Part Four: "Not Another Monster!"

Ranma (the female one, Ranko, Ranma-chan, onna Ranma-call her what you will) stared with loathing at the diminutive figure. Why did Happosai always show up when she was finally starting enjoy herself? Okay, she was eating with some of Akane's psychotic friends, but at least one of them was nice to talk to, so it sorta counted as enjoyment.

The horror glomped onto her, like a leech, and tried to suckle. Ranma wrenched him off, opened the door, and kicked him out into the stratosphere. She stood out side, watching for him. Akane, Titanite, Rhiannon, Ukyou, and Corrina followed her.

About a minute later Happosai came a-crashing onto the ground. "Was that anyway to act towards one's master? And I was just gonna suggest adding you to the pantie business!" The hentai one blathered on and on.

While Ranma was getting ready to toss Happosai to Roppongi, Rhi grabbed something out of the air and started chanting. Distracted for a second, Happosai looked at her for the first time and decided that she looked tasty. He started to glomp onto her.

"AKURYOU TAISAN!!!" Rhi stuck a home-made ofuda on her atacker, right as he was closing in on her. Happy literally crumpled. "Thank the goddess that Rei taught me how to make those things," Rhiannon muttered.

Akane squatted down on top of Happosai, examining him. "Don't ofuda say 'Evil Spirits Begone'?" she asked, turning around.

"Why do you ask?"

"Your ofuda has a typo. I'm not suprised, since you used hiragana instead of kanji. You made your 'yo' character quite sloppily. In fact, it looks like 'ma.'"

"It does?" Rhi frowned. She was sure she had copied the word right.

Suddenly she noticed that Happosai had acquired an ever-darkening aura. "Akane, get away from him! He's gonna blow!" Akane hopped away from Happosai and the others followed suit.

And then the shaking started.

Happosai started convulsing. The black aura started to take on a life of its own. Then, in one giant wrenching moment, it burst forth, diving up into the sky, leaving a Happosai-sized crater behind.

Ti gasped, "He really does have a demon inside of him! I thought that was only fan speculation. Wait'll I tell the Ranma 1/2 FAQ about this one. Glad he's gone."

The nearby redhead tried to contradict her. "Umm, Sailor Poland-" "You know it's Polaris, Ranma."

"Whatever. Anyway, I hate to break it to ya, but he's not gone."

"What?" Titanite looked a little closer into the crater and realised that there was a small, charred, wrinkled, old body.

"Damn," the dimutive pervert muttered, as he picked his beaten body out of its resting place "You let Ralack out"

The five and a half girls started talking feverently.

"You mean the little ecchi guy didn't die? Shimatta his mama!"

"Well, since he's been beat up a lot worse in the anime, why shouldn't he have lived?"

"True. Besides that, he had just feeled up Ranma and because of that was near full strength. If he had made it to me he'd definatly be at full power and hence not even be this damaged."

"But wouldn't this not have happened then?"

"True, Akane. We were merely splitting hairs. Perhaps we should debate this further later?"

"Sure, sure. Just who's gonna pay me for the okonomiyaki?"

"Isn't the real question 'What's a Ralack?'"

The girls stared at the flambe'd figure.

"Demon. I was containing him to keep him from mischief. At least the others weren't let out too. Get Cologne." And Happosai collapsed again, from fatigue.

"I think we've opened a whole new can of worms," Wart remarked, "and today was shaping up to be such a quiet day, too."

Again, because of her supernatural strength, Ti was elected to carry the ecchi martial artist. Which was not as arduous a task as suspected because, as you remember, Nemesis Happosai was unconsious. And so our brave protagonists, after Ranma had made use of the pot of water Ukyou had been boiling for him/her, headed towards Nekohaten. "Bye bye Ukyou-kun!" the Wart cried.

Also wandering the streets were the reunited Brendan and Kuno. "The lovely silver haired girl who is known to me only as Rhi said I was cute?" the former asked his companion.

"Ah, yes my comrade," Kuno replied. "You seem to have made a fortunate impression on her. Of course, next you should conceive of an alter ego to sign the poetry you send her. Like mine, the Blue Thunder, for instance."

"How about the Light Bearer?" Bren replied.

Kuno scratched his chin. "That does sound fitting." He paused for a minute. "What is that clipped to your belt?" he asked.

Brendan blushed. "I think I've told you about how I like Star Wars, right?" Kuno nodded and Bren continued, "Well, I found this article when I was using the Internet that had all the references to lightsaber construction from the books in it. I used that and a few ideas of my own to try to build one. I still need to find an energy source to make it work, though. As Doc Brown said in Back to the Future, you can't get plutonium off the streets. So until I figure out how to make that part work, I'm using the Kenner(tm) one I bought a few years ago as a practice blade. Though I don't know much about fencing yet. Some Luke Skywalker I am." He finished, ruefully.

Tatewaki Kuno thought deeply for a moment. This young man might be a fitting pupil. He, the great Kuno, was very advanced in his studies, and it may be beneficial to teach. He made his decision. "Muraino-kouhai, would you like me to teach you swordplay?"

Brendan grinned. "Of course Kuno-sempai. I would be honored to have you as my sensei." He deeply bowed. "Oh yeah, you don't always have to call me 'kouhai'. Call me Muraino-san, Muraino, Brendan, or even just Bren. I'm not really too big on formalities. I guess it's because I spent my formative years in the States. If there is anything you want me to call you, tell me."

Kuno replied, "Then, Muraino, call me Kuno-sensei or Kuno. Maybe when we know each other better you can call me by my personal name and I yours. Come, I shall teach you the first position."

Our merry band met up with these two right after Brendan had gotten a good grip on that position. Actually that isn't exactly true; our not-quite Casanovas had caught sight of the six then and were following them. And they in turn were followed by a midget ninja who was in turn followed by three more of his kind, who got sidetracked when they passed an icecream parlor. But that's another story.

Anyway, a certain teenage Amazon was washing tables while her nearsighted paramour swept the floor and her diminutive great-grandma peered through the Necronomicon when the bell was rung. "Shampoo get, okay Great-Grandmother?" Cologne nodded. When Shampoo opened the door she was greeted by a human (and youman) tidalwave. "Airen! Violent Tomboy! But who you three? And why you bring Happosai?"

"They're Rhiannon, the Wart, and Titanite. And we need to talk to Cologne." replied a certain pigtailed male, who was trying to avoid the un-seeing glare of the hostile Mousse.

"Come over here, son-in-law and bring Happosai with you." The group complied and edged closer to the wrinkled witch. "Hmm," she muttered. "Exhaustion, impact of a spiritual weapon, and stigmata of impacting the ground after a very long fall. What happened? A demon?"

"How did you know?" sputtered the Wart.

"I have a gift," Cologne replied. "Possession or exorcism?"

"He was definately exorcised," Titanite said. "See, Rhi threw an ofuda with a typo at him."

"Okay, name of demon if available?" the crone asked as she took out "The Diabolical Dictionary of Demonology: by Drs. G. M. Humphrey and G. Murphy." Ofuda with a typo? she thought. What next?

"Happosai said his name was Ralack before he passed out," supplied Akane. "Is he in that book?"

"Of couse he is, kid. Now lets see, Ralack. See the Demonic Legion. Arioch, Asmodeus, Belial, Dis, Furiel, Lamia, Lilith, Lixodjh, Mephistopheles, Omerna. Aha, Ralack." Cologne paused, after flipping through "It says here that his specialty involves dimension traveling. After he is release from a host he requires a 18 hour gestation period before he is at full power and can start working towards his objective which is to subvert the multiverse (or multiverses, it is unsure if there's more than one) with chaos. It also says that he only can be defeated by a child of light and a child of darkness bound as sisters by soul and not by blood."

"Easy cure," snorted Ranma. "Where are we supposed to find that?"

"Well," started Titanite, "one of them might be me. Youma comes from a word that means child of darkness in the old language. I'm not sure on who the other can be, though."

