Note: This fic is based on events that happened at the end of Sailor Moon S and events expanded upon by the rest of the SME team. A tiny bit of artistic license was taken here and there, so please don't email me saying, "But it didn't happen that way in the anime!" I know some of it didn't. Consider it as an expansion on events.  - sherlyn

HOTARU  I

    The evil was within her. Huge and ponderous, it advanced, taking over her body with ease, then, inch by inch, her mind. The consciousness that was Hotaru fled from synapse to synapse.
    She could still sense, in the periphery, what was going on outside her body, but every single resource she still possessed was being used to run, to evade the ravenous evil. I can't -- run --much longer. Her consciousness screamed. Everyone -- Chibi Usa -- Father -- I -- want -- to protect-- protect…PROTECT EVERYONE! The consciousness hurled the words out.
    Somewhere, someone responded.
    The consciousness froze. Even the evil stopped its invasion, sensing that something new was happening.
    Deep within the core of the consciousness, a word bloomed.
    The word took up what was left of the consciousness, subsuming it within itself. Then -- in the next second -- it completely obliterated the evil, from the mind, then the body, burning it with a cold fierce fire that left purity in its wake.
    At last, Sailor Saturn opened her eyes. It was time to get the job done. The Silence was calling. A tiny piece of grief from Hotaru clamoured at the back of her mind. My friends, she mourned. Father. I'm sorry. But there's no other way... Princess, it will be up to you to send your love to everyone, to comfort them... You have my blessings...

REBIRTH

    Her first memories were of the sea, seen through the bars in her cot, sparkling in Tokyo Bay.
    She must have been pretty small then -- no more than seven, perhaps eight months old. She could still remember the comforting constraints of the swaddling cloths. She remembered feeling safe beyond words, in the world within her cot.
    A stranger entered the room, striding unerringly towards her and Hotaru's world expanded to include the newcomer in her universe. Huge violet eyes followed the tall woman as she strode closer and closer until she filled all room with her presence. Looking into those brilliant blue eyes, the baby felt a frisson of recognition spark deep within her mind. A name floated slowly up into her infant consciousness.
    Haruka. An image flashed across her mind for a moment. Bright, brave Haruka, running with the wind. Hotaru gurgled, inordinately happy with herself for matching the face with the name.
    Pleased, the baby stretched her tiny arms upward towards to the stranger -- Haruka -- who obligingly extended a single long finger to the waving fists.
    Hotaru grabbed it. Small perfect fingers clenched the finger and the unexpected strength of her grasp won a genuine, if surprised, smile from her new prisoner.
     Preoccupied with this new human contact, the infant did not notice the entry of a second stranger until she appeared next to Haruka. She had appeared like a water sprite, coming out of nowhere to lean in close over the cot. Taken with the new arrival of this second person, Hotaru allowed Haruka to reclaim her finger as she stared at the new stranger with curiosity.
    This time, recognition came much faster. This was Michiru, born of the sea and the music. Michiru, who was inseparable from her love. After all, where Haruka was, Michiru could not be too far behind. Besides, there weren't too many people with turquoise hair walking around. The baby beamed at them both.
    "Hello Hotaru," Michiru smiled and bent over to press a soft kiss on the baby's petal-soft cheek. Tears glimmered in her eyes as she straightened and cupping the small face with a gentle hand, she whispered another, different, name in a caught, half-strangled breath.
    "Saturn."
    Soft as she'd been, the word seemed to sound extraordinarily loud in Hotaru's ears. All other sensory input faded, leaving it hanging, strangely familiar, in her mind. It brought a tinge of unhappiness. A vestige of resolve. Of pain. And yet, there was a sense of rightness about the name. Despite the unremembered memories of pain, of unhappiness, the overriding sensation the word conjured was… hers…
    It was twined into the very fabric of her soul.
    Something deep within the core of Hotaru flared with a fierce exultance for a brief moment before fading into a more general aura of peace. Floating in a half-remembered state of memories, a sudden wave of sleepiness came over her. Blinking a little, the baby Saturn relaxed against the pristine white covers of her blankets, with a faint smile on her face.
    She yawned and closed her eyes. Cradling her newly remembered identity, Hotaru, nee Sailor Saturn, slept.

