this again. If someone else feels they've the time and patience to give it a serious try, I'd be happy to talk about it. Just don't try pinching it - that's not particularly nice, will get me decidedly unhappy with you and is unlikely to earn you either friends or readers in the long run. Simply ask; at the worst a refusal means you can go off and create something entirely original of your own. At best it means someone might turn this into a tale worth the time I should perhaps have given it. Who can tell?
Craig (02-07-2000)