"Youma, that japanese for ghost, demon or western style room. Titanite not look like western-style room," Shampoo wondered out loud, "so maybe Titanite demon!"

"Ti? You're a demon?" the Wart asked "I thought you were a mutant, like the X-men."

"I am a mutant!" Titanite screeched. "Not a demon and not a western-style room!" During this debate no one (except maybe Cologne) noticed that somebody was deep in thought.

Ever since she had heard the prophecy on Ralack's defeat, Rhiannon's mind had been quite simply racing. Sidhe. It was an old word that meant light in the language of her first childhood. Her people's goddess had been named for the light. Sen'Sidhe meant child of light in that language though it was sometimes spelled senshi. Which was what she was. The part about being sisters had puzzled her but then she remembered something she had read about in the annals of her clan back in the Silver Millenium.

Rhiannon started to speak up but then the door was burst open. Kuno charged in with Brendan close behind. Quickly thinking, Akane grabbed a table and threw it at them. Though Brendan ducked quickly and was missed, Kuno was pinned and once again out cold. "Damn," said Bren. "You knocked Kuno-sensei out." He sighed. Then he noticed someone sitting in the back of the room and headed towards her.

"My lady, I offer you my sword." Brendan knelt at Rhiannon's feet, placing his lightsaber on her lap. "I swear fealty to you forever more and I shall guard you even with my life." He peered up into her eyes, hopeful. Rhiannon smiled.

The words came to her instinctually. "Then arise, brave knight. If that is thy wish, be welcome to it. When the Light doth claim thee I shalt guide thee to the very heart of the universe." She paused to chuckle. "But you needn't be so official my Jedi Knight. I would stay with you oath or not."

"Thank you, my lady," said Brendan and he stood up, bowing deeply. "You are Rhi, are you not? They call me Brendan Muraino, the Bearer of Light." He kissed her hand.

"Rhiannon McIntyre, a Child of the Light. Second eldest daughter and last matriarch of Clan Bwenteir, called the Lonely Warrior of Charon. Well met, Brendan Muraino." She nodded to him and put her hand over his.

"I shall endeavor to make sure you are no longer lonely, Rhiannon McIntyre. Well met, my lady." He took her hand as she got up from her chair. She smiled at him and blushed.

They noticed that the rest of our friends were staring at them. Rhiannon spoke to them, still holding Brendan's hand. "As you might have guessed, I'm the second part of the prophecy. 'Child of Light' is one of the titles I seem to have picked up over the years. There is a way to make Titanite my sister if she's willing. The ceremony needs to be performed at night so we should probably go back to the Tendo house till then. Ti, I hope you don't mind that."

"I guess it's okay," Titanite replied. "Since it's sort of our fault. Mostly yours, Rhi, but I guess not all. Anyway, I'm the only youma around. Besides, silly, you're my_friend_."

Rhiannon replied softly, "Thank you."

Meanwhile, Brendan pulled Kuno out from under the table. After grabbing a vase of flowers and pouring the contents on his tutor he started to ask the groggy semi-samurai questions to see if he was all right.

"Where are you?"

"Neko-hanten"

"Who am I?"

"Muraino"

"Who are you?"

Kuno clutched Brendan's shirt and pulled him down onto him. "I am Batman!"

"Oy gevalt," Cologne muttered. The others in the room started conversing frantically.

"Batman? What the hell does he mean by Batman?"

"Hit on the head once too many, I suspect."

"Shampoo-chan, since when did you grow leaves?"

"Stupid Mousse! Hmmm . . . Kuno not Batman. Where Batsuit?"

"Muraino, why art thou not in thine own costume? Thou art Robin, art thou not? And whence hath the Batmobile gone?"

"Umm . . . I think it's in the shop."

"Rhi, that Kuno guy is crazy, isn't he?"

"Crackers, Wart-chan. Of course, he's rich so he can afford to be so."

"Maybe we should take him to Dr. Tofu?"

"Of course. Just as long as I don't have to foot the bill."

"Ukyou is cute. Isn't he, P-chan?" Corrina remarked, stroking this darling piglet she had found. Akane had said it was her pet. "And he can cook. I wonder if he does any other housework?" Maybe she should tie a yellow ribbon on the kawaii animal's tail. Decisions, decisions.

"Oh yeah, Ranma's Kawaii Fiancée." Akane sighed "And of course I'm branded the un-kawaii one. I swear I'll mallet him next time he calls me kawaiikune." Not that she really cared. She was just maintaining her dignity, wasn't she?

"Poor Akane" the Wart agreed "Your dads should be jailed for child abuse . . . Did you just say that Ukyou is Ranma's fiance?" Gulping, Akane nodded. If the Wart was turning into Tsubasa . . . "I'll kill that overbearing, macho brute! TITAN COSMIC POWER, Make Up!" After the usual cool transformation and poses the girl ran through the wall and into the dojo proper.

Ranma and Titanite were facing off in what Ti was calling "Anything Goes Martial Arts Megamallet Fighting" Right now Titanite had the upperhand though it was more from superior strength than from skill in the martial arts. Rhiannon and Brendan had just left for their date. He had said something about taking her to the movies after they dropped off Kuno and, after a bit of thought, Rhi relented.

Dr. Tofu was examining the wealthy but weird one. Except for the Batman thing Kuno seemed more lucid since he had been hit on the head. Even so, the gathered group wanted a medical opinion on the bunkum Batman and were waiting for his call.

They were to be disrupted very soon as the little ball of fury came crashing into the dojo. Going faster than anyone with such short legs should be able to, she leaped right for Ranma's throat. Unfortunately, Corrina had mistaken the height and instead head-butted him in the stomach. He dropped the mallet he was holding and she picked it up.

"YOU EFFING BASTARD!!!!" The Wart screamed at Ranma, holding the megamallet dangerously close to his head. "YOU SHALL DIE FOR EVEN DARING TO CLAIM MY UKYOU!!! I'M THE SAILOR SENSHI OF TITAN AND IN PLACE OF SATURN'S MOON I SHALL PUNISH YOU!!"

Ranma was no stanger to annoying days but this one had been a doozy. One may not have been suprised that in the face of being malleted he started complaining. "Great. What a day! Not only does Happosai create _more_ trouble, Kuno gets a student-in-idiocy, and characters from some stupid shoujo anime decide to use our house as a resort, but one of them is some lesbian psycho."

"I AM NOT HOMOSEXUAL!" The fuku'd teen screamed, as she brought the hammer down. She then added, puzzledly. "Where did you get that stupid idea? And what does this have to do with _my_ Ukyou?"

Pulling himself out of the floorboards, Ranma asked one simple question. "Don't you know that Ukyou is female?" He smirked at his attacker.

"Eeeeew . . ." the Wart replied, blushing "Of course I didn't. I chase after guys, not girls. I leave the other sex to Rhi's mom, though Dr. McIntyre was pretty monogamous when I knew her . . ." The other inhabitants listened in expectantly. " . . . not that I'm in any position to talk about the sex life of friends' parents." A disapointed sigh was heared throughout the dojo.

A little dazed by the mallet, Ranma still was able to feel a growling noise in his stomach. "Isn't it almost supper time?"

Titanite grinned. "Hey, want me to make you something from the Kingdom? I know a couple recipes we can make by substituting ingredients."

Ranma was about to start protesting, but Akane chimed in. "That would be so cool! Can I help you?"

Ti frowned, "Well, I don't know."

Time for the puppy-eyes. "Pretty please with sugar on top?"

Knowing that she might not ever forgive herself, Titanite sighed.

"Okay, then. You can start by running to the nearest bait-shop for an order of nightcrawlers."

"Nightcrawlers?" Akane was nonplussed.

"We're going to start simply, by making spicy wormballs!"

Quite naturally, everyone facefaulted.

The Wart was walking towards the bait-shop when she glanced over to the opposite side of the street. That guy over there was pretty damn cute, if you ignored the pantyhose he wore as a scarf. So she wasn't to blame when she ran into a fire-hydrant.