***

    Hovering beside the now sleeping child, Haruka watched intently as Michiru busied herself with smoothing Hotaru's covers more snugly into place and tucking the small bolsters next to her. Looking at the tiny, innocent face, a riot of feelings rushed over her. Regret, guilt, anger and sorrow besieged her.
    Saturn. Here. Again. But this time, she has turned up as an infant. She could hardly credit it herself, had she not seen the princess rush into the depths of destruction and walk out with the black-haired baby in her arms. More indisputably, there was the Saturn sigil that had blazed upon the infant's forehead.
    Haruka stretched out her hand and, with a feather-light finger, gently traced the outlines of the now vanished sigil on the child's forehead. Hotaru's long dark lashes barely stirred.
    Her heart ached with an unnamed dread.
    It wasn’t that she feared that this new Saturn would take umbrage at their willingness to sacrifice her, Haruka thought, her eyes darkening. She would stand by her decision, to sacrifice – to kill her – if it could save the world.
    But the world was saved, along with Saturn, thanks to their newly found moon princess. The danger was averted, the evil banished and Hotaru could start life on a new slate. But so could Saturn. A cold, logical thought interrupted. Saturn, with the Glaive of Silence. Saturn, with the power to destroy worlds. The senshi of the wind bit down hard on her lower lip, nearly drawing blood.
    Is that what I fear, then? That this little baby will awaken and once again take up the Glaive and bring the ultimate Silence to the world? Could Serenity stop her the next time? Would she want to? Dear gods, how many times must I fight against my sister senshi? I owe her too much already.
    Her hand trembled. Clasping it against her chest, she made her hand into a fist. I can’t. Once is too often. With evil lodged in her body, she fought to win free. She willingly walked into the depths of evil to destroy it in the final sacrifice. She proved her worth as a senshi, as a protector of good, even though I had condemned her from the first. I can’t do it again. Haruka looked down upon the sleeping baby, her nails pinching the soft flesh of her pain as she clenched her fist even tighter.
    Standing there, before the cot, the great blue ocean glittering in the distance, Haruka stood in a plain white shirt and casual pants, and swore silently to herself in a formal oath that had nothing to do with ceremony and everything to do with heartache. I will make it up to you, I swear. Somehow. Having sworn her private oath, the tension within Haruka relaxed and seeped away. Slowly, her fist unclenched. Blood rushed back into her fingers.
    Looking across the sleeping child at Michiru, Haruka said wryly, "Well, it seems we have a new member among our ranks."
Her partner tilted her head aside in consideration, her hand stilling upon the pale lavender coverlet. "Are you sure?"
    Haruka nodded and her hand stole down to rest upon Hotaru’s head. "Yes," she said, caressing the baby's soft petal-like cheeks. "Yes," she repeated firmly.
    Michiru smiled at her partner. Drawing her along towards the door, she smiled impishly and said, "If you’ve really made up your mind, then come along to help me draw up a list. We’ve a lot of shopping to do. We'll need to get more diapers and baby food. Hotaru would need a lot of clothes, and bottles and toys--"
    "And we have to put baby seats in our cars, and a pram…" Haruka interrupted, a faint twinkle starting to gleam in her eyes. "Baby wheels!"
    "Whoa," Michiru smiled. "Slow down. She still has to go back to her father, remember?"
    "Yes, but the professor will take some time to recover, and besides, I'm sure he wouldn't have any of Hotaru's old baby things. So, we might as well go out and get everything all at once," argued Haruka.
    "That's true…" Michiru looked thoughtful, then the green haired girl began to laugh. "But I never thought I'd see the day when you insist on doing more shopping than you absolutely have to," she finished with a predatory grin.
    Haruka winced at the look in Michiru's eyes. Holding open the door, she told her partner, "Come on, then." Standing at the threshold of the door, the two senshi turned back in unison for another look at the newest addition to their group.
    "We’ll take care of you," Michiru promised gently. Haruka remained silent, but a smile grow on her face and in her eyes, the beginnings of a hard-found peace dawned. In her mind, she echoed Michiru's words. Yes, we'll take care of you.

***

    It was the sixth day since they brought Hotaru home. By now, Haruka and Michiru had settled into a semblance of order within their little household. Things were made very much easier for the two inexperienced women, as Hotaru turned out to be an extremely amiable baby who weathered the small little incidents with a happy smile.
    That day, Haruka had just finished giving Hotaru a bath, and Michiru had vanished to get some powder.
Emerging from the bathroom, Michiru complained, "Look at the state the bathroom is in! There's water everywhere! You aren't washing a car, you know."
    Haruka simply smiled complacently. Picking Hotaru up from the bed, she gently rubbed noses with the infant who squealed with joy. "We were taking a bath together, weren't we, Hotaru?" she murmured, breathing in the clean baby smell deeply. "Yes, we smell good now."
    The clean, shining skin, which was still glowing from the bath, bore mute testament to her statement.
    Michiru sighed in resignation and handed Haruka the baby powder. "Well, hurry up and dress Hotaru. We don't want her catching cold. I'm going to get her milk for the afternoon feeding," the pretty senshi warned as she went back out again.
    "Yes, ma'am!" Haruka knocked off a mock salute. Putting Hotaru back on the bed, she began the arduous task of getting recalcitrant little arms and legs into the cute little playsuit. "There, all done," she smiled, picking the child up again. "It’s back into the cot for you, young lady."
    Tucking Hotaru under one arm, Haruka strolled into the living room where they'd set up a temporary play cot for the infant. She deposited the baby back into the cot just as Michiru came out of the kitchen with a bottle in hand.
    "That was fast," Michiru commented.
    Haruka grinned. "I'm getting good at this," she boasted, blue eyes glinting with good humor.
    Michiru was about to make a tart reply to this bit of hubris when there was a knock on the door. Michiru quickly bent to pick Hotaru up from the cot and sat quietly on the couch. Holding the child protectively close, she looked at the door, then towards Haruka. She nodded.
    Moving noiselessly, Haruka walked towards the door. As she stood before it, the knock sounded again.
    "Haruka? Michiru?" The slightly muffled voice of Usagi floated through the door. "It's me, Usagi. Are you home? Please open the door. Why won't you see us?"
    The young moon princess knocked again. "Please," she pleaded softly, "We're all on the same side, aren't we? Why are you avoiding me?"
    The silence grew longer within the house.
    There was a final soft knock on the door, then all was quiet on the other side of the door as well.
    "She's gone," said Haruka calmly, turning back and returning to Michiru's side. She sat down with a sigh, taking Hotaru into her arms as she did so.
    "She came by at least four times this week," noted Michiru calmly.
    "Maybe she will give up soon." But the expression on the taller girl's face held no such hope.
    "Perhaps. But how much long can we go on avoiding her?" Michiru asked pragmatically. "After all, she is the moon princess."
    "It'll be easier once we move. I've already spoken to the decorators and they've agreed to speed things up." With a deliberate effort to change the mood in the room, Haruka lifted the little girl higher and cuddled her in her arms. Hotaru squealed happily. "I'll be glad to go," she insisted lightly.
    Following Haruka's lead, Michiru teased her partner with a gentle jab. "Are you sure it isn't just because you're sore at them for succeeding?"
    "Careful, I'm carrying Hotaru-chan here." She yelped, quickly shifting Hotaru to her lap. She played idly with the gurgling Hotaru for a few moments. Michiru waited patiently and was soon rewarded with a reply from her partner.
    "Maybe on some level, there was something…." Haruka finally admitted with a faint tinge of embarrassment. Then she quickly sobered. "But it isn't just that. I am glad she managed to save the world without having to sacrifice anyone. How could I not be?" she smiled, ruffling the short curls on Hotaru's head. Pressing an affectionate kiss on the baby's cheeks, she quieted for a moment, savoring the sweet baby scent.
    Sighing a little, Haruka straightened again, and took up the conversation. Bumping the child on her knees absently, the woman said soberly. "I am worried about the future. More enemies may come, stronger ones. I'm not sure she has the will... I don't doubt that she is a much better person than I am. But what about the strength of will, the ability to lead? Does she have the strength to make hard decisions? Will people follow her? All those, oh, I worry tremendously.
    "Will her own kindness lead her to trouble?" Haruka asked the air.
    Michiru leaned in close and laid her head onto Haruka's shoulders. "But she is, after all, our princess," she pointed out.
    "I know. You're right. We can't let this drag on. Usagi must prove that she is capable of leading us."
    "And just how exactly is she suppose to do that?"
    Haruka smiled grimly, "The old fashioned way."
    Understanding dawned in Michiru's eyes. "Agreed. But first, we have to attend to something just as important," she said softly, her eyes darkening as she looked down at the baby Hotaru.

***

    Michiru sat in the passenger seat, sunglasses perched on her nose, hiding her brilliant green eyes. Long hair, just a shade deeper than her eyes streamed behind with the force of the wind. She stared out at the scenery speeding past without noticing a thing. Already, she felt a deep sense of loss without the familiar weight of the baby in her arms.
    Strange how soon I'd become used to Hotaru's presence. She was only with us for a few weeks, Michiru admonished herself. And to think that I was the one who insisted on returning Hotaru to her father. Who would believe it if they saw me now. She mocked herself bitterly.
    Blinking away the traitorous moisture gathering in her eyes, Michiru shifted in her seat to look at Haruka.
    Clear blue eyes hidden by a pair of sunglasses, the only indication of Haruka's feelings was the speed at which she drove. All the anguish she'd felt in the first few days when they brought Hotaru home were now safely hidden away from prying eyes. Even from me. Michiru thought in despair as she stared at the calm set profile. Was I wrong to insist on giving Hotaru back? I know she actually wanted to keep Hotaru with us for good, even through she eventually agreed that Hotaru needs her father more. Will Haruka ever forgive me if anything happens to her?
    For that matter, am I doing the right thing in returning Hotaru to Professor Tomoe? I know Usagi wouldn't save an evil man -- but she is so soft-hearted. Of course, he did try to make reparations for his deeds in the end -- but what if he turned evil again? Michiru closed her eyes against the thought. Please, let this be the right decision, she prayed.
    Finally, she opened her eyes again. Shifting her weight towards the car door, she tucked an errant lock of hair behind her ear and looked pensively at Haruka.
    As if she had felt the weight of Michiru's gaze, Haruka looked away from the road for an instant. "Missing her already?" she asked gently.
    Michiru laughed ruefully. "Yes," she admitted, with a tint of tears in her eyes. "Just don't say you told me so."
    "Okay, I won't. Let's talk about something just as depressing," As she finished speaking, her foot pressed harder on the accelerator.
    "The princess?"
    "The princess," Haruka grimly agreed, her eyes fixed upon the road ahead.
    "What is there to talk about? We find her and challenge her to a fight. If she wins, all's well and good. If she doesn't, we'll take Hotaru and her father and move far, far away." Michiru shrugged. "I hear that Greece is very nice this time of year. I haven't been there before. Have you?"
    "Once. It's a pretty place," her partner conceded.
    "That's nice." Michiru looked out of the scenery and fell silent again.
    The two girls did not talk again until the car screeched to a stop in front of what was formerly the Infinity Academy.
    The once proud school grounds were now a wasteland. The once shining plaque that had proclaimed its name to the world now tilted sadly against the remains of the school gate. Looking at their old school, Michiru thought she could hear the sound of her ex-schoolmate's voice drifting in the air. She shook her head sadly.
    "This is it. Whether Usagi is able prove she is worthy, will depend on what happens today," Haruka said heavily, with the air of someone longing to get it over with. "Let's do it."
    "All right," said Michiru briefly.
    The two senshi got out of the car. As they turned towards the gutted buildings, the sound of the car doors slamming shut sounded hollowly within the destroyed grounds of the Infinity Academy.