"Ouch!" said the fire-hydrant. "Y'know, that hurts."

"Excuse me, but did you talk?"

A kawaii head popped out of the top of it, "I'm in disguise."

"Oh. It's a pretty good one."

"Thanks. By the way, have you seen an okonamiyaki chef named Ukyou around?"

"I think he . . . she's at her resturant right now."

"No kunoichi around?"

"No. Kuno didn't come around until Nekohanten."

"I _was_ right. I'd heard that Konatsu was on a day trip to

Shinjuku but hadn't really believed it . . . Oh. Sorry about talking to myself. Thanks!"

The fire-hydrant began bounding off in the direction of Uchan's, when Wart realized she should warn her. "Ukyou's a girl!" she shouted at the incognito teen.

"I know!" came the faint reply. "I'm a guy!"

The Wart shrugged. These Nerimans were weird even by her rather loose standards.

"He'll be staying here overnight," the voice behind her said.

Rhiannon was busy playing with the foam build-a-cube she had found in the clinic's waiting room. "Should we go then, Brendan?"

The man behind her laughed. "Ask him yourself. He's in with 'Batman.'"

Rhi spun around. "Tofu-sensei! I'm so, so sorry!"

The good doctor shrugged. "I'm not upset. I do the same thing myself, sometimes." He frowned. "Although it always has to do with Kasumi-chan. Funny thing, that . . ."

"Uh yeah. I'll go get him."

After only a few paces she could hear the boy arguing with his upperclassman. "You _will_ stay in bed until tomorrow!"

"The Dark Knight wilst not stay caged!"

She heard a loud groan. "It's not being caged. Dr. Ono is worried that you have a concussion from the fair maid Akane's table. He wants to observe you for now."

"Well . . . such an impartition does put things in a different light, Muraino. You will inform Alfred that he is to make sure my cape is ready for my return. Let the Batcave be newly swept! And have him prepare for me a heady cup of fine wine for my homecoming. We shall have a merry party with beautious Tendou Akane, the green-haired maiden, and both pig-tailed girls: mine of the fiery locks and yours with that of lucient metal."

"Uh . . . Kuno? Who exactly is Alfred? I've yet to meet him."

"Ah, Alfred. Small though he may be in stature, he is a veritable giant in heart. He is a squat man with a face akin to those hairy primates that swing in the trees of the primordial jungle. Ever garbed in the constume of a ninja, he is easily recognised by the scarf he doth cover his crown with, not unlike that of the foul progenitor of the fiend Saotome."

"Oookay. I'll look for him. And I'll be here tomorrow to pick you up. And then we'll see about the feast."

"You are a good man, Muraino."

The door swung open and Rhiannon blushed. After being caught eavesdropping on the two, she was sure that Brendan would not want to date her now. She was disapointed, despite the fact that half of her was relieved.

He gave a quick look over his shoulder, then winced. "Do you know where I can find 'Alfred?'"

After getting the nightcrawlers, the Wart was disapointed to see that the cute pantyhouse boy had left the area. She never had any luck with men. Even Makoto got asked out more than her. Hell, she hadn't even been kissed. Not really. Her sonofabitch parents had seen to that, may they burn in hell.

Ukyou was a girl. The pantyhose guy was gone. Ranma was a dork.

That Kuno guy was just plain nuts.

That Moose guy wasn't too bad, but he kept trying to hump houseplants or _something_. (The Wart, as one may have noticed, hadn't connected the duck-man's near-blindness and Shampoo-obsession with his otherwise inexplicable rituals involving inanimate objects.)

That Brendan guy hadn't been bad either but he liked Rhi. Corrina smiled. Rhiannon deserved a nice guy. She was too withdrawn. Not to mention that shitty body-image of hers. A boyfriend would fix that.

The Wart sighed. Rhi had always been the literal fifth wheel of their little group. Eliza was the artist. Randy: the leader. Tia: the party girl. Corrina herself: the mascot. Rhi had a vague roll of token eccentric, but a year and a half ago Sandy had been lured in by Randy and Tia. The boy had upsurped Rhi's role without half a thought.

Before the trip to Juuban, it had gotten to the point that Rhiannon hardly saw any of them except the Wart. She was either with the school's resident Odd Couple-twins Jimmy and Eileen Kirk whose father was friends with her mother-or out in the woods by the cemtery. Never sociable, the arrival of a male had made Rhi even more of a loner.

The trip to Juuban was supposed to bring them all close together again, as well as give them a chance to use those weekend and summer Japanese lessons to use. It had accomplised both objectives, although the former in a way not anticipated. And still . . . Rhiannon was mentally divorced from them. Even if they were a team now for real.

And Rhi wouldn't stop threatening to give the Wart nightmares. "Get down from there! . . . Bandage that! . . . Get out of the road!" It was a lucky thing that she kept finding her friend at those times but it was threatening to drive her nuts.

Tendou place. Inside. Hand the nightcrawlers to Ti and relax.

P-chan was lying on the floor of the Tendous' main room. Sighing, the Wart scooped him up in her arms and stroked him. He was one sweet piglet, P-chan was.

She watched Ranma and the old guy with the bandana fight or something through the place where the screen slid back to reveal the Tendo garden. She wasn't sure, since what they were doing looked like some weird aerial dance combined with Kung Fu.

One of Akane's older sisters sat down next to her. The short-haired one. Whatshername. Nabiki. Rhi had warned her not to let this one close to her wallet. Which was silly. Corrina doubted that someone as nice as Akane could have a pickpocket for a sister.

"So . . . what is it with you and your friends?" the older girl asked in accentless English.

The Wart blinked. "I follow Rhi. That's what I do. And she and that girl Ti jumped through a glowing doorway into your back yard."

Nabiki stared the Wart straight in eyes. "That's it?" she asked in a tone that somehow struck the Wart as puzzled, although there were no overt signals that it was.

The younger girl shrugged. "She was my first friend. I've known her for eight years. She confuses me but I couldn't not follow her. She signed me up for the trip that would get me away from all those stupid foster homes."

The Japanese girl lifted an elegant eyebrow.

"You've seen Cinderella, right?" the Wart asked by way of explanation.

Nabiki nodded.

"Well, that was me. Except with a zillion brothers and no prince.

And even the wicked stepmother never beat Cinderella physically. Child Services took me out of there about a year ago, but foster homes aren't much better. I'd still be in one, if the others hadn't pooled their money to put me on the trip too." The Wart grinned. "And I'm forever grateful. I'm Sailor Senshi now. Me, who was powerless, now having power. It's like a good dream that I never want to end."

Nabiki patted P-chan on the head. "Do all of you feel that way? The others you mentioned, I mean, and the ones you came with."

"Heh. Eliza and Tia-they're two of the ones that sent me-they don't seem to mind either way. Randy-who's our leader, I guess-got bossier. Rhi said that Ti's not a real senshi, just a powered person who wanted to be a superhero. Rhi herself . . . she's taking it badly. And I watch, along with Setsuna. She gets fiercer mood swings now."

"Oh." Nabiki stared past the open screen at the dork and his father still fighting. "Hey . . . Wart, isn't it?"

"Hmmm?"

"You're from a world that's a couple years in out future, right?"

"Uh, yeah."

"What do you think would be good investments?"

He took her to Star Wars Four: A New Hope. A subtitled version was playing in Butsumetsu-cho. Rhiannon had seen the movie once when she was quite small. It was not how she remembered it. All the scenes had been jumbled up in her five-year-old mind and she found herself anticipating Jabba the Hutt during the Mos Eisley scenes.

His hand brushed against hers as they both reached for popcorn. Rhi shivered. Unbidden, she had a vision of a man kissing her throat. It took a second for her to comprehend that she was experiencing a memory. Of whom? Why, of Al. Of course.

It quickly faded. Obi-wan Kenobi (Rhi visualized the torrent of hiragana that must have made up his name since it sounded quasi-Japanese) was instructing Luke how to use the force to fight blind. She took her hand out of the bucket of popcorn.

She had been having these problems since awakening in the presence of Perse . . . Setsuna. Setsuna was now no more Persephone than she herself was Calliope. Which was both completely and not at all. Things were blurry. Rhiannon wondered if the others had this problem. Probably not.

Yuuichirou (Rhi was the only one of the gaijin that didn't resort to their nickname of "Chad" for the shrine boy) had caught a cold the day of the last Three Lights concert. The Starlights, evidently, felt guilty about breaking a contract so had stayed on earth to finish their tour. And had rewarded the senshi with free tickets as well, including ones for significant others Yuuichirou and Mamorou, although the former wasn't officially one.

Haruka and Michiru had declined, which was no surprise. The mess with Galaxia's mind control had soured anything connected with that section of their lives. So had Hotaru and Setsuna, for reasons less explicable. The unused tickets were quickly claimed by the other gaijin girls, which didn't really bother Rhiannon. She was rereading "Walden," anyway, so it wouldn't be as if there was nothing for her to do.

But with Yuuichirou too sick to go, Rhiannon was pressured into taking his spot. Even after she patiently explained that idol singers weren't her thing. And _boy_ had she regretted it. Especially when, in the middle of the show, the yearly enemy had decided to make a grand appearance. She had only the time to see her friends recieve henshin pens from Luna before she had been KO'd in the resulting riot.

She had woken up with a headache, her hair gone preternaturally silver, and the memories of one Calliope Bwenteir, RIP.

The first time she had drifted into the memory about sealing away her children, she had slit her wrists. And that was by no means the worst.

Even now, the two sides of her were at war. Rhiannon was content to be with a nice boy and hoped her would kiss her. Calliope abhorred the very thought, but secretly wished to be in bed with him.

It was all very confusing. Rhiannon's vision of herself was the mousy bookworm who had never been kissed. And yet it was slowly being invaded by the ancient warrior and mother of three from her memories.

Memories that informed her that there was a lot more besides kissing that she wouldn't be doing. Memories that were convinced Brendan was more important than a potential first boyfriend. Memories that led to two thoughts: "Retribution" and "Rest."

The spicey wormballs looked a lot like Swedish meatballs, Ranma decided. He stared at them, the sight reminding him of the one time he and the old man had taken a boat to China. They had ended up on in Scandanavia and thereafter had always swam. Or walked. Ranma had seen much of Europe and Asia during the year he was fifteen.

He had never been forced to eat worms, before. He reckoned that this was a new low for Akane. Indeed, she and that Sailor Polemic chick were chattering away about other recipes to try.

"I knew it would be good!" his fiancee gloated to the other sexless tomboy. "I just had to find the right recipe!"

The nuisance nodded. "It did come out better than I thought. Shaizaarian food just may be your thing." She smirked. "I may have stumbled onto the cure for anticooking. Cool. Now all we need is wixel grease but I'm not old enough to lactate, unfortunately."

Ranma was beginning to feel sick. He switched to listening to Nabiki and the midget. "So . . . let me read my notes back to you. 'Invest in: Beanie Babies; Yahoo!; the movie Titanic; Gainax; et cetra. Place bets on: Packers winning '96 Super Bowl; Civil Trial finding OJ guilty; Bill Clinton being re-elected; Titanic Oscars; et cetra.'"

The little kid grinned. "Yeah, that's the important stuff. Hey, do you think you could find me a boyfriend?"

"For a price . . ."

Ranma tuned them out, resolving to remember some of what the gaijin girl had told Nabiki. His stomach growled. He had no choice: worms or no worms. Steeling himself for the worst, he ate a wormball.

He almost felt his eyes pop out of their sockets. "Akane?"

She scowled. "What now?"

"How come you mangle real food but manage to make worms taste great?"

Her answer came as a mallet blow.

They walked back to the Muraino house under a flaming sunset. Rhiannon latched onto Brendan's hand before she realized what she was doing. She almost let go of it, but then relaxed. She was on a date, after all.

"Will I meet your parents?" she asked, nervously.

Brendan's face darkened. "They're dead."

Rhiannon looked away. I am _so_ stupid, she thought.

After a long pause, the boy elaborated. "Some months ago, they were passing through an area where there was a large martial arts battle. There were three civilian casualties. Chichi and Haha were two of them."

He called his parents by the Japanese version of "Daddy" and "Mommy." It was sweet. Rhiannon gave Brendan's hand a quick squeeze. "My father was in an auto accident when I was almost five. My little sister never got the chance to know him and it's hard for me to remember him."

She gave him a pained smile. "Sometimes I wonder if it was for the best. Momma and Daddy had been fighting so much that I doubt they could have stayed together much longer. She likes girls better, anyways."

"But you wish still it had never happened," Brendan replied, softly.

Her foot came down at a crack on the sidewalk and Rhi winced at the effect it would have on her maternal parent. "I remember how no one called Daddy by his real name. Even Momma called him the Guru. It was his nickname, because he was the last hippie hold-out in our neighborhood. I have Momma's surname because of that, I think.

"Daddy was the reason I was named after a rock song. It was one of his favorites. And my little sister . . . Momma named her what he wanted in memory, even though she hated the idea of calling her newborn 'Layla.' When she's a teenage I expect she'll want to change it."

Brendan nodded. "As will I once I turn twenty and reach the age of majority. Although I have been claming the nominative of Brendan Kenobi in public, it is not my true name. Indeed, Brendan is only my middle name in truth."

"Oh? And what is your true name?" she asked, curiously He looked away from her. "I cannot say it. It is too horrible." "Is it 'Pantyhose?'"

"That would almost be preferable. No, the name on my birth certificate is that of . . . Akachan."

Akachan. Literally "little red," the term meant . . . "'Baby?' They named you 'Baby?'" It was hard for Rhiannon to keep herself from laughing out loud.

"Unfortunate me, less unfortunate siblings. My sisters were given the primary names of 'Tatami,' 'Kotatsu,' and 'Ushi.'"

Literally: "Woven Floor Mat," "Low Table Containing an Electrical Lamp at the Bottom and Blanket Material On the Edge," and "Cow."

"Oh my . . ."

The Wart cackled with glee as she carried P-chan up the stairs to the Tendou bathroom. This kind of information was well worth giving Nabiki her last twenty dollars. Good thing the middle Tendou sister took American money. Everything that was yen of hers had been left back at Rei's place with the others.

"Just place P-chan in the bath water and . . . poof!" Nabiki had said. "Instant Stud. He's kinda like Cup O'Ramen noodles."

No wonder Akane kept the kawaii little thing as a pet!

Lack of sign. Bathroom was unoccupied. Wonderful. Even the furo was full and really, really hot. The kind of hot that would boil an American to spaghetti. The Wart wondered, briefly, why the Japanese were so weird about personal hygiene. They had scalding bathwater. They had special shoes for their bathrooms or rather their toilet rooms, since the commode was kept in a different room than the tub. And, at least at the shrine and the dojo, their toilets were not much more than holes in the floor.

Corrina sighed. This was not the time to get nostalgic for flush toilets. It was the time to get her twenty dollars worth. "I suppose blonde would be too much to ask for," she told the piglet as she held him over the steaming water. "It's my preference, you see, but we _are_ in Japan. So here goes nothing."

There was a small splash that grew larger. The Wart studied her prize. "Hmm . . . I like the muscles. And I really don't have anything against brunettes. Short hair is good. Sometimes longer hair makes guys look like fruits. That bandana is a cute touch. What's your name?"

"Ryouga. Hibiki Ryouga." The stud looked around nervously. "Don't tell Akane about this."

"Uh, okay. They call me the Wart. Those fangs of yours are cute. Do you mind standing up?"

"Yes. I mind."

"Well, then I'll tell Akane on you."