***

    In the end, Usagi won them over in her own inimitable way.
    As they rose from the ground after swearing their oaths to the young moon princess, Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune turned to leave.
    "Wait!" Sailor Moon called out from behind them. "But what about Hotaru?"
    Sailor Uranus looked back and smiled. "Don't worry. You'll see her one day."
    "One day?" repeated Sailor Moon, a small frown furrowing her brow. She glanced at her friends, but the rest of the Inner senshi looked just as confused. She turned back to the two outer senshi, meaning to protest. "But--" Sailor Moon stopped. The two senshi were already gone.
    Makoto shook her head. "Even when they've lost, they're still so…" words fail the tall senshi of Jupiter as she considered the space where the two outer senshi had been.
    "Stuck-up," Minako completed the sentence for her, arms crossed in front of her chest. A tiny grin escaped from the corners of her lips.
    "Arrogant," pronounced Rei firmly, brushing a lock of hair away from her face.
    "Independent?" offered Ami tentatively.
    The four senshi turned to look at Sailor Moon and face-faulted.
    The young girl was twirling her long ponytail between her fingers and looking longingly at the spot where they last saw the outer senshi. "They're so cool," she sighed.
    Sweatdrops grew over the three other senshi's head. "Never mind," muttered Rei. "We'll probably see them again soon enough. Even Saturn."

***

HOTARU II

    All of her life, Tomoe Hotaru knew she was special.
    It wasn't just the fact that she could remember things that happened to her when she was young, or that she was an exceptionally good student, soaking in facts and theories the way dry roots soak in water.
    It wasn't even the fact that she grew, from a tiny baby to a fourteen-year-old, in the span of months, although she soon found out from the people around her that this was not the usual growth pattern for children.
    Nor was it that she knew some of the most exceptional people in the world. From Haruka and Michiru, who were frequent visitors to the home she shared with her father, to the band of five teenage girls who were among the most powerful people in the world, to two talking cats, Hotaru moved around in an exalted circle.
    But even that wasn't what made Hotaru feel that she was something more than the others.
    After all, the world famous race-car driver, Ten'ou Haruka, (whose other identity would startle her fans) was the same Haruka who'd brought her candy and toys when she was young, and took her and Michiru, and occasionally, her father, out on long drives when she was older. And Usagi, arguably one of the most powerful person on earth and a reincarnated moon princess to boot, was the occasionally clumsy and perpetually latecomer who'd laugh and made her feel good about herself.
    More than that, it was the feeling that there was something waiting for her. Hotaru felt a gap within her, as if something was missing and she but had to reach out -- to do something. Her gifts, and talents, and power were just tools for her to use in the fulfillment of that ultimate goal set in front of her, to make herself whole. The fact that, like the rest of the senshi, she possessed powers of a supernatural nature only made the feeling stronger.
    What this missing thing was, or what her destiny would bring, Hotaru had no idea, but the feeling that she was supposed to be ready for something persisted. This feeling continued, despite the battles they had fought, and the enemies they defeated. Now, with the new -- and, Hotaru feared, strongest -- enemy approaching, the feeling had intensified.
    Memories whirled through her mind, chasing one another and coalesced into the same inevitable conclusion.
    They had been on a tour around Europe when the news of the ice attacks reached them, Haruka, Michiru and herself.
    For once, the attacks were not centered around Japan but in the northern reaches of Norway. Haruka and Michiru were the first to know of the new invaders. The two older women alerted her and together they attempted to take out the invaders.
    Now, sitting at home, absently watching her father potter around his small laboratory, Hotaru could not help wondering whether they should have informed the Inner senshi then. Perhaps things would have been different if they had been around from the start, thought Hotaru pensively, feeling the tiniest stab of guilt at the feeling. All that Outer Senshi pride...
    Images from the first battle flashed across Hotaru's mind. Michiru had consulted her Mirror and they'd flown to the frozen continent, the Arctic, with Haruka at the controls. Thinking back, the Arctic had a stark beauty that still caught Hotaru's heart even now, despite the terror and destruction she had witnessed -- and inflicted -- there.
    Vast expanses of snow and ice colored with infinite shades of blue and white and the occasional jade green brings visitors under its dazzling spell for the few, brief hours of daylight. But it was the Arctic at night that held a seductive allure for the senshi.
    On clear, fine nights, the moon and the stars cast a thin veil of light down onto the snow, which reflects it back in an unearthly glory. Standing on the quiet plain of snow, the light-speckled skies above her, the pale girl felt as though she was glowing from within. Only the ocean, dark and unfathomable against the pallor of the snow, and the unpredictable winds bringing gusts of snow, broke the silence.
    There, alone with the snows and the ocean, Hotaru felt a strange peace -- a sense of homecoming -- although this place was alien to her.
    There, she came closest to feeling complete.
    But the Arctic was not all beauty. In their first week there, they had stumbled across an ice encased American expedition, their faces still visible in a rictus of horror and fear through the ice they were encased in.
    She had transformed back to plain Tomoe Hotaru and tried to bring these people back, but to no avail.
    In those early days, they had no idea what would be in store for them…