Grimacing, the fanged cutie rose. If the Wart had been male, it was likely that she would have nosebled. "Wow."

Whatshisname . . . Ryouga, that was it. Ryouga look down at her. It wasn't that hard. Although in Japan at least it was guys that did that to her most of the time. "Why are you called a Wart?"

She grinned, letting her eyes stray to her money's worth. "Because I'm small and brown. The bitch was Hispanic, you see." Ryouga had a confused look on his face. She elaborated. "My mother. She's evil. I hate her."

"Oh. I haven't seen mine in years so I wouldn't know."

"Lucky. So, how about we have our date tomorrow?"

Ryouga gulped. "What date?"

The Wart snapped her fingers. "Oh, I forgot to tell you. I bought you from Nabiki for twenty bucks."

The boy sat down hard. The Wart wondered if there had just been an earthquake. "I have a girlfriend. Akari. I can't do that!"

"C'mon . . . what does she have that I don't?"

Ryouga gave the Wart a good look-over. "Three inches, breasts, and a giant sumo pig."

The Wart growled. "Do you want me to tattle to Akane? No? Then you date with me. And I'm going to tail you so you don't skip out. Got that?"

The fanged boy merely groaned and muttered, "Ranma, this is all your fault." Which confused the Wart to no end.

They sat under the stars and Brendan switched on a portable radio. Pat Benetar was singing "Love is a Battlefield." And then, Benetar finished and the radio announced that the next song was by Bonnie Tyler.

"Would you like to dance?" Brendan asked Rhiannon, crossing his fingers for luck.

She smiled at him and it seemed like a supernova had exploded in front of him. He took her hand and led her into the yard.

"(Turn around) Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and
you're never coming round
(Turn around) Every now and then I get a little bit tired of
listening to the sound of my tears
(Turn around) Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best
of all the years have gone by
(Turn around) Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and
then I see the look in your eyes
"(Turn around bright eyes) Every now and then I fall apart
(Turn around bright eyes) Every now and then I fall apart"

"I've always loved this song," Rhiannon told him as they swayed.

"Have you ever found a song that simply speaks to you?"

"Ever heard of a chap named Harry Chapin?" Brendan asked.

"My dad had some albums of him." She said this without any sarcasm or disapointment. It was more like it was a treasured memory. Which made sense, since the man was deceased. But the way she spoke made him wonder if the albums were gone too.

"Well, anyway, I think some of his songs are touching. 'Taxi.' 'She is Always Seventeen.' 'A Better Place To Be.' 'Circle.' Even 'Thirteen-Thousand Pounds of Bananas.'"

Rhiannon laughed at that last one, then lay her head on his shoulder.

"(Turn around) Every now and then I get a little bit restless and I
dream of something wild
(Turn around) Every now and then I get a little bit helpless and
I'm lying like a child in your arms
(Turn around) Every now and then I get a little bit angry and I
know I've got to get out and cry
(Turn around) Every now and then I get a little bit terrified but
then I see the look in your eyes
"(Turn around bright eyes) Every now and then I fall apart
(Turn around bright eyes) Every now and then I fall apart"

"Hold me tighter, Brendan."

What else could he do?
"And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight"

If some unfeeling comet smashed him to little-bitty pieces right now, Brendan felt he could die happy. Rhiannon was beautiful, smart, and she seemed to like him, Brendan, the geek of Fukeiki Gakuen.

"Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart"

There was an instrumental and Rhiannon broke free of him, much to Brendan's dismay, slipping off her glasses to polish them. She was about to put them back on, but thought better and placed them in the pocket of her shirt.

She then told him, "Undo my braid, please."

"(Turn around bright eyes)
(Turn around bright eyes)"

Then, as soon as her cascade of hair was unbound, she snatched the glasses off Brendan's face as well. As soon as she had them, Rhiannon went and untied the string that secured his ponytail.

"(Turn around) Every now and then I know you'll never be the boy
you always wanted to be
(Turn around) Every now then I know you'll always be the only boy who
wanted me the way that I am
(Turn around) Every now and then I know there's no one in the
universe as magical and wonderous as you
(Turn around) Every now and then I know there's nothing any better
and there's nothing that I just wouldn't do
"(Turn around bright eyes) Every now and then I fall apart
(Turn around bright eyes) Every now and then I fall apart"

Rhiannon was a bit blurry now that she had stolen his glasses, so Brendan came closer. He finally reached the point where he could see her well enough and gasped. She was a creature of ice and moonlight, the poetic section of Brendan's brain insisted.
"And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight"

Rhiannon kissed him, or maybe he kissed her. Either way, it was wonderful, although Brendan wasn't quite used to moving his tongue. In all seriousness, Brendan thought if anyone had asked where one left off and the other began, he wouldn't have been able to answer them.

"Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
Nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart"

As the song wound down, Rhiannon suddenly disengaged herself from Brendan, as if suddenly remembering something important. Hurriedly, she shoved her glasses back on, shoved Bren's into his hand, then ran off, out into the Neriman streets.

"I love you!" Brendan shouted to her.

Her reply was tinged with regretfulness, "I know . . ."

Heh. Were his eyes watering? Since no one could see him, Brendan decided that it didn't matter. He straightened his pants and lay down to look at the stars.

She had started to cry as she ran down the Neriman streets.

Letting the Calliope side of her brain help in the romance sector had not worked too well . . .

But what she had termed the Old Rhiannon side of her brain had proved to be too excited, too blissed out at the prospect of dancing with a boy that Calliope had to take control instead of provide advice. And did take control, after the last mention of her father's records. Those last remenants of a man she remembered as fuzzily as the movie Star Wars.

The overload of emotion formed an impetus for takeover. And Calliope was all to happy to let her personality to the forefront. At times like this, Rhiannon felt she was only a shell for her previous life's personality.

Old Rhiannon was providing the tears, having risen again as soon as they were out of sight of Brendan. But as she didn't seem to be good for anything but crying. So the Calliope personality again rose to the helm of her mind. And became Rhiannon in self-reference. The tears stopped.

The problem, Rhiannon reflected, was that she honestly cared for the boy. If she didn't her worst problem would be solved. But she liked Brendan a great deal and was even more positive that he was Gwyndion reborn. And therein lay the problem.

In almost every society there was one constant: incest is a bad, bad thing. Normally Rhiannon agreed with them, as most instances of it involved sexual abuse. Before, though, she had never stopped to wonder if it was also perverted if the two were consenting adults . . . well, at least consenting teenagers.

For there was one jarring obstacle to a relationship with Brendan: if he indeed was who she thought he was then he was also the reincarnation of her grandson. Oh shit.

She hadn't asked to fall in love with Gwyndion, it had just happen little by little through the years. And he too had developed a crush on the woman he called aunt. She had tried to discourage him, but it only made him more determined. Her resistance had begun to diminish. They had kissed once and who knew what might have happened if the fall hadn't occured?

But it had, and that too was her fault. Everything she did seemed to hurt more than it ever helped. "Zyenre fa zyenrenya: dyel lendhe julancwa." Why did she go on? Why _was_ she still alive when the others of her people were long dead? Why should she not join them?

She had one good reason: her son, Brendan/Gwyndion's father, was still alive. If he hadn't been let out of the pocket universe she shut him in, maybe she could die. But Mordred wanted to avenge his sister, and hated the senshi to begin with.

And part of _that_ was because she always had complained how being a senshi had ruined her life. Rhiannon (Calliope Vivianne then, like when she let the mouse take hold of the mind) had wanted a normal life. Powers didn't keep loneliness away, and they were no substitute for maturation of body and mind. The latter seemed to have occured, somewhat, but the former never would.

The beginning of a poem came to mind, or rather a filksong:

"Shadow-Lover, never seen by day,

Only deep in dreams do you appear.

Wisdom tells me I should turn away,

Love of mist and shadows all unclear-

Nothing I can hold of you but thought

Shadow-Lover, mist and twilight wrought."

The lover in the song was Death. Rhiannon wished more for _him_ to be her lover more than even Brendan. Therein lay another question, in song as well:

"Rhiannon rings like a bell through the night.

Wouldn't you love to love her?

Takes to the sky like a bird in flight,

And who will be her lover?"

Goddess, she really was a mess. Everything she did, she screwed-up. Her children. Ralack. Her entire damn life. She had even come damn close to screwing things up with Al . . .

It wasn't the time to think of him. Not the time to think of how he used to make her giggle, something she hadn't done for years before she'd met him, even when she felt like clobbering him. In the pond of Grana's garden, looking like a red-haired frog while she screamed at him. Later, not really much later, during the night . . .

Rhiannon sighed. The boy may have resembled herself in looks but there was a good deal of his grandfather in him. The way he held on to her as they kissed . . . and she was beginning to regret kissing him. It wasn't right for her to kiss him.

It wasn't right that his kisses made her mind melt. Luckily he hadn't found out about her ears. When his grandfather had found out about those ears of hers he had gently chided her about her reaction. Al had been very amused at how she had acted, then. She wondered, guiltily, if Brendan would respond the same way . . .

No. Don't think about that. If kissing him was so bad, to moan in his arms would be worse.

Damn him. Why did fate have to bring him back? She had loved, did love Gwyn . . . Brendan, he was Brendan now. She loved him and it was forbidden. She could tell he loved her back, too. It was like she was in some labyrinth somewhere with no way out . . .

Besides which, she was hungry.

Nekohanten. Just to the left. Hopefully Cologne would still be awake.

Cologne was.

It took two full bowls of matzo ramen for Rhiannon to gather her thoughts. The first gathered thought, of course, was how in the world there could be so many types of ramen in existence. Pork ramen. Goose ramen. Mongoose ramen. Zebra ramen. Bear claw ramen. Sheep's eyeball ramen. Ocelot ramen. Wombat ramen. Tuxedo ramen. Hell, even spam ramen was on the menu.

The second thought she gathered was a wild musing of whether or not the inclusion of kosher ramen was a sign that the Joketsuzoku were part of the ten lost tribes of Israel. She had thought she had heard an "oy" originate from the Chinese matriarch, but her ears may have been decieving her.

Rhiannon's father, Samuel Markowitz, had been a Reform Jew, while Colleen McIntyre was Roman Catholic. She had grown up understanding both faiths but embracing neither (except the food and Yiddish, in the case of Judaism). To add to that, all those memories from being Callie Bwenteir was seriously undermining her former agnosticism. Maybe she'd join the Unitarians when things calmed down. Or perhaps she could start her own religion.

She looked up at the old woman. "I never thought I'd ever see matzo ball soup at a ramen joint. Then again, I was under the impression that you could count the number of places serving kosher food in Nihon on one hand. I used to think Wisconsin was bad . . . well, I hated having to haul butt to Madison just to get a sandwich served on challah. I have to thank the local coffee shops for suplying me with bagels, though. Still, even traveling two whole hours still left me with too salty soup. Not like this. This is very good, obasan. Where did you get your recipe?" Rhiannon bit her lip. "Sorry. I've been babbling, haven't I?"

Cologne looked at her guest, studying something. Then, she smiled warmly. "It's excusable at your age. Actually, I got the recipe from my mother-in-law. Mother Miriam may have been a little confused why her son had married me, but we got along splendidly."

Briefly Rhiannon's thoughts turned to Al, but she extinquished them in hopes of gaining a story to listen to. "I've heard many stories about you, obasan, but none about Shampoo's great-grandfather. I know you were involved with Happosai in your youth, but in the long gap between his leaving the Joketsuzoku with loot and Shampoo's childhood, I know nothing. If it wouldn't be too much trouble, I wouldn't mind hearing about your husband."

"Ahh, Max. He was born in a small town near Kiev, in one of those former republics of the Soviet Union. His parents left, of course, when the pogroms began. He must have been five when it happened. They made their way to Chicago, eventually, and my Max spent his childhood there. Despite the initial problems with English he had, Max did well enough in grammar school and secondary school to get a scholarship for Northwestern University."

Cologne leaned back in her chair. "That was when he learned of his true love, anthropology. In his junior year there was a sponsored research trip to the remote regions of China. While they were in Qinghai, Max got separated from the group and accidentally ran into me.

"When I said 'ran,' I meant it literally. I had been heading home from a day of spying on the Musk and neither of us had been looking where we were going. He appologized profusely in horrendous Mandarin, worse than Shampoo's Nihongo, and begged for my forgiveness. I sized him up. He wasn't another Happosai, thank God. He also seemed totally unlike Fountain, the annoyingly oblivious smith my mother, Charmin, wanted me to marry. In fact, he was rather cute, in a bookish, shy kind of way. Giving him the Kiss of Life benefitted us both.

"That idiot Fountain would challenge Max from time to time, but luckily my own hibachan had taught him enough to defend himself. Fountain evidently gave up and married Shower, a vision-impared weaver. Mousse has his hibachan's eyes, I'm afraid, and his great-grandfather's brain."

Rhiannon stared at Cologne. "It's gotta be hereditary."

"Perhaps. Anyway, Max had a long life with me. We divided our time between the college he had his professorship in and my viliage. When he died in the 1970s, I came back home to live permanently. We'd go on trips together from time to time, but we never did get the kind of excitement I have now. Peace is good, though."

Rhi nodded. "Sounds like my marriage."

"Really? You must be older than you look."

"It was in a previous incarnation. I have the misfortune to have total recall from that life. Still, although I don't have much more time to talk tonight, I would like to again."

Cologne raised an eyebrow. "Not just for some secret technique, child?"

"No! I wanted to compare notes, since my previous incarnation was born into something slightly like the Joketsuzoku." Rhiannon frowned. "What kind of jerk do you think I am?"

"The usual kind who butters me up in return for invincibility. I appologize."

"You're forgiven. I'd dislike being called an old ghoul unless I was needed as well. Heh. Given my mental age, I would have thought I'd be synching with you, not Ukyou."

"Synching . . . Oh yes, there was something about that in the Joketsuzoku Guide to Otherworldly Visitors. It's obvious, child. Have you ever listened to your self speak?"

Rhi frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Introduce yourself in Nihongo, child."

"Uchi wa Rhiannon McIntyre ya."

Cologne took a sip of tea. "Now listen to me: Watashi wa

Chaukikiang Khu Lon desu."

There were subtle differences, Rhiannon was sure of that. "I use a different word for I, don't I? And my coupla is said differently."

Cologne looked Rhiannon over with an amusement written on her face.

"Child, you speak the Kansai Dialect. Who else do we know speaks that way?"

"Ukyou. No wonder I feel hungry for flat, round foods. Heh. This was the way my sensei taught me to speak. It feels odd trying to use standard." Rhiannon glanced at the clock on the wall. "I better be going. Thank you for the ramen."

"You're welcome. Oh, and tell the Tendous that as soon as Shampoo's Ramen Rider gets back from the bike shop, we'll be delivering out again."

The crone's voice ringing in her ears, Rhiannon stepped out the door. There was no time to waste. Right now, it didn't matter how ugly she was, how stained her soul, how much she wished to spring off the mortal coil. She had ramen in her stomach and a duty to be done.

Titanite felt herself being shaken from her sleep. "Cal, it's a Saturday."

"I'm not your oniichan."

Ti knew that voice from dozens of anime. "Ranma, I'll tell Akane on you . . ."

She was being shook even harder now. "Guess again, Ti-chan."

She opened her eyes. Washed-out face and features . . . "Rhi-chan?"

"Hai. It's near midnight."

Titanite blinked and remembered. "That ceremony thing of yours."

"Yes. We need starlight, so we'll be on the roof."

She pressed the button on her bracelet to switch to serafuku. "Why the roof?"

Rhiannon was already outside and beginning to climb. "Because the section over Kasumi's room is the safest place outside."