***

    Angry at what they'd found, they had gone on their first foray into the enemy's camp with anger powering their attacks. They met with overwhelming success. Their arrival had caught the ice demons completely off-guard and the combined might of Sailor Uranus, Sailor Neptune and Sailor Saturn had demolished the small ravine and all the demons within it.
    Still high on their victory, the ease at which they had defeated the ice demons had made them complacent. Hotaru could still remember Uranus joking that they should have brought their skis with them and made it a skiing holiday since they were there.
Uranus had spoken too soon.
    Although they had been careful, although no ice demon survived the first, crushing attack, by the third morning of their victory, Sailor Saturn had risen cold-eyed from her bed with a screaming premonition of death and cold.
    Two hours later, the first major wave of ice demons descended upon them.
    Thanks to her premonition, they had been ready -- barely -- for the attack. With Sailor Uranus and Neptune guarding the flank and Sailor Saturn wielding her Glaive, the senshi unleashed widespread destruction upon the ice demons.
    Finally, after a short day and half the night, the senshi finished decimating the last of the demons. Collapsing where they stood, the three could barely find enough strength to regroup and fall back.
    After the lesson that the ice demons had taught, they had adopted caution and patience. With sufficient rest and planning and Sailor Neptune monitoring the ice demons' activities, the senshi had managed to hit and destroy two other camps.
    However, even as they met with limited success, the enemy had not been idle, grouping and forming defensive and offensive initiatives. By then, they had reached the conclusion that someone, or some thing, was creating these monsters and -- worse -- creating them at a faster rate than they could handle.
    Desperate to destroy this new threat before it spread, the senshi launched an all out assault. But the ice demons proved to be far too numerous. With the sheer weight of numbers on their side, they managed to turn every attack that Uranus had come up with. The last attack, a last ditch effort, came closest to success.
    Uranus and Neptune had lured most of the ice demons into an ice ravine and trapped them with a carefully triggered avalanche before letting loose with the full extent of their powers. Caught between the ice wall and the full fury of the Space-Sword wielding Sailor Uranus and the equally deadly Sailor Neptune, hundreds of ice demons were killed. But still, more came to take their place.
    Taking advantage of the distraction that the duo had provided, Saturn then sneaked into the enemy camp to take out the leaders. Within the austere confines of the camp, she saw rows and rows of seemingly comatose people, dying as they did something to create these demons. As many as a dozen died, even as she stood watching in the shadows. Similarly hooded figures came to cart the dead away. Dumped in an unceremonious manner in a corner, no one seemed to notice the dead or dying as more figures came up to take the places left empty by the dead.
    Shaken by the callousness of the invaders to their own kind, she slipped away from the chambers in search of the leaders but despite her caution, the numerous sentries soon spotted her.
    In the end, she barely managed to escape the swarming ice demons that seem to appear out of nowhere. With that last failure, even Uranus was forced to concede defeat and the senshi returned to bring warning to the rest. Warning to get their defenses in place before it was too late.
    And now, finally, the invaders were here.

***

    In the desolate streets of downtown Osaka, Sailor Saturn swung her Glaive in a quick economical movement, effectively disemboweling the demon. Sensing another attack coming her way, she dodged adroitly, missing the blow that would have encased her in ice.
    Reinforcements had arrived. Unfortunately, they weren't hers. Furious, she created an instant barrier with her Silence Wall. A heartbeat later, several blasts caromed into her shield.
    Damn! How many of them are there, anyway? the Senshi of Destruction and Rebirth thought furiously. With a calm that is at odds with her anger, Sailor Saturn, cooling, extended her shield, concentrating on its creation. She was taking no chances, Haruka would be furious with her if she got herself killed. A barrage of blasts hit her shield.
    The Outer Senshi had fled from the Arctic with the packs of ice demons at their heels. Unwilling to bring the battle straight to their princess and the rest of the Inner Senshi, Haruka had grimly decided not to return to Tokyo, for fear that the enemy would be able to sense the presence of the Inners and bring them to its attention.
    They'd all agreed, scattering to the different provinces of Japan. Bright, fuku-clad distractions, trying to prevent the enemy from attacking that most important person, the heart and soul of the senshi.
    Another barrage of attacks hammered against her shield. One of them completely missed and hissed past her with a deadly whine. The slender senshi knit her brows together and prepared herself for an all out attack.
    All of a sudden, she heard a long drawn out scream amid the crashes and explosions. The scream, redolent of pain and fear, cut though every sound within hearing. Sailor Saturn half-turned and stared in horror at the sight that greeted her eyes.
    A blast -- the one that had missed -- had hit a man cowering over a young woman holding a baby. Meant for the Senshi, the attack had the force of a ten-ton demolition ball.
    Sailor Saturn watched on helplessly in her own shield, as time seemed to slow down. She watched the young man's body being flung back to the wall like a rag doll she had when she was young, his body stiffening into a block of ice even as he flew through the air.
    He was frozen solid when his body hit the wall.
    The impact shattered his upper body and the pieces flew like shrapnel, slicing into the young woman and the baby she carried. The cries of anguish rang through the air. One of the fragments, pieces of the man, hit her barrier; it slid to the ground, with the young woman's blood still dripping off it. The man's frozen eye stared unblinking. For an insane moment, it seemed to the senshi that the eye was crying tears of blood.
    The cries still reverberating in her ears, Sailor Saturn turned back to face the ice demons. They were still blasting against her shield. A small distant part of her noted clinically that her shield would not hold long. She ignored it. All she could hear was that long drawn out scream that began moments, an eternity, ago.
    {Destroy. Destroy them all,} the words rebounded in her head, mingling with the scream in her ears to form a litany of flames. Unasked, unwilled, power welled up in Sailor Saturn, filling her with a dark smoldering power.
    Sometimes, she truly hated herself. Hated the restraints that bind her and made her helpless. She wished vehemently that she could be like Haruka or Rei, free to use her power to the fullest. She wanted desperately to be able to annihilate all the demons.
    She could not, _would_ not, unleash her most destructive attack -- her own self-restraint was too strong to let her, for to do so would destroy the world and all her friends in it. But she would make them pay.
    Unlike most of the senshi, Saturn had slowly learned the source and extent of her powers and weapon with every battle. The sharpest Japanese sword in the world had nothing on the Glaive when it came to the cutting edge. It had been made to separate life from anything living, to lift existence from reality and into the ultimate Silence. She learnt that, through the Glaive, she could call upon enough power to unmake the entire solar system if she wished. More, she had learnt control.
    Now, the power grew steadily in uneasy ebbs and flows, filling her with an intoxicating silence. When she judged it sufficient; Sailor Saturn dropped her shield and said, without any emotion in her voice,
    "Go to hell."
    Moments later, Sailor Saturn stood alone on the desolate streets of downtown Osaka.
    Wearily, she bent and picked up the eye, still frozen, still crying tears of blood. "I avenged your death," she told it. It seemed appropriate somehow, she wanted to let it know the demons that dealt death to him and his did not go unpunished. After all, it was because of her that it got separated from its owner. She was so tired. Tired of the unending battle, the constant fight. Her hands dealt out death and destruction to the demons and to any unfortunate person who happened to be near her. Easier to stop feeling. Just... bury everything under a cold unfeeling blanket... She gently placed the eye back down on the ground and looked around.
    Just then, a movement caught her eye. Saturn blinked. It wasn't a mirage. Movement!
    She dashed to the still, pathetic figure lying on the ground. Ignoring the pain in her side, she dropped her Glaive on the ground, knelt and gently lifted the baby out of her mother's embrace. She cradled the child in her arms, brushing soft, down-like hair away from the baby's face.
    Aside from a few cuts, the baby was unharmed; her mother's body had sheltered her from the worst. Sailor Saturn blinked back tears. "Hush, hush, it's going to be all right." She crooned to the baby, instinctively rocking the little child then spared a glance for the mother. Even in her very last moments, the mother had curled up to protect her child as much as possible.
    Looking at the woman, she saw a flicker at the young mother's throat. A pulse. How could anyone be alive after being sliced to ribbons? She wondered amazedly as she turned her attention to the mother. Focusing, she thought grimly, You're not going to die on me. Not today if I have anything to do with it.
    Sailor Saturn began to concentrate on the process of untransforming, then stopped. Her own personal healing powers as Tomoe Hotaru were not strong, even at the best of times, tiring her to a terrific degree. Now, in her tired and weakened state, even if she used the last iota of her strength, she might still be unable to save the young mother.
    However, there was another option. She had never tried this other side of her destructive powers. If the destruction she could unleash with such staggering scale came from the Great Silence, then this other power, its opposite, came from the Song.
    The Silence and the Song formed the dichotomy of her powers, upon which she balanced. Until now, she had only used the destructiveness of her station and not the life-giving, the creation side which balanced it. Intuitively, Saturn knew that the consequences of creation were far more far-stretching than the destruction. She also knew that in her present condition, to use that power would be to kill her.
    Still, she might die anywhere. Better to make my death worth something, the senshi thought, the beginnings of a strong resolute calm forming within her. A final, life-giving present, rather than more death. My life, such as it is, for hers and the child's. That is more than fair.
    Settling down next to the grievously injured woman, Sailor Saturn began the long and tiring process of healing to bring the young mother to life. She began to sing.