"Makes sense."

Titanite leaped to the roof in a single bound. Rhiannon snorted, annoyed, but scrambled up in quick sucession. "We only have less than an hour until the time," she said as she handed Titanite a pad of lined paper and a pen. "Could you translate these lines into . . . youma'shak, I think. Did I get it right?" she added, worriedly.

"Hai. For me?"

"Actually, for me."

"Want me to throw in a pronunciation key, then?" Ti asked, clicking the nob at the top of the pen. "You're a native English speaker so you might have trouble with the 'j' sounds otherwise. I hope normal is fine with you-I never did get the hand of Court."

Rhiannon was busy laying out the contents of her tote bag. "That _would_ be helpful and I would rather have you translate using the dialect you speak. Your part is in Lyandrashi, so I did the same for you. I'd almost have done it in English, but . . . well, the ritual would be more effective if we keep the old language."

Titanite nibbled at the plastic clip of the pen. "So, why the youma'shak? I thought we needed this old language of yours."

Rhiannon shined her glasses on the skirt of her serafuku. "If I remember it correctly-and I do since I was stupid enough to attempt the Memory Trick in my first youth-both participants read the vows in the other's native language. By the way, if I got any of the oaths from Metallianism wrong, just tell me."

Titanite lifted her head. "I'm surprised you got most of them right. If you don't mind me asking . . . how?"

"My very late husband was an Akkadian," Rhi said by way of explanation.

"What's that?"

"Akkadia? You know, quasi-Greek island chain in Silver Millenium earth? Worships Metallia along with the nearest neighbor?"

"Never heard of it. Cal showed me a map of Old Earth once and there was no such thing." The youma girl flipped over to a new sheet of paper and drew a rough map. "This is old Arcadia, ancestral home of the youma."

"No islands?" the human girl asked, dismayed.

Ti frowned, trying to remember. "Yeah, there were a bunch of little ones but they were uninhabited and Cal said that most other maps left 'em off. Not that there were any outside of the Kel Shaizaar library. Supposedly he had to kiss a lot of butt to get permission to bring the atlas and history book to Deathbridge."

"Nice name." Rhiannon commented.

Titanite grinned. "Typical name. Margrave was the one who wanted it, actually. Run of the library was reserved for those of high rank. Six months later she did get permission to use it, but that was after she was interrogated about B'dekka."

"Boudicea?"

"Yeah. There was actually a fifth Renegade but she was executed for treason. It was during the mess with this American wizard. The other four of us never met her but 'Grave was a childhood friend, although that's probably the wrong word for it. Still, I knew the news upset her more than she let on to anyone." Ti sighed. "You think you know a person and then they surprise you. But then again, she told me more than anyone else.

"I think she thought I was retarded, since I didn't act like normal youma kids and I didn't grow at the right speed. So she sometimes used me as a confidant, figuring I'd forget about whatever she told me anyway. I didn't, of course, but I let her think that because I liked our talks. She never thought of me as a whole person-more like a pet-but she liked me anyway. Sorta unyouma-ish, actually, though Pyr says she's not like us either.

"Anyways, she took me to talk as soon as she got the summons. I'd never seen her that scared before. Turned out that when she was a little younger than I was then, Margrave and about a half-dozen others including B'dekka had formed a small theater troup that they called the Churgaville Players. For two years, they performed classic theater and some pieces she had wrote herself. Then in a monetary disbute their lead actor was killed and the rest fled. Cal rescued her from the creditors, actually. Well, no. The people he rescued her from _were_ her former creditors but they also were hitmen on the side and had been payed to knock off the competition she was posing to another likely for Jadeite's ranks.

"I had always known that 'Grave was smarter than she looked but I didn't know she was artistic too. And I knew her better than even Cal, since she never showed _him_ her soft side. Or me once she found out I wasn't retarded, actually. But I was glad that she seemed to come out of the private meeting okay and even with library privileges. But I digress."

As Ti tried to catch her breath, Rhi took the pen and walled off a comparatively small section of the country, then added almost a score of minature islands. "This is what Akkadia looks like. Beyond that's No Man's Land. Are the islands in the right place?"

"Uh, yeah."

Rhi drew a curved peninsula below Ti's own sketch. "This is the

Arcadia of my world. They also worship Metallia."

Ti blinked. "I think they called it Shambles on our map. You know, like an English country house. The kind that also get called Dunroamin'."

"Shangri-La?"

"Something like that. Funny. Same land forms but different countries. Although I've never heard of Lyandrashi, although I can only think of really important languages from Old Earth, anyway. Muvian, Avalonian, Atlantean, and Arcandian or Court Youma'shak. And the others I can't remember."

"Lyandrashi, which everyone spoke with variences for dialects, is derived of the Evil Empire of Gold that Serenity I overthrew," Rhiannon explained. "Long ago, everyone spoke different languages but millenia under their tyranny made the old languages mere unclear memories. Under Serenity I, the language was further reformed until it hardly resembled its predecessor. I take it that there was no Evil Empire for you."

Titanite shook her head. "According to the book, there was something called a Golden Imperium but alien Slavers got rid of it. Our first Serenity rebelled against them."

"Ah, so there is a dirivation point," Rhiannon mused. "I'll make a note of it. Where was I?"

"Explaining what we're doing," the youma girl informed her.

The human nodded. "That. Well, first we say the words. Then it's two quick slashes on the wrist with that knife that Bren-kun was so nice to supply me with. We press our wrists together to pool the blood. I invoke Metallia and you invoke Sidhe. And then the visions come."

"Metallia's a dead goddess."

"And _boy_ am I glad!"

"I hope you don't mind doing the cutting, Rhi-chan."

The other girl removed her left regulation glove and flashed a pale wrist. And a white scar. "Some people, Ti-chan, don't take the news of being a senshi very well. In other words, I don't mind."

Titanite stared at the scar and swallowed hard. "Did anyone ever tell you that you're bonkers?"

"A few. The Wart mostly. Friends still?"

"Sure. What's mental health among friends?"

Rhi shrugged and handed Ti another piece of paper. "Memorize this.

You have fifteen minutes."

"As do you," Ti replied, returning the notepad.

There was prolonged silence as the two girls concentrated on their respective lines. Suddenly, Rhi grabbed the knife and began to speak in accented youma'shak.

"I call unto the Abyss. I, Rhiannon of Bwenteir, take thee for my sister. By the Blackened Heart, I bind thee. By the Smoky Mirror, I bind thee. By the Shadowed Sword, I bind thee. With the Bloody Cup I secure thy bonds for now and all."

Then Ti spoke, her Lyandrashi somehow as gutteral as the youma'shak Rhi had spoken was wrongly hissed and trilled.

"I call unto the Stars. I, Titanite of Shaizaar, take thee for my sister. By the Beating Heart, I bind thee. By the Reflecting Mirror, I bind thee. By the Shining Sword, I bind thee. With the Healing Cup I secure they bonds for now and all."

The first slash. Red against pale. "Metallia, I invoke thee!"

The second slash. Blue against pink. "Sidhe, I invoke thee!"

The pressing of wrists. Blue and red blood flowing together.

Then suddenly, the cuts were gone without a scar. The hands of the two girls fell slack as both slumped to their sides on the Tendou roof.

The evil menace called Ralack rested.

He had come down to earth in the most hated, most feared place in

Furinkan, Nerima.

Well second most. If he had landed in the number one spot, his name would no longer have been Ralack. It would have been something French and kawaii. He would have been trapped better than when he had inhabited Happosai.

Lucky for him. Unlucky for the rest of us. Especially Azuza.

Instead, Ralack slept peacefully in the koi pond.

Which pond should be obvious.

The sky was black. Literally black. Thousands of memories of night time had not prepared Rhiannon for the color of the sky. She thought to ask the little girl in the sundress and sunhat, but concluded that unless the kid was a genius at age five, she wouldn't know why either. The child sat on a swing, its chain drilled into a giant grey blob that Rhi assumed was a non-mushroom fungoid.

Rhi looked down. Lum's trademark bikini. What looks good on oni does not look good on real people. Especially when their stomach resembles a washboard no more than it does Cthulu's favorite tricycle. And when they have some issues about their thighs as well.

"Where am I?" she asked.

The little girl shrugged.

"Am I in the Dark Kingdom?"

Her response was a giggle.

"Of course I'm not. It's gone. Silly me. Right?"

The child nodded her head.

"I suppose you wouldn't know what those things that look like soap bubbles are for, would you?"

A shake of the sunhat. Damn.

"Then I'll try myself. Any words of advice?"

The little girl looked up.

Titanite.

Chibi Ti smiled sweetly. "All hope abandon, ye who enter here."

And then one of the little soap bubbles flew at Mach Five towards

Rhiannon's head.

Jadeite was slumped in an alley.

Jadeite? In Cyberpunkia?

Blonde. Grey uniform. Jadeite!

And Margrave and Azurite and Pyrite and Calcite and the Knight Sabers. They were there too.

And Titanite. Her eyes glowing a bright blue. No whites. No pupils.

Raising a hand.

A tiara appeared. And was thrown.

And the first general dissolved into dust and ashes.

Titanite stood over a dotted line. It was red and it glowed. On the left was the misty pavillon where she and Rhi had held their first confusing conversation about disguises or lack or them. On the right was a grassy vacant lot. It was bordered by trees. A small dirt path ran through it.

In both of them sat Rhiannon.

Except neither of them were her. Not really. They wore the trademark glasses and braid that Ti had become accustom to but . . . both of them were wrong. Incomplete. And with bubbles flying around their heads.

"Where's Rhi-chan?" she asked, feeling somehow divided. Maybe it was the harlequin suit she wore.

Right frowned. "I'm Rhi."

Left snorted. "Not anymore."

"Then who am I?"

"I don't know! Pick a new name!"

Titanite raised her hand. "Excuse me, but . . . where _are_ we. And who are you?"

"Ynys yr Aflon," Left said. She wore a white dress in the romantic style populized by consumptives everywhere. It probably was made out of that samite thing that was mention in old stories. She looked so much like Rhiannon that Titanite almost thought it was her. Except for the expression on her face. The real Rhi would never be able to look at her that way. Cruel and wise and sad and calculating and weary all at once. "Call me Callie."

"The vacant lot across from the museum, the Paine, and the bridge," Right argued. She wore jeans and a blue man's shirt. Unlike Right, she had brown hair. She looked . . . stupid was the wrong word for it. Ti wracked her brains for an adequate adjective. Innocent. Naive. Words that had been used to describe Ti herself, really. Right was like the Rhi that Ti had first met, absentminded and, as a result, happy. Until yesterday, really. "Um, I dunno what to be called. Err, Anon. I guess."

"You're in the mind of the entities you call Rhiannon," Left/Callie explained. "All this is a physical construct to make coping easier, as are we two. Those entities are right now in your mind, talking to another physical construct."

"Entities?" Titanite asked.

Right/Anon nodded feverently.

Ti look at one construct, then the other. "Why are there two of you?"

Callie looked at her like she was incompetent. "Haven't you figured it out yet?"

"Be nice!" Anon shouted. In a much lower tone of voice she explained, "Because Rhi isn't one person. She's me and Callie all mixed together. But it's usually the two of us together that you see. And sometimes she's mostly me. But Callie is greedy so she's been taking control more often. But I was the one you met. Back then, she was sleeping. I don't think you'll ever meet her alone, though. Because it's me, the old Rhi, that loves you for being my friend. Callie's too self-absorbed."

"I resent that!" the other Rhi growled.

"Am I supposed to chose?" Ti asked.

Anon shook her head. "No."

Callie smirked. "You recieve."

And bright soap bubbles flew from either side to Titanite.

A redwood tree. But one that was only a head higher than a man. There was another about twenty feet away from the first that was the same size. The bark of the other seemed have a dark spot in the shape of a woman.

Rhiannon stood beside that one. Was coming forward.

A man was imbedded in _this_ tree. Bark covered all but his head.

"You do know that I'm doing this for your own good," Rhiannon said, sighing.

The man rolled his eyes. He reminded Ti slightly of Pyrite. The black hair with gold eyes was why, she supposed, although the hair was too long. This man looked wolfish, however. Predatory.

He sent shivers up Titanite's spine.

His words didn't help. "So you say, mother."

A window. She was looking out a window. She could see an elementary school across the street. Little kids playing.

A child was beside her, looking as well. Two pigtails. Overalls that read Oshkosh B'Gosh on the front. Miniature spectacles.

Rhiannon. About five years old.

On the other side of the road, a man waved. Tie-dye shirt, patched jeans, unkempt beard, thining hair. Granny glasses on him. John Lennon glasses. Chibi Rhi opened the window. "Daddy!"

"Nonnie!" he bellowed back. The five-year-old girl wrenched herself from the window. Ran out of the room. Titanite could hear footsteps running down stairs.

Rhi's father stepped into the street. Broke out into a run when the little girl emerged from the front door. Both of them running, arms outstretched . . .

There was a screech of tire. And the soft sound of a body hitting the pavement. And horrible silence . . .

The two of them awoke just before the sun. Rhiannon quickly stuffed the things on the roof into her bag. Went down much the same way she got up. Ran into the Tendo house and stuffed their remaining stuff in her bag. And ran out.

Titanite effortless jumped. And landed like a cat.

Ranma, Akane, and the Wart stood to watch them off. The smell of miso soup from the kitchen signified Kasumi's location. P-chan was buried in the Wart's arms, not Akane's. Odd.

The koi pond glowed.

A sort of glowing black thing, like sentinent jello, arose from it.

The air in front of it glowed and the thing stepped through. Looking at each other and nodding, Rhiannon and Titanite stepped through after it.

Into a world that seemed oddly familiar . . .

End Chapter Four

Credit where Credit's Due

Thanks to Sam-kun . . . err, Sam Ashley for pointing out my original error with ofuda wording and giving me the idea to use 'ma' for 'yo'. And, for all of you who have never taken Japanese: yes, the two hiragana look alike. Sort of, anyway. He also did the Old Earth map which I'm referencing. And the Talisman guide I cribbed from. Those and the ear thing which Rhiannon is afraid of. It is not to be used by the unprepared.

Kudos to Jill-chan (Jill Byar) for giving me the demonic names (excluding Ralack's). And for sending me lovely yaoi lemons that kept my spirits up while writing this monster.

I can explain Rhi and Ti misidentifying people. Really. Brendan and Tofu share the same seiyuu in my mind: Mitsuya Yuuji. And both Rhi and Ranma-chan have Hayashibara Megumi. I didn't give her such a famous seiyuu out of arrogance. I just really liked Achika in Tenchi In Love and supposedly that's _her_ seiyuu.

I have the Ranma 1/2 character guide to thank for it's explaination of Kansai dialect. It's proved an invaluable resource to me, espescially when I used it for my term paper on Rumiko Takahashi.

"Shadow Lover" is Mercedes Lackey's. I believe it is copyright Firebird Arts and Music.

"Rhiannon" was written by Fleetwood Mac and is copywrighted by Welsh Witch. That's a pun, actually, since Rhiannon is a Welsh name that means "goddess," "witch," or "magical woman," depending on your source. Brendan means "smelly hair."

Characters of Ranma Nibun no Ichi are copywright Takahashi Rumiko-sama.

Characters from Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon are copuwritght Takeuchi

Naoko-sama.

Titanite and others are Mark Latus's.

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Next Chapter: The Long and Winding Road

In pursuit of the nefarious dimension-traveling hentai . . . err, demon, our heroines brave a couple of their favorite animes, and some not so favorite. Kuno begins his reign as Batman. And the Wart takes Ryouga on an unwilling date.