***

    Finally, Sailor Saturn fell silent. She slumped down, her face a deathly white. Her reserves drained, Sailor Saturn was perilously close to her limits. Unable to remain conscious, she finally slipped over the edge and fell into the blessed darkness.
    Time passed, and she awoke to find herself still lying beside the woman. Unable to move, she simply waited beside the baby and closed her eyes.
    Soft whimpering roused her. It was the baby making her discomfort known. A corner of her mouth lifted in momentarily amusement. Ah, She thought philosophically. War rages on, battles come and go, but babies always comes first. Summoning the remnants of her strength, she healed the child of the cuts on her hand and face. She winced as the baby gurgled and tugged at her hair, too weary to protest the treatment. An unappreciative patient and a healer who cannot heal herself, she thought, propping herself up with an elbow. There must be some deep message or meaning in this.
    Then, smiling softly to herself, she simply laid back and watched as the baby's eyes lightened from black to purple.
    "Good luck, little one, and prosper," she whispered as she gently caressed the little child. She watched as the baby fell into a deep restorative sleep like her mother and smiled somewhat wryly at the Saturn sigil glowing at the child's forehead."You'll need every bit of luck you can get."
    Slowly, using the Glaive as a crutch, she managed to stumble to her feet. Looking down at the sleeping mother and child, she silently gave them her last benediction. Sailor Saturn then limped away into the night.

***

    She finally reached her destination. A secluded park, where she, Haruka and Michiru, had spent many happy weekends picnicking.
    There, in the far corner of the park, was a tree that Haruka had said was more than 300 years old.
    She loved the tree as a child, and as an adult, had spent time sitting under its shade, contemplating. She had always thought it would be a good place to die.
    She sank down tiredly, leaning against the trunk for support. She had never felt so exhausted, so empty, before in her life. A tiny part of her mourned, that she would never be able to explore and find that missing part within herself. But mainly, she was only to glad to close her eyes in that -- she hoped -- final sleep.
    "Goodbye, Haruka, Michiru, Setsuna. Goodbye," she said softly, hoping that the winds will carry her words to the people she loved. It was her last and perhaps only regret. That she could not spend more time with them. But she had more than her fair share of friends, and good company. When you come right down to it, my life hasn't been completely in vain. That has to be enough.
    Hotaru curled up under the vast tree and closed her eyes.

***

REUNIFICATION

    A moment, or perhaps an eternity later, Hotaru opened her eyes, "That's that," she sighed with a slightly pensive air. She looked around her new surroundings. She was alone in a grey featureless plain. The grayness seemed to stretch to infinity. Looking down, she could see her reflection staring back from a floor of black glass.
    "I thought hell would be a lot worse than this," Hotaru remarked to herself idly. Cupping her hands around her mouth, she yelled into the vast emptiness, "Anyone here?
    "Hello?"
    Her yell echoed through the vast expanse. It hung in the air for a moment before dying away.
    As if in response to her shout, points of lights slowly materialized, shimmering in the air and before joining together to form a hazy outline of a figure. More streamers of light appeared, like bright ribbons hanging in the grayness for a brief instant.
    To Hotaru's dazed eyes, it was like watching a bright version of her Death Reborn Revolution, but without the death and destruction that comes with it. As Hotaru watched on, tears began to form in her eyes. The sheer beauty of it had touched the very core of Hotaru's being. Somehow, she knew that this was what her powers could be, in another world, in another life. The wondrous light grew in strength and slowly the figure began to take on solidity. Details of the figure grew and sharpened until Hotaru was able to make out a softly glowing woman dressed as Sailor Saturn.
    As Hotaru looked on, the woman's features shifted and merged, forming the appearance of yet another woman for a moment before changing again. Hotaru watched in awe as the figure grew and shrank in size, as the faces flowed into another and another for an uncountable number of times. Two things remained constant in the changing figure. It was always a woman and it was always dressed as a Sailor Saturn.
    All the women had a certain familiarity about them. It was as if she had known them before and yet Hotaru was certain that she has never met any of them before.
    Finally, the transformations began to slow. The figure was now a woman in her early thirties. Keen grey eyes stared at Hotaru and the figure spoke for the first time.
    "Greetings, Hotaru," the woman greeted in a clear contralto voice. "I am -- was -- the first Sailor Saturn. You are here now, because this is where all Saturn Senshi come to, after their deaths. All of us Sailors Saturn had carried within ourselves the seeds of destruction, to be used as the very last defense. But it is the seeds of creation, of love, that prompt us to serve, in death, as we had in life. Just as you had chosen."
    The woman fell silent and the figure shifted again. This time, it was a younger woman that spoke.
    "We serve, by giving our memories, our knowledge that we had accrued when we lived to the current Saturn Senshi, as and when it is needed. You yourself used our memories when you were alive. And now you will offer *your* memories together with ours to those that come after in an unbroken chain of thoughts and feelings and love."
    The figure changed and the next woman that appeared smiled gently at Hotaru, "You used my memories when you destroyed your first youma. And you used yet another sister's memories to know all that happened when you were reborn. We offered, freely, to give all the information we have. Our knowledge was yours to use when you needed it."
    Her face merged to form another Senshi who continued, "When a Saturn Senshi dies, her knowledge, skills and memories join the others as a legacy to the next Senshi, to be used when needed. The present Senshi takes that knowledge as pure information, without any of the emotions felt during that memory. That is an instinctive action. As Sailor Saturn, you have the accumulated memories all past Saturn Senshi had to give. Now, it is your turn to bring knowledge to the next Saturn in line."
    The figure changed for a last time, to an image of a young girl with dark hair and violet eyes.
    "I've waited and waited for you to come. And now, finally, you are here. Now, we will finally be together" the figure smiled at Hotaru. It was... herself.
    Hotaru stared at the figure in a daze. She could hardly believe her eyes, it was herself at age 14 right down to the faint scars that were part of her father's work. Hands trembling, she reached out to touch the slight figure, to reassure herself that this was no grotesque nightmare or hell.
    Her younger self, still glowing with that strange light smiled with understanding and grasped the proffered hand firmly.
    At first, nothing happened. Hotaru was beginning to feel somewhat foolish. She smiled rather awkwardly at her younger self, at a loss for what to say. What do you say to yourself? Their hands still grasping each other, the two Hotarus stood there, uncertain of their next moves.
    Finally, the younger Hotaru seemed to take pity on her older self. She said in a conversational, almost chatty manner, "You know, I really am glad that we grew so much taller. For a while there, I thought that we were destined to be the shortest of the Senshi. I hated being the shortest."
    Eyes opened wide, Hotaru blurted out in surprise, "You did? I did too! I hated it!"
    Younger Hotaru smiled and nodded. "Yes, I was so happy for us when you made 167cm. I'm glad for us that you had a happy life. Michiru and Haruka made good godparents, didn't they?"
    Hotaru smiled back. "They were perfect," she told her younger self. Then, her smile slipped and faded. "But you… I…. I mean," Hotaru gestured at herself and her younger self somewhat helplessly and finally got out, "How?"
    "Do you remember when the Pharaoh Ninety came, we went inside to destroy it."
    Hotaru nodded her head, "… Yes," she said slowly.
    "I died then," her younger self stated calmly. "I didn't make it. My… soul, I guess you could call it, had already came to this place. All that was left of me was a few final cells, and a half-remembered feeling. But the Princess came and changed all that. She took my remains, and changed reality, changed what's left of me. And you were born."
    Hotaru began to shake. "But," she whispered, "I'm here." Looking down at her hand, still caught firmly in her other hand, Hotaru felt her brain reeling.
    Her younger self was quick to console her, "It's all right," she soothed. "Just think of me as a part of your past made solid. I'm still you and you're still me. We're just separate right now. But we can change that."
    "Ch… change?" Hotaru asked dazedly. Her eyes lifted slightly, and she whispered, "Is that why I've always felt as if something was missing? Was it because you --?" She stopped, unable to continue.
    The younger Hotaru whispered, "Yes, I know your pain. But you'll never feel that way again." Their grasp tightened as the two held on to one another. Slowly, the light surrounding the younger Hotaru spread to envelop Hotaru.
    "Are you scared?" One whispered to the other.
    After a short hesitation, the other whispered back, "No. Not when you're here."
    And the light grew and swallowed the two figures.

***

    As Hotaru swam towards the edge of consciousness, the first thing that she was aware of was the music. A soft simple chord, playing in infinite variations.
    The music called back memories. Memories of her father, working with test tubes and microscopes; of him watering the many plants around their house, a gentle smile on his face. She thought of her 'adopted' parents, Haruka and Michiru, Setsuna, playing with her. Of bright sunny days when the skies were an endless blue and the ocean sang gentle paens of joy, joy, joy. Innocent days, filled to exuberant brim with countless activites.
    She remembered too nights that were not so innocent, when she suffered from nightmares. Snippets of knowledge, of destruction had haunted her nights. Dreams of dark power intruded upon her rest, which thankfully sank below consciousness in the day. Those long nights, when she needed constant reassurance, when her father and friends slept with their doors open to better hear and respond to her cries of fear.
    She remembered finally reaching something approaching normal growth, when her life became *normal* and she had better things to dream about. That was when the good days outnumbered the nightmare-fraught nights, when she went out and made new friends.
    She remembered days of fighting enemies, standing by her sister senshi. Neherenia. Galaxia. The Dark Faerie.
She remembered graduation, adulthood. All of them were there at her graduation. Haruka had swelled with pride, she beamed from ear to ear. Michiru simply held her close.
    She remembered the past few months of fighting, struggling to hold back the hordes of ice demons and dying. And when she reached the end of her second lease of life, something, or someone brought her even further back in time and she remembered... everything.
    She remembered the night when she destroyed the world. At those memories, the older self quailed and retreated, but the younger Hotaru held on firmly, resolutely reliving the moments when the dark power was in ascendant.
    Reliving the _joy_ she had felt at destroying the world. <It was so easy...> Hotaru remembered, acknowledging the truth that had haunted her all those years after the *memories* resurfaced. It wasn't, as Haruka and Michiru had thought, the fact that she destroyed the world that held her in misery for so long. It was the fact that she enjoyed it.
    It was her darkest nightmare, her fears made fact, that she should like the soft scrunch the world made as it folded under the mantle of Silence. Hotaru spent over half of her life denying it to herself, pushing it deep below her consciousness, where it lurked.
    Now, the older Hotaru accepted it as fact. She was the only one with the power. She was the strongest-- she, of all the senshi, had the power to destroy the planets. Exercising that long-held back power held a dark fascination, <Like a bird trying its wings for the first time> she thought absently.
    The metaphor made the younger smile. <Yes> she murmured, growing more and more indistinct. <Just a little further now...>
    And for the second time in her life, Hotaru remembered dying…
    From the heart of the darkness, she could see everything. Her power eclipsed *everything*. Deep within herself, Hotaru had always suspected that there was some power in her, but this was beyond her imagination.
    It filled her now, this dark marvelous power, filling her up to the brim like a pool of calm water, then spinning out in long ribbons. They cast a dark shadow over the world. As the power ripped out of her, everything it touched, it made still. And there was always more. More power to replace those that spun out, a wellspring that seemed endless as she took down the final barriers.
    As the world fell silent before the tendrils of her power, Hotaru felt a mad exhilaration awake. She was at the crux, the center of power. A sob escaped from her mouth, and she could no longer tell if it was from joy or sadness.
    Everything ripped apart under the onslaught, disintegrating into nothingness, and when nearly everything was gone, Hotaru felt the power fell ravenously onto her. She waited passively, eyes half shadowed by the pale, almost colourless eyelids and dark, dark eyelashes.
    <Take me>
    And the darkness descended.
    As the world fell dark, she felt her body starting to unravel, into pieces, then away into nothingness. First, the beating of her heart stilled, then the ebb and flow of her blood followed into the Silence. Soon, there will be nothing left. Hotaru could not bring herself to grieve. Already, the body, or what is left of it, is fast becoming a distant memory.
    A faint clutch at an arm, which disintegrated at the touch, barely caught her attention. Hotaru ignored it, she had to go... somewhere. But the touch was more persistent. It grabbed at her, forcing her into the old mould, the template for Hotaru Tomoe. She could feel the parts of her from the past growing more and more distinct. It was pulling her back. No, she was so close! No!
    Hotaru flung herself desperately forward-- and something within her ripped apart. The force sent what's left of her spinning forward, propelling her even faster...
    But she no longer remembered where. The final remnants that were part of Hotaru wailed at the loss of memory, of self. She cried out into the darkness for the parts of her that was... gone. Her cries echoed through the darkness, constant, grieving, lost.
After a while, she did not know how long, someone responded. A presence enveloped her in a warm cocoon of peace. There was a presence that felt familiar, comfortable. Slowly, the pale light of the full moon shone upon her, filling her up, spinning up her substance -- what made her her -- faster than what the Silence could unravel.
    Finally, the tiny piece of consciousness fell quiet. Like a child temporarily satisfied with a bit of candy, while the real need lie acquicisient-- for now.
    "Now I know," Hotaru said quietly. She placed her hand over her heart. The sensation was unsubstantial, as if it was just the memory of her physical body. But despite the lack of solidity, Hotaru felt strangely completed. There was still a slight throbbing where her two separate memories -- her souls -- had joined, but... it wasn't painful. No. It wasn't.
    "I'm whole," she breathed. Then she looked up and smiled. All around her, Sailors Saturn stood, welcoming her to their ranks.
    "You will never be alone again."

***
End